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Starfox Assault MEGA RANT. Rob lays down the law at long last.


Robert Monroe

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I wanted so bad to just post in the other thread, saying:

I posted anyway


I decided against it out of love for Rob~

 

 

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Not dead, just been busy. Also, writing about the final level includes all these damn cutscenes too, bah. There will be more after that as well, musings on the multiplayer and overall final thoughts and the like. Might come today or tomorrow, we'll see.

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So when I said I was busy

I actually meant I was sick with a nasty cold all week

I AM ALL BETTER NOW

LETS SEE IF I CANT FINISH THIS SHIIIIT THIS WEEKEND

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FINALLY updated with the Aparoid Core level.

Three articles left now: the ending, the multiplayer, and a final summary. Sorry for the two week delay!

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UPDATED AGAIN WHOOOOA MAKING UP FOR BEING A LAZY SHIIIT

Covered the ending of the game. I hate it! And now you should too.

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Rob.

You've officially earned a status in the StarFox community worldwide.

 

Taking the time and effort to dissect all these contradictions and plotholes like it's been hit by a anti-plot gatling gun is not the task for the faint of heart.

 

I wish I could give you more than an upvote so let's act as if your theory and discussion are social-unit memes (and they are) so I can grant you this:

 

146.png

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let it be known on this day rob finally proved how much of a no-life loser he is c:

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Someone should save all this for future reference should anyone try to defend the SF Assault story. This review has been even better than I ever could have imagined it would be, and I think it serves as an excellent general lesson for anyone who is thinking of going into writing for novels or films.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I honestly would still like to play the game, but I will agree that the game appears short and unfinished. Between the poor animation and the clunky 3rd person shooter, the game certainly could have been better. For some reason though, it does not nearly make me as angry as Adventures or Command.

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I'll crack into Adventures and Command soon enough. Probably Adventures, because I LOST MY COMMAND COPY, DURRRRR gotta replace it gfdi.

Also this rant is more or less finished, if anyone was caring. I need to review Mplayer still and provide an epilogue, but the meat and potatoes of this review is over. Just FYI.

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  • 2 years later...

So, you wanted me to break down your review here? Alright. I can list my disagreements and anything I wanna add, point by point. here we go!

1. Almost no Aparoid footage? Well, to be fair, there was hardly a second of Star Wolf footage either. In fact, they really only gave like what, 15 seconds worth of in-game footage total in that intro, which also includes the multiplayer footage? That's barely enough time to focus on anything, really!

2. The 'theme' is really just a remix of the general Star Fox theme. I think it's harmless. I can enjoy it without even understanding the context behind it. Also, it's not party music. In fact, none of the music in this game is really fast enough or loud enough (IN INSTRUMENTATION) to really be considered party-worthy. In my books, THIS is party music: 

3. "Mind the gauge in the upper left portion of the screen. The gauge shows enemy presence around the hideout! Destroy the targets before the gauge gets full!" - Peppy

"Understood." - Fox

"Keep your wits about you, everyone!" - Peppy

"We're being overrun here! Blast the Space Fighters!"

"When the gauge is rising, hit the Space Fighters."

Sometimes, all you have to do is look at the controls, and pay attention to the dialogue. :neutral:

4. Art is subjective, let me tell you that, and 8 years between rustic-used and clean-new is a bit jarring, but you know what? I'll take it! Bring on the gleam, bring on the pointy, bring on the action of things looking like people are actually giving a sh*t about how their technology looks and performs! Too bad the graphics don't exactly seem to agree.

5. Play on Gold Difficulty. It doesn't take just one Charge Shot to kill those battleships in that difficulty. In fact, I find you're better off just showering it with bullets until it pops. Gold Difficulty as a whole is where the real challenge and fun is, if only because you don't have to try anymore to die in it.

6. The game was rushed. It's really no wonder the first level feels unrealized. In fact, I betcha when Namco decided to tack on a single player to the game, they had a ton of ideas in mind, but it seems they couldn't do it in just one year. I'll betcha someone really couldn't sleep the night after the game was released.

7. I'd argue that the battleground theme worked. The instruments hit hard, like they should, and it's original, too. It doesn't sound like it's trying to blatantly rip off anything obvious (THEN AGAIN, I'M NO MUSIC HISTORIAN). Whatever one's opinion is on it, you gotta admire the amount of effort they put into composing it.

8. Now that I think about it, the first thing Fox should've asked Beltino was "... Yeah. But what are they, and where did they come from?"

9. Let's think about that same aparoid for a second. Easy weakpoint aside, how fast did it move? How fast did it shoot? I'd argue that that laser of his is pretty damn capable of wiping out those ships if they couldn't get a fix on his quick movements.

10. Those three cruisers behind the aparoid in the pic sure look like they might have done it to him.

11. I just had an idea on how Fox would start the 2nd level. He could survey the area first, and then pick a spot to land. Let's say he decides to land on the open side of the base, because it's easier for him to land. He steps out, approaches the tower, then suddenly, Aparoids would teleport on the other side to Falco's shock and surprise, and begin raining down mortars on Fox's side, forcing him to get under something, and watch his arwing gets destroyed. More aparoids would teleport on Fox's side, one sneaking up right behind him, and scaring the crap out of him. His first objective now, is to clear the other side of Aparoid mortar machines, and create a window for his Landmaster to be dropped.

How's that for an introduction compared to the one we got instead?

12. Imagine if they made an animation or effect that changes the weapon Fox wants just by holding his hand behind his pack, or whatever that is behind his back!

13. The game, aside from the multiplayer I'll argue, IS a beta. I smell unfinished ALL OVER this bloody game.

14. Why the hell does bad writing and storytelling always equal FANFICTION? Bad writing is bad writing! A fanfiction badly written is a fanfiction with BAD WRITING. A film or game with bad writing is a film or game with BAD. WRITING. Why do we keep associating the two!?

15. I'm guessing the directors wanted a more insane approach to Leon, after reading his description (I GUESS). With that in mind, I think the new voice fit that personality a whole lot better.

16. "What is the profit he has to gain from selling out all of Lylat to robot bugs?" He probably had contacts like bloody Nedry did in Jurassic Park.

"Why is he doing that at all if he doesn't WANT to obey them?" He's being manipulated in his sleep. You think he meant to say "I obey"?

17. The wolfen sitting there is a warning to StarFox that they're probably gonna run into some sh*t. They don't have time for plot exposition! "Keep you guards up, team!" - Fox

18. I don't know why I didn't think of this idea YEARS ago, but to fix the aerial-only might gauge problem, let the hatchers keep spawning assholes, and add the pressure to the gauge really quick, and urge players to get their asses moving to clear 'em out! If you don't start immediately kicking asses, you'll be pissing your pants watching swarms of aparoids crawling all over the stage, left, right, up, and down!

If that in and of itself, doesn't make any of these hatcher hunts immediately more interesting, and probably even scary, I don't know what will!

19. Wow! You made that Veritech joke years before I did with fan's Landmaster Mech concept! That's amazing!

20. I'm reminded of much I was pushing the idea of being able to fight as part of the Cornerian Army. All the other planets that aren't seen in Star Fox's campaign could be shown in the CA's campaign. That would've filled a TON of plot holes, I imagine!

21. Orbital Gate is Katina? You never had to fly an Arwing in Katina, so what's the logic behind this comparison?

22. The station does look... ok? I don't see why it even exists, outside of the gate. There's no interior space whatsoever, not even any defenses! It's kind of a pointless structure setting up another stage for the multiplayer.

23. Didn't Star Fox just destroy where the aparoids came from?

24. It didn't belong to Oikonny at first, it was taken by him and re-purposed for his rebel army.

25. Succession... That could mean if anyone else wants it, it's not gonna be through the Corneria government. I think that base is more a product for auction than a property by a landlord, which might explain why they won't take it themselves. That'd be stealing from the original seller, unless they go through that guy first.

26. Pretty sure that A+ was for the Aparoid planet. ;)

27. That theory is DUMB. The place looks like a bloody paradise in multiplayer mode, with ads, news programs and everything! If it was all governed by a dictatorship, the place would look like a f*cking hellhole with barely any infrastructure outside a few residential areas and bridges! The government wouldn't care for ANYTHING that just happened, as long as it didn't affect their f*cking paycheck, and HALF of what happened in the bloody war wouldn't put a dent in their wallets, including the sh*t that fell on Sauria! Sure, they could be militarized! Sure, they could be benevolent, but NEVER, could they EVER be a dictatorship. Not for how they treat the Aparoid Invasion.

28. Where do I find your Multiplayer and Summary review?

 

Finally done! I need to play somethin' before I waste my whole entire day.

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  • 2 weeks later...

The game is flawed, but i still love it and it's my favourite Star Fox game. I get a lot of fun out of both the single player and multiplayer.

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I didn't have the courage to read the whole rant, but I think you've been nipticking a bit in that review.

To be honest, I do find a lot of flaws in this game as well, but it's still pretty fun. Not my favourite Star Fox, but still a fun game.

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  • 2 weeks later...
 

I didn't have the courage to read the whole rant, but I think you've been nipticking a bit in that review.

To be honest, I do find a lot of flaws in this game as well, but it's still pretty fun. Not my favourite Star Fox, but still a fun game.

If you didn't read the whole rant then you really aren't in a position to accuse me of nitpicking.

 

Some stuff was kinda nitpciky (namely the menu stuff) but for the most part I home in on the giant glaring annoying flaws.

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I can't find a link to the actual review now.  Links that are supposed to lead to that thread keeps sending me back to this thread.

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