Robert Monroe

Starfox Assault MEGA RANT. Rob lays down the law at long last.

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AlGore'sleftshoe

Updated with Fichina, a level that isn't completely terrible!

yeah toppest lel;

>Fichina better than Katina

but I expected something like this from you, your argument has fallen into parody-level humerusness 

You hate a good game for the most trivial of reasons, I think that's even funnier than when JonTron hates a game for not being as uniform as a Taiwanese high school.

bad game? what? seriously what?

once again Assault is still loved by many, though receives unfair critisism. check out Gamerate; check out the fan reception 83% positive, I'm glad you think you are right when you are in the minority percentage of people who hate the game, keep fighting the flood. also an average rating of 7-8/10 is pretty damn good on gamerate or anywhere else. SF64 was limited HEAVILY, it was the best such a small game could be, Assault definitely wasn't perfect for what it was, but it was still great nontheless. the All-range Arwing sections beat the living shit out of the "all range" Arwing in SF64, the thing felt more like a hovercraft than an aircraft, plus you can hardly fly up or down in SF64, the maneuverability was far more...maneuverable in Assault than 64. the LandMaster? I'm sorry I just don't like to drive a tank that scrolls forward uncontrollably, Assault's LandMaster is still one of my favorite vehicles in any video game ever, such a smooth ride with fluid and easy controls, much like the Arwing.

The rail shooters are every bit as redundant as in 64, that's why I just don't like them that much other than in SNES where it is literally the entire game anyway, even then you can practically do it with your eyes closed.

Assault was everything a new StarFox game should be, just with a few more upgrades, and more polish and refinement. wasn't perfect, but I still have a lot of fun playing it, aside from the on foot gameplay, which isn't even that bad, I like it more than Medal of Honor, literally the only gameplay area of the game that is actually bad is the wing-riding. "Wing riding is such a thrill." No, it's a tedious flop of an "innovation."

It all comes down to one thing though, is it fun? yes, Assault was still a very entertaining game, a GameCube classic, and most of all a beacon of what the games in the future should reflect on, obviously the game's aged, so a new game should be polished and succeed where Assault and 64 failed, AND best all the things those games succeeded.........or we can fly in a straight line and shoot things.

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Robert Monroe

I'm sorry mate, I had no idea that floaty poorly functioning controls and empty soulless sandbox levels with arbitrary "kill X" counters and new mechanics that only serve to interrupt the flow of gameplay topped off with the worst Starwolf duel ever were only little problems! Surely I should bow down to the face of the almighty consumer game ratings and accept their stances as unfallible perfect truth and not think for myself!

Sod off, you fucking Autismal shitbrain. Or at least read my entire rant about why I hate Assault before making a fool of yourself, because the only one here making a parody of themselves is you C:

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fanfictiondreamer

I'm not crazy about Starfox Assault for a different reason. I liked Starfox Adventures way too much to move on to its sequel. I didn't like the changes that were made to the game compare to Adventures, it didn't seem unique in any way, I was more than thrilled to find that they was not a lot of things that was likable about the game. To me, that was a huge relief and my opinions about Starfox Adventures never changed. That game means too much to me. So, yeah, I really don't care too much about this game.

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Xidphel

Let's not derail this thread at least until Rob's done with his rant. Only 4-5 levels to go.

That means you, Left and Dras.

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AlGore'sleftshoe

I'm sorry mate, I had no idea that floaty poorly functioning controls and empty soulless sandbox levels with arbitrary "kill X" counters and new mechanics that only serve to interrupt the flow of gameplay topped off with the worst Starwolf duel ever were only little problems! Surely I should bow down to the face of the almighty consumer game ratings and accept their stances as unfallible perfect truth and not think for myself!

I never said you shouldn't think for myself, why do you try do you imply that I have ANY faith in the vast majority of the human race? I just told you what the masses think. for christ sake read my statement on the DZComposer's gameplay tread, I want a StarFox game with more complicated missions. SNES, 64, and Assault ALL have extremely simple missions that which in their own games are almost always the same thing over and over. SNES; fly forward and shoot things. 64; fly forward and shoot things, defend the great fox ONCE, and fly around and shoot down enemies once in awhile, Assault; switch between Arwing and LandMaster frequently and destroy all enemies, fly forward and shoot things for 3 7 min missions, fly around and shoot down enemies, and defend the gate ONCE. don't get me wrong I love all those games, but I want almost every mission to feel like a real battle, something with complex and realistic objectives, something like Halo Reach, BattleField 3 or StarWars Rogue Squadron, but spend more time in Arwing and or LandMaster like Assault, with some on foot that's a bit better.

Sod off, you fucking Autismal shitbrain. Or at least read my entire rant about why I hate Assault before making a fool of yourself, because the only one here making a parody of themselves is you C:

"Ugh it stung me!!" Autismal? you just called me retarded AGAIN I hope you weren't aware of that. well I'm sorry I probbed the Hornet's nest one too many times. I thought I of all people was condeded, but I know for sure now that I've met someone who's even more so than I am.

 

Yeah, yeah I know how it works.....I'll wait in my led lined fallout shelter. grab a snickers bruh

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Xortberg

once again Assault is still loved by many, though receives unfair critisism. check out Gamerate; check out the fan reception 83% positive, I'm glad you think you are right when you are in the minority percentage of people who hate the game, keep fighting the flood. also an average rating of 7-8/10 is pretty damn good on gamerate or anywhere else. 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Argumentum_ad_populum

 

Saying "but everyone else likes it!!!" is not an argument. Lots of people like the Transformers movies, or Justin Bieber. Lots of people like shit. Come on, you go all edgemaster "I don't have faith in humanity" in one post when you're relying on "humanity's" opinion to fuel your fucking argument. Want to argue with Rob? Address his points. Saying "you're in the minority, so you must be wrong" is not an argument.

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Robert Monroe

I thought I of all people was condeded, but I know for sure now that I've met someone who's even more so than I am.

Happy to bring surprises to your life then bruh! Have fun in that fallout shelter where you'll surely be safe from my big mean internet words. C:

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Drasiana

That means you, Left and Dras.

 

I was the pedestrian walking by the building and you threw a wine bottle out the window and it hit me in the face

 

Rob's topic is good and well-thought-out and has given this game more critical thought than it honestly deserves, gg

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AlGore'sleftshoe
 
 

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Argumentum_ad_populum

 

Saying "but everyone else likes it!!!" is not an argument. Lots of people like the Transformers movies, or Justin Bieber. Lots of people like shit. Come on, you go all edgemaster "I don't have faith in humanity" in one post when you're relying on "humanity's" opinion to fuel your fucking argument. Want to argue with Rob? Address his points. Saying "you're in the minority, so you must be wrong" is not an argument.

once again, I never said that, my point with the humanity thing was an example of how I don't look at popularity to justify my argument, I was just stating that his opinion of the game is still on the losingarrow-10x10.png side of a still raging battle. I've done this so many times with him, and unless the landscape changes, I don't see the point in delivering an argument that's already long-since out of my way.

 

Happy to bring surprises to your life then bruh! Have fun in that fallout shelter where you'll surely be safe from my big mean internet words. C:

I was trying to imply your a nuclear warhead that obliterates everything in existence instead of being subtle, but clear. I prefer to be subtle, but clear, but if you want to chop my head off the moment I say anything you can't counter be my guest.

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Xidphel

 

Yeah, yeah I know how it works.....I'll wait in my led lined fallout shelter. grab a snickers bruh

 

1. I can barely read what you said.

2. I cannot understand how one can fuck up quotes.

3. Hush I said.

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AlGore'sleftshoe

I was the pedestrian walking by the building and you threw a wine bottle out the window and it hit me in the face

 

Rob's topic is good and well-thought-out and has given this game more critical thought than it honestly deserves, gg

well-thought-out, more like overly obsessed with hatred, he hates the game with overly critical rage like anti-semetism obsesses over the very existence of jews and wants them to be destroyed. good is hardly the word I'd choose to describe his hate rally

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Xortberg

 I don't look at popularity to justify my argument,

 

Hmmm...

 

 I'm glad you think you are right when you are in the minority percentage of people who hate the game, keep fighting the flood. 

 

HMMMMMMM.........

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Xidphel
 

well-thought-out, more like overly obsessed with hatred, he hates the game with overly critical rage like anti-semetism obsesses over the very existence of jews and wants them to be destroyed. good is hardly the word I'd choose to describe his hate rally

I'm not sure if there's an appropriate wat image for this post so I'll just go with the following:

826359__safe_twilight+sparkle_fluttershy

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ArwingFan

well-thought-out, more like overly obsessed with hatred, he hates the game with overly critical rage like anti-semetism obsesses over the very existence of jews and wants them to be destroyed. good is hardly the word I'd choose to describe his hate rally

He may hate the game with a burning passion but that doesn't mean his points aren't valid, and if you read his review there are some things about the game he actually likes such as the Meteo level.

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Naza Sutera
but I expected something like this from you, your argument has fallen into parody-level humerusness 

...Um, was it not you who stalked someone from YouTube to this community just to start arguments with said someone? Then got put on blast for the community to see? And what's more, Dras and Xort has been reading you for filth since inception. When nothing's good on cable, people come here to see what drama was kicked up by you. That's parody-level "humerusness", if you ask me.

 

You hate a good game for the most trivial of reasons, I think that's even funnier than when JonTron hates a game for not being as uniform as a Taiwanese high school.

Mind you, we are talking about a video game, trivial in and of itself. Provided that none of us work for Rare/Microsoft or Nintendo, this isn't paying anyone's bills.

 

bad game? what? seriously what?

He is talking about what the game gave him personally. If you like it, that should be fine, right? See here is the thing about opinions; you can only speak from your perspective if you want it to be honest and cohesive. Fuck what ING or GameRatings (is that thing or did I make it up? I dunno...), he's talking about what the game gave his soul, based on his personality, his experiences, and his knowledge.

 

once again Assault is still loved by many, though receives unfair critisism. check out Gamerate; check out the fan reception 83% positive, I'm glad you think you are right when you are in the minority percentage of people who hate the game, keep fighting the flood. also an average rating of 7-8/10 is pretty damn good on gamerate or anywhere else. SF64 was limited HEAVILY, it was the best such a small game could be, Assault definitely wasn't perfect for what it was, but it was still great nontheless. the All-range Arwing sections beat the living shit out of the "all range" Arwing in SF64, the thing felt more like a hovercraft than an aircraft, plus you can hardly fly up or down in SF64, the maneuverability was far more...maneuverable in Assault than 64. the LandMaster? I'm sorry I just don't like to drive a tank that scrolls forward uncontrollably, Assault's LandMaster is still one of my favorite vehicles in any video game ever, such a smooth ride with fluid and easy controls, much like the Arwing.

Dude, it's as if this is a civil rights movement, and you are the Malcom X of SF: Assault. In any case, what the heck is the point in bringing up what others think about the game as to support your argument about why he should like the game? Especially when 1) you don't care about other people's opinions, and 2) you retract it when you are kicked in the stomach with the fact that he really is entitled to his own opinion? It's strange to me when you project that Rob is forcing his opinion down people's throat as fact, when that's pretty much what you've done since you hit the streets of SFO. Its fine you adore the game for all that its worth, but what does that have to do with anyone else, including Rob?

 

It all comes down to one thing though, is it fun? yes, Assault was still a very entertaining game, a GameCube classic, and most of all a beacon of what the games in the future should reflect on, obviously the game's aged, so a new game should be polished and succeed where Assault and 64 failed, AND best all the things those games succeeded.........or we can fly in a straight line and shoot things.

Seriously though. Do you know what an opinion is and how it works? Like, how it is not always necessarily (congruent with) a fact? To say the game is fun is not a fact. Once again, you're talking about what the game gave you personally. It has nothing to do with anyone else.

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Robert Monroe

Updated with Sauria! Its... not Katina, at least.

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Ori

And here I thought I could just see Rob's review get finished without the eventual issue of locking halfway... c'mon guise, just wait a little more...

 

tumblr_m4az0wbcMU1qbd9mj.gif

 

If this is going from a in-depth dissection of the game and its flaws included to just personal feuds over petty, tiny reasons  then I think there isn't anything interest to see here anymore. Back to cable I guess.

 

I loved Assault when I first played. I still do like it. It's a fun game and all, and yet I wholeheartedly agree with Rob because he pinpoints exactly every single thing it could have done better (Rob would be great at CinemaSins! *ding*), either things to common knowledge or that he found himself. Nothing in the series is fully explored and thus it doesn't piece up as a whole into a masterpiece, it's not hard to tell.

 

While SF and Assault in question had good potential and interesting perks, unfortunately we never see those truly done by anyone else than fans so we're left to basically speculation and theories. If you have fanon to share and things you want to make better - or rather, if you want to give life to your personal pipe-dream, the fanfiction board is just down below at the fanart section.

Liking something is good. Learning to make fun of it and bear to see others do the same while taking those in a mature way is even better.

 

Also, reality-check: We're still talking about videogames here right? Not about ideals? Or anything that would need a poll to bring back the Counter-Point?

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Robert Monroe

Don't worry Orbi, I fully plan on completeing this review. I've really nothing more to say to LeftShoe if he's not even going to present counterpoints about my miles-long essay of problems and just be a dork. Have faith!

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Vy'drach

Bloody hell, calm down folks. Can't leave y'all alone for a minute, can I?

 

Now then, Rob, don't start insulting people, that's the fastest way to turn a debate, which is fine and good, into an argument. A debate is like a chess match, civil, intelligent, back and forth. An argument is like two 350 lb dudes in their underwear wrestling in a kiddie pool full of mud in the living room, it might be amusing at first, but it's going to get old kinda fast, there's going to be a mess everywhere, shit people don't want to see is going to start popping out, and both parties involved can't exactly be called intelligent then.

 

And Al, this is a topic about the subjective opinion of one member of the site. It is an accurate representation to him and him alone. Debating the point is alright but understand that it's intangible, nebulous thing vs. intangible, nebulous thing at the end of it. When debating opinions, you must become very familiar with the phrase, "We'll have to agree to disagree." Lord knows I don't agree with a number of things he says, but I'm not him, and neither are you. If I did an Assault playthrough, it would be very different. But mate, you are getting worked up over preferences.

 

Now simmer down the lot of you, keep it civil, debate the points and not each other, and get familiar with agreeing to disagree when an impasse is met. Big Papa Vy is watching y'all.

 

QUXPUKx.png

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Joseph.

Hey Rob, nice review man. Can you please do one for Adventures. Please! :'D

 

Even tho Assault is my favorite Star Fox game (Due to Nostalgia) I gotta admit you did a great job explaining how badly the story was written. I was 9 when I first played this game so story didn't really appeal to me at the time but the gameplay did. However, as the years went by I notice how bad Assault was compared to other Star Fox games.  Maybe this game could be recommend for kids. They might enjoy it xD 

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Drasiana

An argument is like two 350 lb dudes in their underwear wrestling in a kiddie pool full of mud in the living room, it might be amusing at first, but it's going to get old kinda fast, there's going to be a mess everywhere, shit people don't want to see is going to start popping out, and both parties involved can't exactly be called intelligent then.

 

this deserves being in its own post

 

anyway carry on

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Robert Monroe

Adventures and Command are both on my hit list, yes. I'll also be doing reviews of SF64, SF1 and SF2 as well. Basically I wanna give the whole series a nice in depth look eventually.

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Pharaoh Shadon

Ah Sauria. During my LP, I rightfully called it "Sauria Filler" because that's what it really is, filler. This was probably my least favorite level as a kid, and still is. For one, MISSED opprotunity to bring a place back from Adventures (Imagine doing this mission at the walled city.)

 

Tricky then crushes Fox to death and the game is over

During an LP of this game, I actually added the resident evil 4 "You are dead" Screen after Tricky slammed on Fox XD I was debating if I should just end the part like that or not. Sadly, I couldn't because I didn't have the best gear at the time of recording it.

 

I guess the Aparoids killed his parents?

A prince still has responsibility in a kingdom last I heard. 

 

 Krystal just laughs because she's not allowed to have a personality or input in a conversation that technically regards her.

Isn't that a normal response? I know a few people that basically did that same laugh and saying "Okay, that's enough guys" in that same tone. I don't get this whole "Krystal has no personality" thing that people keep saying DX

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Robert Monroe

My point is no mention is ever made of Tricky's family and the game implies Tricky is in charge. Which makes it seems like they're dead. Which happens a lot in this game, I've noticed.

And as for Krystal her personality basically changes every game. She was feisty and outgoing in Adventures, but she's waifish in Assault. To say nothing of her RAINBOW of different personalities in Command. I was merely taking a shot at how Fox and Tricky are arguing over Fox shacking with Krystal and her only reaction is an uninspired bland and flat girly-giggle with "OH YOU BOYS" topped on it.

ALSO I UPDATED AGAIN. Corneria this time, a bastion of mediocrity.

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Naza Sutera

What the hell, Rob? You go ham and cheese on Corneria's detail just to say its ugly? lol

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      "Get it off me, get it off me" yelled Wolf, rolling on the floor. Andross rolled his eyes, and pushed a button activating Phantron's torture device.
      Phantron began inserting excruciatingly sharp electronic needles into Wolf's body.
      "Aaaaaugh. You're horrible, emperor. Horrible!" said Wolf.
      "Haha, yes, I know" said Andross with a proud pompus glare.
      "Get your insipid machine off me" said Wolf. Leon laughed.
      "Don't get your flipping fur all frazzled. I think he likes you. My, this is fun to watch" said Leon.
      "Leon, get the robot off of Wolf" said Andross. Leon was deriving sick pleasure from watching Wolf suffer, as usual.
      "Leon! You obey the me! The emperor! You fight for the emperor, you live for the emperor, you are a soldier for the emperor, remember?" yelled Andross.
      "Yes, Master, sorry. Here Wolf, let me help you" said Leon, pulling the robot off of Wolf's face.
      "There, there!" said Leon wiping Wolf's face clean with a napkin from his delectable Planet Borgalort cold beef sandwich, that he was munching on.
      "Gentlemen, are you finished? Good. I'll handle the presentation from here onwards. As we were saying, the Star Fox team is still not out of commission. They continue to do their dirty work all across the universe, making it increasingly and relentlessly difficult for us to pursue our goals of interplanetary domination and conquest. The galaxy will never know true might, leadership, and power until we eradicate them and those who approve of their reckless ways. Be aware that the Galactic Federation knows full well that I intend to use some of the populace here on Venom as scientific research projects to create super soldiers for my army, on a strictly voluntary basis of course. I did not want to resort to such methods but your repeated failures have led me to wonder about my own convictions and now I see full well that you two are incapable, incompetant, and downright lousy!You will be sent out my air lock chamber soon if you fail your next mission. Go destroy Star Fox. Seek out, kill, and destroy, and don't come back here until every last Cornerian is brought to me" ordered Andross.
      "Your majesty, every single Cornerian? Beamed to your mothership? What for? Are you lonely?" asked Wolf.
      "A good soldier doesn't question," said Andross, rubbing his palms together in a contemplative fashion. "Destroy Star Fox and round up every last Cornerian citizen and bring them all to me. Use the Space Dynamics multi-billion dollar Galactic Sweeper Beaming Device I have installed on your ship to do so. This is an order. You do it if you value Venom, and if you value your life!" said Andross with an evil grin.
      Back with the good guys:
      "It's all fixed up, Falco" said Fox.
      "That's great and all, but Katt Monroe was supposed to be here an hour ago, and I can't find my cell phone to call her with" replied Falco.
      "Well, that's a problem I guess. But, then again, Peppy's a veteran in need of care and I have to get him his spagetti and meatballs" replied Fox.
      "It's ok, Fox. I'll just stick to this baloni sandwich I found in the fridge. It's an old salty dog, just like me" said Peppy, eating.
      "oh no!" said Falco, looking out the window with a look of horror. He saw his phone floating through space.
      "I'll go get that thing!" said Fox, putting on his uniform and racing to his Arwing. He saw a note that read the following:
      "You'll be shot down if you miss a beacon. Gone to watch Miss Laleethia Levanorsi sing Corneria the beautiful at Sargasso. Love, yours truly, SLOB64"
      "Slob64, my old derogatory nickname for Rob64. Ha. Anyway, I gotta get going"
      Later...
      Fox reached out of ship while wearing his protective suit and pulled the cellphone back in. He laughed as he read the texts that got Falco's
      feathers in a frantic fit.
      "Falco, you are such an idiot, such a card" said Fox chuckling. "But I forgive you, you loveable scamp!" he added.
      Back in the mothership, upstairs, we join a very kind-hearted bathing beauty in a serene spa-like room full of plant life and statues and meditation CD's scattered about!
      The beautiful and impeccable space princess, spa owner, pilot, book author, and well-known Cornerian philanthropist Miyu Lynx was
      upstairs in a bubbling and warm hot tub relaxing herself. She had just finished washing her legs with a sponge, watering her plants and had been listening to some really good beepy tech-ish music, if you follow. She took a deep breath, and exhaled, slowly sinking herself into the water.
      "Ahhhh, I love everyone and everything" said Miyu. Her pet bird Pindove squawked.
      "That's my girl. She loves everyone, and everything" said Pindove.
      "Yeah, yes, I sure do" said Miyu in a breathy voice.
      "Wait does that mean you love me too? For realz?" said Pindove, blushing.
      "Sure does, Pindove. I'd never eat you, cuz I'm just too sultry for poultry" said Miyu. She splashed her hands around in the water happily. Then she looked at her palms.
      "I have such incredible hands" said Miyu.
      "Hands. Yes. Incredible, maybe. But I'd say flawless and superior"
      "Ohhh, Pindove, I am the light, you are the darkness, the world is my seed crystal and Katina was so sublime before the emperor seized it" said Miyu.
      "Squawk! So sublime, so sublime" replied the bird.
      "I wish this day would never end. I shant ever be happier" said Miyu. Suddenly, her door broke down, and Falco raced through the room yelling in some ancient alien language. Miyu screamed.
      "Eeeeep!" shrieked Miyu.
      "Where is it?" yelled Falco.
      "Eep! Eeeeep!" Miyu screamed again. Falco raced from one end of the room to the other repeatedly, knocking his head against the wall as he did so,
      tossing plant pots to and fro.
      "Get out of here now, whatever you are, you bad intruder!" said Miyu, throwing a bar of soap at Falco.
      "Fa-Fa-Falckie? Falckie is that you?" asked Miyu. Falco took one look at the cute and sweet Miyu in her bikini.
      "Falckie, are you okay?" asked Miyu. Falco's eyes were widened, and his right eye was twitching repeatedly.
      "Falckie, it's okay Falckie, Falckie? Falckie?" asked Miyu. Miyu splashed water at Falco, causing Falco to go crazy and start looking in all directions
      like a chicken with its head cut off, frantically licking and biting his wings.
      "No need to get your feathers in a fluster, Falckie. Go back to your post okay, Falckie?" said Miyu. Falco's right eye just kept on twitching, and he finally unfroze his body and broke out of his darn near catatonic state and once again became madly energized, running from wall to wall, giving himself head injuries in the process, until finally he landed in the water, doing a cannonball and splashing nearly all of it out of the tub. As his feathers began feeling the bubbling, he squawked repeatedly, flapping his wings, struggling to swim around to get to the surface as more water flew out of the tub. Finally there was no more water, the room was a swimming pool, and Falco was flopping around like a fish while Miyu tried to reassure him that he was not a fish.
      "You can stop now," said Miyu. Falco looked like he was struggling to breathe, Miyu tossed a mint into Falco's mouth and he spit it out in her face.
      Miyu put a towel on and ran out of the room, racing down into the living room with Peppy.
      "He's lost it, Pepperoni. I was in a vane romantic wonderland until that bird went crazy and barged in while I was having the greatest moment of my life!" said Miyu.
      "Wha-what's that?" asked Peppy, who seemed to be in a television induced coma.
      "Oh no, not you too" said Miyu
      "Huh? Oh, Miyu. Help yourself, there's good stuff in the freezer, I'm just worried about Fox is all" said Peppy.
      "Worried about Foxy? Really? What's he up to, Gramps?" asked Miyu.
      "It's nothing. He's on a bit of a wild goose chase though, pumpkin.
      He's out in his Arwing chasing Falco's cell phone through outer space" said Peppy.
      "That...makes...sense" said Miyu in a sarcastic sassy tone.
      "It's all part of the sacred Cornerian duty" explained Peppy. Falco came flopping down the stairs, and landed on the floor face-up, opening and
      closing his beak repeatedly, and begging for water and pain killers. Then Fox came back in his Arwing, landed, came out, and ran into
      the living room.
      "Falco, I got your cell phone! Here ya go!" said Fox. Miyu pointed at the bird on the floor. Falco looked dead as a doornail. Fox could not believe his eyes.
      "Falco, are you okay?" asked Fox.
      "He'll be okay he just needs some good iced tea. Iced tea always helps. Fry him a pancake maybe" suggested Peppy.
      "No, don't fry him a pancake, Pepperoni's just messing with ya, he likes to do that, I should know, he and I are close!" said Miyu.
      "Well, I think he's probably okay. He was like this when we were room-mates back in the academy sometimes before finals" said Fox.
      "Yeah, it's just all this stress, I think" said Miyu.
      "We're gonna have to build a monument to him. He was a good feller!" said Peppy.
      "You mean like that monument we built for Slippy once when we thought he died? Cut it out Peppy!" said Fox.
      "Blur-blur-wing blabbit!" said Falco, speaking jibberish.
      "Wing blabbit? He's talking jibberish, that can't be good!" said Fox.
      Suddenly, a transmission appeared on screen:
      Fox, this is General Pepper. Andross is at it again, he's ordered the Star Wolf team to capture top secret Cornerian military equipment and
      sell it on the black market in order to aquire funds to build a doomsday device capable of beaming up every citizen of our planet into
      his mothership for some sort of purpose of which we know nothing about. You must head for Corneria at once, it is in grave danger.
      I promise your paycheck will be enough to pay the rent.
      "Oh my goodness, that's just what I needed to hear" said Fox. Miyu comforted Fox.
      "It'll be okay. We'll all get through this somehow" said Miyu. She glanced over at Falco.
      "Did he just burp?" asked Miyu.
      "Yes, I think he did," replied Fox. Miyu decided to hug Falco.
      "You poor poor innocent birdie you didn't deserve this! Foxy woxy found your phone, yes he did" said Miyu, kissing Falco's beak. Falco turned red, and began racing through the ship. Then Fox held up his phone, and threw it behind the sofa.
      "Go get it boy! Go get the phone!" said Fox. Falco chased after the phone like a hunting dog, and brought it to Miyu, looking up at her with
      intense approbation, honor, and respect.
      "Falckie, you've never really acted like THIS around me before!" said Miyu, biting her lower lip. She had only seen him behave this way around Katt or Fox.
      "Falco, cut it out. That's your phone, not hers! Snap out of it!" said Fox, snapping his fingers. As soon as Falco heard Fox's fingers snap, he came back to his senses. Then Fox relayed the message from General Pepper, Then Fox relayed the message from General Pepper. They weren't required for another hour or so, so Falco took a bath to relax.
      In Falco's tub:
      Falco was lathering his feathers when suddenly a giant machine arose from the water. It was the Blue Marine in its primitive state. Slippy
      had been testing it out in the hot tub, but this time it was on purpose to help Miyu get revenge on Falco.
      "Oh crud, jeez laweez, what the heck is that?" said Falco. The machine chased him, taking photos of his tail feathers as he ran. As Falco raced downstairs
      in a fit yet again, Miyu and Slippy laughed and high fived each other.
      "Put her there, you big bad bullfrog you!" said Miyu to Slippy.
      THIS STORY HAS TWO CHAPTERS! GO TO CHAPTER 2 NOW! Lol. Or get yourself a cup of coffee first.
      Pepper was seated in his office, chomping roughly on taffy and assorted candies. The walls were lined with
      quotes from many past Cornerian generals. He seemed rather cool and collected, but hiding underneath that
      exterior was a ferrocious commanding warrior hound with an incredible spirit. Pepper and Peppy often tossed back various strategies
      to one another, then relayed them to the rest of the team.
      "Good day, Peppy. I've worked out something that should prove to do well for the team's effort. If you have any questions, just ask" said Pepper.
      "Howdy. Well, alright then" said Peppy, seating himself directly opposite Pepper. Pepper slid over a piece of paper detailing the route he determined that the team should take.
      "What do you think? Does it meet your satisfaction?" asked Pepper.
      "Well, I'll tell ya one thing it meets sir, it meets mah eyeballs" replied Peppy.
      "Still working it out, I see. Have some taffy, good for what ails ya. In fact, one of these taffies before the toils of war saves us from gallons
      of blood on the battlefield, I swear by it to this day" said Pepper. Peppy unwrapped the taffy that the general gave to him and began chewing it while
      looking over the strategy.
      "Sir, I-I-I," Peppy could not finish his sentence.
      "Out with it you blasted bunny rabbit, what is it?" yelled Pepper, slamming the desk.
      "Well sir, it's just that I have an idea for a minor alteration to your plan" said Peppy.
      "What's wrong with it?" asked Pepper. Peppy pulled out a small crayon and began drawing over things, and then showed Pepper the piece of paper.
      "You think the team should go to Fortuna before Macbeth? You're mad!" said Pepper.
      "Listen sir, I know there's a lot of gigantic dinosaurs on Fortuna with helmets and shields and if we could conquer Macbeth first and take back that weapon Andross stole from your artillary base, we'd have a better chance against the dinosaurs. Also, think about it, it's a sneakier way to approach Venom, I happen to have stolen some of Andross's plans, and he's expecting the Star Fox team to take the first route, not the third" explained Peppy. Pepper looked over Peppy's new plan.
      "Bravo, sir. But hogwash. Are you blind, bunny boy? I wasn't planning on taking the team through the first route, in fact my spies
      fed Andross the phony intelligence that we were gonna go that way. Though I commend your sense of strategy, you're overlooking an important detail. We don't have enough fighters to
      deploy to free the rest of the galaxy. Also, if you look over my notes and blueprints you'll see that Fox will enter the black hole after
      setting out from the second route. Bottom line, we don't have enough fighters yet!" said Pepper.
      "Yes we do. I read in the Widow's Nebula that some members of Star Wolf have defected from Andross and are willing to help" said Peppy.
      "That's a bunch of hooey I don't believe it for a second" said Pepper, spitting his taffy in anger.
      "well, I see your point, General" said Peppy.
      "I should hope you do, sir. Content of character is very important to me. I've dealt with enough turncoats and traitors in my day" said Pepper.
      "What if I cloned myself into some kinda fancy souped up super weapon?" asked Peppy.
      "It is the unconquerable soul of a soldier, not the nature of the weapon he uses, that insures victory" replied Pepper.
      "Well I'll be, the unconquerable soul of a soldier, how bout that. Guess that's why we're outnumbered" said Peppy.
      "What did you say? Listen Peppy, my plan will work with some tweaking. The second wormhole in the Asteroid belt leads to a timeline in which
      our military is much more advanced" said Pepper.
      "I see. Well, maybe I'm just getting too old for this. How bout a corn dog and a cold beef sandwich?" asked Peppy.
      Peppy began devouring his corn dog ravenously.
      "Yeehaw, lord bless mah soul, this is the best meal I've ever eaten" said Peppy.
      "It may be your last. Eat heartily" said Pepper.
      "Well, I'm on my way now. Gotta go relay all this stuff to the team" said Peppy, getting into his Arwing.
      "Wait sir, I forgot to warn you of the warphole to Fichina on your way back to the Great Fox...oh well" said Pepper.
      As Peppy left, his only regret was that he failed to share his new chili recipe with the general.
      In a dark room, sitting at a table, the SF team planned their mission. Each member was sipping coffee and soda and enjoying themselves, for a while,
      then they began to wonder what was taking Peppy so long.
      "Where's the Pepster? I kinda miss him a little" said Miyu, pressing her nails against the table.
      "He's probably getting the map from the general. It should outline our course for this mission" replied Fox.
      "I think we should go the third route this time and take Andross by surprise" suggested Falco.
      "The last time we took the third route I had a disasterous experience with Wolf O' Donnel" replied Fox.
      "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that Fox. I really need to learn to shut my big beak" said Falco.
      "Yeah, ya do!" said Fox.
      "Ca-ca-ca-can I say something?" asked Slippy.
      "Sure, Slip!" said Fox, flipping a quarter in the air and making it land on his nose. He then began spinning it on his nose.
      "I just wanted to say that I'm glad we're all here and that we should be thankful we have each other" said Slippy.
      "Yay, hugs all around!" said Miyu. Falco groaned, but Fox just chuckled.
      "Anything else, Slippy?" asked Fox.
      "Well, I was just gonna agree that trying to one up Andross by taking the third route might not be the best idea, there
      are black holes and time warps and things on that third route" said Slippy, stuttering. Miyu sipped her soda.
      "Peppy's late, he's usually here by now to chart the course and show us where we're going" said Miyu.
      "You know how Peppy is," said Falco. "He's probably asleep in a luxury hotel on Eladard or something. Peppy is anything but his namesake!"
      "Don't trash Peppy. He's the smartest, most wise and considerate guy I've ever met in my life, second only to you, Falco!" said Fox in a sarcastic tone.
      "Bushy tail, you earned yourself a cold beef sandwich!" said Miyu, tossing Fox a sandwich.
      "Thanks Miyu, this is delicious!" said Fox, taking a huge bite out of his sandwich. Miyu snapped her fingers, and another sandwich fell into the room.
      "There was more where that came from. Who else wants some sandwiches?" asked Miyu.
      "I sa-sa-sa-sorta want one. With some ba-ba-ba-ba-barbecue sauce, that'd be nice" said Slippy.
      "So you want barbecue sauce manufactured by the sheep people of the Baa Baa Galaxy or what?" asked Falco
      Later, after much sandwich eating soda sipping fun...
      "Well, Peppy isn't coming apparently, I tried to communicate to him on the messenger and his screen went to static!" said Slippy. But Falco was playing cards with Robert, and Fox and Miyu were having too much fun feeding one another to pay attention to Slippy.
      "Pour me some more Ginger Basil Grapefruit spitzer, Miyu!" said Fox.
      "Coming right up, your majesty" said Miyu, pouring Fox's drink. Fox guzzled it down, as Miyu deposited a grape in his mouth. Then she poured more
      spitzer into his glass, and into her glass as they toasted.
      "Some cheese with it?" asked Miyu.
      "Cheese would be great, you know in case you didn't know I love cheese" replied Fox.
      "To a long long riveting romance" said Miyu putting on a pretend accent of some sort, as she and Fox toasted again.
      "I gotta hand it to you Miyu, you're great at arranging little get togethers like this!" said Fox. Falco could not stop chuckling, and Slippy was
      about to panic.
      "I don't arrange the get togethers mah lord. They arrange me, but then I get back at em and one up em with my devout sense of preperation and
      servitude to the cause!" said Miyu.
      "Yeah, well, you're the best Miyu. Say Falco, we should all get together like this more often" said Fox.
      But Falco was playing cards:
      "Two aces, Rob!" said Falco. Slippy thwacked Falco with a frying pan.
      "Tell Fox and Miyu to get their ba-ba-ba butts into high gear now!" said Slippy.
      "Oh, okay. Yeah, good point" said Falco.
      "Tell them, now! Peppy's screen is static, his ship might have been shot down for all we know" said Slippy.
      "Okay Slip. Say Fox, have you forgotten something Fox? This is not a get together. It sure as hell wasn't arranged by Miyu! And the fate of the galaxy is at stake here.
      Is there something about cheese and grapefruit spitzer that sends you two off the deep end or something?" asked Falco.
      "The deep has no end, it keeps unraveling itself with one more tangled web, each getting more tangled and intricately woven than the other" replied Miyu.
      "Hahaha, my sentiment exactly," replied Fox, slamming the table with his fist.
      "Oooh, careful Foxy. Careful!" said Miyu.
      "We're doomed!" said Slippy.
      "Not necessarily. I've got a bullhorn for these silly tipsy whipsies!" said Falco. Falco used his bullhorn.
      "YOW! Falco, what are you doing?" yelled Fox.
      "Trying to bring you back into reality. Things are actually pretty grim right now we don't know where Peppy is!" said Falco.
      "Alas, poor Peppy," said Miyu, leaning back and staring into her fancy glass.
      "Remember that one time when he didn't show up till morning?" asked Fox.
      "Yeah, I do actually. But we should probably go meet with the General on his ship and get an update just to be safe" said Falco.
      So the team got their act together and flew their Arwings to meet with General Pepper.
      "Hello team. All the intelligence data and indications are that Peppy has gotten himself stranded on
      Planet Fichina in the middle of a blistering snowstorm! He doesn't even have a coat!" said Pepper.
      "What do you suggest we do sir?" asked Fox.
      "I don't suggest. I give orders.
      I order Miyu and Slippy to head towards Fichina, while Fox and Falco go and take out the Attack Carrier that has invaded Cornerian airspace" said
      General Pepper. Fox gave a military salute to Pepper.
      "Yes sir, Pepper sir" said Fox. He and Falco raced to their Arwings. Miyu and Slippy hesitantly teamed up, and went to their respective ships.
      We join Miyu and Slippy:
      "So, Slippy, this might be our first mission together, huh?" said Miyu.
      "Blurbitt!" replied Slippy. Miyu moved the Crystal Stick into gear and steered the ship into Fichina.
      "Blurbitt, huh? I like that actually" said Miyu. Suddenly, something came over Slippy as they entered Fichina's foggy atmosphere.
      "You missed a gold ring!" yelled Slippy trying to take charge of the Arwing's control pad.
      "No I didn't, Slipster what the heck are you doing?" yelled Miyu. Slippy sent the ship hurtling towards the ground, and Miyu jumped out and grabbed
      Slippy with her in a parachute. They both hit the ground and watched their Arwing blow up into smithereens.
      "Slippy, what was that?" asked Miyu.
      "I think it's just my allergies" replied Slippy.
      "Oh, yeah, terrific, Slipknot. You do realize you just got yourself the pink slip from me" said Miyu.
      "Is that a reward?" asked Slippy.
      "No, it's um, like, the opposite?" said Miyu.
      "You mean I'm still a calf frog in your eyes? Even after the little trick I hel[ped you orchestrate?"
      "Oh, Slippy, I'm a lynx, you're a frog, you know?" said Miyu.
      "Fair point" conceded Slippy. Miyu held Slippy's hand and attempted to comfort him as they trudged forward into the snow towards the red dot
      on their radar.
      Later...
      A giant missile nearly hit Slippy and sent him flying off far far away.
      Miyu entered the base, shown as a little red "dot" on her GPS navigator. She zapped all the guards with her ray gun and freed Peppy who was in a giant
      cage.
      "Pepster Pops, you're alive!" said Miyu, hugging Peppy.
      "Yeah, well hold on a minute pumpkin puss, I gotta check my pulse. Yeah. I'm still alive" replied Peppy.
      "Peppy, we've gotta find a way off of this planet. Did the baddies take your Arwing?" asked Miyu.
      "Remind me what a-what a...Arwing, as you call it, what is that thing anyway?" asked Peppy.
      "Oh, Peppy. You know what an Arwing is. Let's get out of here and get lunch!" suggested Miyu.
      Miyu and Peppy went to the Fichina Diner.
      "Miyu and Peppy, your tables are ready!" said a voice. Miyu and Peppy raced to their tables. Peppy looked over the menu. The waitress came over.
      "Hi, my name is Bloomeelia Glowdentissa, I'll be serving you today, how can I help you?" asked a cat girl in a maids outfit.
      "I'll have mashed potatoes with gravy and some beans" said Peppy.
      "Fichina's finest! And how may I help you?" said Bloomeelia, glancing at Miyu.
      "Grapefruit," said Miyu. "Just...grapefruit!"
      "Good choice! My friend Rallassa almost exclusively orders grapefruit here every time! I'll be right back!" said Bloomeelia.
      "So, Miyu, I've been thinkin, you know I have this chili recipe I'm thinkin' about perfecting once the war is over" explained Peppy.
      "Oooh, that sounds heavenly. Do tell me more" said Miyu, batting her eyelashes and gazing into Peppy's eyes.
      "Yeah. I'm thinkin' it needs some good ol' fashioned old time Cornerian spices" said Peppy.
      "Can't have enough of those," said Miyu, filing her fingernails.
      "Yeah. Some thyme maybe. Meatballs!" yelled Peppy, slamming the table. Bloomeelia came back with the mashed potatoes and grapefruit.
      "Thank you kindly Miss" said Peppy.
      "Yes thank you, rock on!" said Miyu.
      "You too, funky soul sister!" said Bloomeelia.
      "Do you and her know each other?" asked Peppy.
      "I ran into her once back in Academy. She dropped out early on though to become a sorceress" said Miyu. Miyu pressed the grapefruit against her mouth and
      nose and buried her face in it, soaking in the divine goodness of the moment.
      "Anyway, so I've got this chili thing all planned out" said Peppy.
      "Is your rabbit friend okay?" asked Bloomeelia.
      "He gets like this. His memory is fried" replied Miyu.
      "Well, I'm a sorceress and if I know one thing about memory, doing a special thing you haven't done in years usually gets your memories
      jogging like biscuit fueled fiends!" said Bloomeelia.
      "That gives me an idea of how we'll get the Arwing back from that base!" said Miyu.
      Later...
      "Peppy, you know your Arwing is in there, just because it's heavily guarded doesn't mean we can't get in there" said Miyu.
      "So many guards. Course, there are those barrels over there" said Peppy.
      "Exactly," replied Miyu. "We're gonna have to do it"
      "Get who to do what?" asked Peppy.
      "We're gonna do a barrel roll gosh darn it! I've waited my whole life for this chance" said Miyu.
      "I'm too old, Miyu" yelled Peppy.
      "No you're not!" said Miyu.
      "I'm not?" asked Peppy.
      "No, I think you're as prepped, ready, and as peppy as you've ever been" said Miyu, pushing Peppy into a barrel. She got into the barrel with him.
      "This is a tight squeeze. Crammed in here, but not bad. Not bad at all actually" said Peppy. The two began rolling down the hill, and they sent most
      of the guards running home, flattening some, to a degree. The barrel finally smashed into a wall and broke open.
      And there...in the midst of all...was the Arwing of Peppy, inside the base. Miyu and Peppy raced into the base.
      "Well, we did it, we did a barrel roll together" said Peppy, brushing off his pants.
      "Oh, Peppy. What would Vivian Hare think?" asked Miyu.
      "Who?" said Peppy, confused.
      "Ugh, do we need to do another barrel roll?" yelled Miyu.
      "I don't know but it never pays to underestimate Star Fox, that's for sure" said Peppy. Peppy was about to get into his Arwing
      with Miyu and fly off into the
      sunset when suddenly the dome like base's doors automatically shut, and a vortex appeared.
      Wolf and Falco came out of it.
      "Well well, look what the monsoons brought in. You know it's rather fitting that it end like this, as this planet
      is now the headquarters of Emperor Andross's entire base of operations. I'm only telling you this because I'm confident
      we will defeat both of you" said Wolf, putting out a cigarrette. He held a ray gun up to Peppy and Miyu and proceeded
      to tie them up.
      "You'll never get away with this, Bird Man and Wolf" said Peppy.
      "Falcky's joined up with Wolf and Andross? What the heck is going on?" said Miyu.
      "That can't possibly be Falco, his feathers are too ruffled" said Peppy.
      "No, it's really me. Been tempted to do this for ages, Fox always tried to one up me, he
      thought he had the upper hand of the deck, but now I'm the ace of spades. I now know the truth, that
      Pepper's been playing you all for fools and has you all eating out of his paws like termites, he broke the deal
      he had with Andross, not the other way around" said Falco.
      "Oh please, next you're gonna tell me Fox Mcloud's father actually died of cheese addiction" said Peppy.
      "Yeah, I'm sure some guy named Ben Cheese had something to do with it" said Miyu.
      "Please don't hurt us!" said Miyu.
      "Sorry lady, this is just our duty" replied Wolf.
      "Yes, Andross knows what he's doing" said Falco.
      "You see what's happening here? The bird finally started using his brains. You two can make up for your shortcomings if you so desire, I'm
      perfectly willing to get you two on my side as well, though I doubt you'll take me up on the offer" said Wolf.
      "I'd rather be put in a zoo!" said Miyu.
      "I'd rather be forced to deliver candy door to door in a bunny outfit" said Peppy. Falco groaned. Wolf continued speaking.
      "Cornerians are going to soon be upgraded, and those who refuse will be immediately terminated" said Wolf.
      "Upgraded? You mean experimented on and treated like an animal, right? Not gonna happen Wolf" said Peppy. Wolf pulled
      out a remote and activated a trap door with a growing wormhole underneath. He used the remote to lower the pillar Miyu and Peppy were tied to further and further down, hoping they would fall victim to the wormhole wherein Andross would kill them. He began mocking them.
      "Hey, no sweat dear fellows. Trust your instincts, don't ever give up, hahaha" chuckled Wolf. Wolf then got in Peppy's Arwing with Falco and was just
      about to take off, when Miyu began chewing on the ropes with her sharp teeth. She cut Peppy free the same way, and grabbed
      on to him just as he was about to fall into the hole. They began blasting inside the Arwing, causing the entire machine
      to start flashing. Wolf and Falco evacuated the ship and it burst into flames.
      "Congratulations, you destroyed your own ship!" said Wolf.
      "Not so" said Peppy, texting Pepper on his phone. A vortex opened and a fresh new Arwing appeared.
      "What the heck?" asked Wolf.
      "It pays to eat out of Pepper's paws, Wolf. But it doesn't pay to eat out of the hands of Emperor Andross, who's
      about to get his just desserts by the way" said Peppy, getting into his Arwing.
      "Take me with you" said Miyu, gazing into Peppy's face with starstruck eyes.
      "No, I'd feel too bad if something happened to you" replied Peppy.
      "Please, Vivian Hare's dead, and I...love you" said Miyu.
      "Oh, alright, if it means that much to you, I'd rather die with you than anyone else" said Peppy. Peppy
      and Miyu got into the Arwing, and flew into the wormhole to meet up with Andross. Wolf and Falco
      got into a seperate ship and followed in pursuit.
      The Final Battle Begins:
      Sure enough, there was Andross, complete with his diabolical mechanically constructed new face and metal hands.
      "The lynx and the rabbit, I'm not used to this. Very well, I'll destroy you both just the same" said Andross, as he
      began attempting to send enourmas blocks of energy towards Peppy's Arwing. Peppy fired many shots into Andross's hands
      destroying both of them. Finally Andross attempted to suck the arwing into his mouth.
      "Peppy, what do you do in this situation? Remember? You DO A BARREL ROLL!" said Miyu.
      "Understood, my precious lynx!" said Peppy, who made the Arwing do many consecutive barrel rolls succesfully avoiding
      Andross's sinister clutches. Finally Peppy began blasting the flashing red eyes of Andross, and Andross's face-ship split
      into pieces, leaving only a box with a giant brain inside of it. Peppy fired a nova bomb at it and it exploded. Miyu kissed Peppy's cheek and Peppy
      felt very relieved to be back in the game, and also incredibly amazed and amused, as he had defeated Andross for the first
      time with no help from Fox whatsoever.
      "Fox probly still thinks Andross is on Venom" said Miyu jokingly.
      "Yeah" said Peppy. "We rock!"
      "What about Wolf and Falco though?" asked Miyu.
      "Just got a text from Pepper. They've been taken into custody. Falco was exposed to a brainwashing helmet.
      The effects will wear off soon enough" said Peppy.
      Later...
      We join Falco and Katt in their apartment.
      "I can't believe I fell for Andross's garbage" said Falco.
      "It's okay, chickie poo. Your feathers have been ruffled enough. Come lather my fur why don't you?" said Katt.
      "Gee thanks, I think I'll pass for now" said Falco.
      "So, are you gonna take me on that vacation to Fortuna in that delicate ship of yours?" asked Katt.
      "Yes, but don't call it delicate that diminishes its value. Let's go, Katt!" said Falco.
      The Conclusion:
      "Wow, Peppy, I'll never consider you an old timer again" said Fox.
      "Congratulations to you and Miyu!" said Slippy.
      "Next week we're getting married" said Peppy.
      "I think I'm gonna cry" said Slippy.
      "I'm gonna cut the cake now. Know what it says on it?" asked Fox.
      "What?" asked Peppy.
      PEPPY WANTS YOU
      TO DO A BARREL ROLL
    • TheRadFox987
      By TheRadFox987
      Greetings, fellow Cornerians I am here.