Why do I lose control when I lose in a game?

[The VGM Lover 194]

A few days ago, I went to a gaming event in my college. I was excited to be there. But then, I saw Smash bros. and immediately decided to play because a friend was there. When I did, all the excitement I felt ground to a halt. The only thing I felt was frustration after only one loss, and uncontrollable urges just to win followed. I felt like I was the laughing stock of the battle, even though no one was really laughing at me; they just told me to calm down, or make it seem like I was just a f****** CPU fighter. After losing every single match in our battle, I sat alone near a table for more than hour, just moping away, looking as if I got wasted on beer (even though I don't drink, I was just f****** miserable the whole time.) What should have been the happiest day of my life turned out to be the complete opposite.

This isn't the first time I got frustrated over a few losses.

This frustration peaked its head throughout my childhood, but it became all too apparent when I began playing online in almost any competitive game, like the aforementioned Smash bros., Call of Duty, Ironfall, even AC: Black Flag had me smashing my head in anger, and all I can do is blame myself for my poor lack of skill (Even though I can get the job done in single player, I can almost never win in competitive matches; my Win Rate for Smash Bros. currently sits at 28%).

I think the source of my frustration is the fact that I pity myself every time I lose, and continue to kick myself until I win, and when I never win and I have to give up to avoid destroying something, I do nothing with a miserable look in my face for an extended period of time. 

I'm asking because this has gone for too long, and it's severely impacting my personal life: What do I do?

[Arminius H O Fiddywinks 210]

I suggest focusing on getting better instead of being sad about not being good. For example, when I do poorly online, I simply say to myself "I should get better at this. Let's try again." I try to avoid saying "I suck, I give up. I'm done."

To put it simply, don't be a defeatist.

[The VGM Lover 194]

Here's the thing: You know what insane really means? Doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different result? That's me. I lose once, and I'll never stop trying again until someone gets p***** and tells me to stop. I'm trying to get better, but I'm hurting myself doing it because of how godd*** difficult everybody seems to be online, and my biting desire to try and match their skills.

[Arashikage 429]

My advice: Stop playing competitive video games.  You literally wasted what was supposed to be a great day, because you lost at a video game.  Seriously, if it becomes that much of a problem you need to step back and examine what's exactly going on.  It may seem like I'm blowing things out of proportions here, acting as if this were something like alcoholism, but it seriously can be that much of a problem.  When things begin to seep into your personal life that way, it becomes a problem.  Something like this is not an easy thing to approach but you need to realize a simple truth.  If something isn't working for you, and you've been trying and trying and it still isn't working, maybe it's not for you.  There's always going to be someone better than you at something, just like there's always gonna be someone better than me, or anyone else, and honestly the competitive Smash community is not a nice one to get involved in.  Life's too short to get worked up over a video game.  

[The VGM Lover 194]

That... pretty much means I'll have to abandon one of my childhood franchises altogether, because after you've completed and collected everything in the game, there's nothing else left to do.  

[Dr. Orange 1554]

 

"It isn't so much that you must succeed ... others must fail."

[Clearwater 386]

I also get kinda mad when me and my team lose most of the time on a TF2 match, and I usually end up switching to the winning side. Why?

"There is no honor to remaining with the losing side. Leaving it for the winning side, however... That's just good buisness." - Sao Feng, Pirates Of The Carribean - At World's End

When I sit up and think about it though, just because I lost ONE match doesn't mean I'm going to lose the rest of them. Sure, there are much, much better players out there than me. But when I stop and think about it, I'm just grateful I'm not the worst player, either. And that fact alone is enough to make me stop getting mad at losing, and make more determined to up my game.

[ArwingFan 112]

Call me a casual but I don't get involved in competitive games, my reaction time just isn't that great. I'd rather enjoy myself to an adventure than play online and constantly lose to someone who can react to every sixtieth frame.

[Gestalt 562]

In addition to getting better, learn how to improve. Analyze your mistakes and seek to make them less. Smash boards character threads may get you in the groove of things: http://smashboards.com/categories/super-smash-bros-for-wii-u-3ds.289/

I encourage you to not view your win rate. I've seen accounts of near perfect win rates stand only to fall against an eventual match up to a player of heightened skill. Relying on that metric will only serve to burst bubbles since it is neither resistant to, nor reflective of the challenges you face.

Keeping your cool should come firstly for yourself, presumably because you're too focused on what your fingers are doing.

[That Ain't Falco 142]

This happens with me, too. I find it helpful to talk to myself during a match, but I'm also a person who laughs at absolutely nothing. Take my advice with a grain of salt.

Another thing you might want to avoid is looking up advanced strategies and attempting to carry them out for a bit. Mishaps in executing difficult combos that you *almost* got last time are also immense sources of frustration. Play against some easy CPUs, go with the flow, try a new character, make some custom builds for the heck of it, relax, and don't quit the game immediately after losing a match. Instead, play a round of classic on an easier difficulty to cool off, and then give it another shot if you feel like it.

[The VGM Lover 194]

8 hours ago, That Ain't Falco said:

This happens with me, too. I find it helpful to talk to myself during a match, but I'm also a person who laughs at absolutely nothing. Take my advice with a grain of salt.

Another thing you might want to avoid is looking up advanced strategies and attempting to carry them out for a bit. Mishaps in executing difficult combos that you *almost* got last time are also immense sources of frustration. Play against some easy CPUs, go with the flow, try a new character, make some custom builds for the heck of it, relax, and don't quit the game immediately after losing a match. Instead, play a round of classic on an easier difficulty to cool off, and then give it another shot if you feel like it.

I did all that, but once again, here's my problem: I lose once, I DON'T quit. Instead, I get angry and keep trying over and over until I want to break something, either myself or an object!

Primarily, I'm become that one Smasher who looks up to these Online Experts with utter jealousy and hate because all they have done was make me feel weak and insignificant, with no desire for remorse or pity (i.e. letting me win) for all THAT does is make me feel even weaker, and worse, like a brat.

Maybe I should just give up on competitive Smash altogether, but if I do that, there's nothing else to do! I've already used up all my ideas for a Custom Stage in the Wii U version, and What's the point of makin' a new Mii Fighter if you can't put it against something worth your time?

Honestly, this leaves me wondering what I even SAW in Smash 4 after I've gotten all there was to be gotten in the game.

(sigh) I'm getting frustrated just typing this. Look, bottom line, what should I do? 

[That Ain't Falco 142]

1 minute ago, amcintyr9998 said:

I did all that, but once again, here's my problem: I lose once, I DON'T quit. Instead, I get angry and keep trying over and over until I want to break something, either myself or an object!

Primarily, I'm become that one Smasher who looks up to these Online Experts with utter jealousy and hate because all they have done was make me feel weak and insignificant, with no desire for remorse or pity (i.e. letting me win) for all THAT does is make me feel even weaker, and worse, like a brat.

Maybe I should just give up on competitive Smash altogether, but if I do that, there's nothing else to do! I've already used up all my ideas for a Custom Stage in the Wii U version, and What's the point of makin' a new Mii Fighter if you can't put it against something worth your time?

Honestly, this leaves me wondering what I even SAW in Smash 4 after I've gotten all there was to be gotten in the game.

(sigh) I'm getting frustrated just typing this. Look, bottom line, what should I do? 

This is sort of a definition of insanity situation, then. Change creates change. You need to change your habits before you can change your outcome.

[The VGM Lover 194]

How do eventually get around to changing my habits? It's not an easy thing to do, psychologically.

[That Ain't Falco 142]

26 minutes ago, amcintyr9998 said:

How do eventually get around to changing my habits? It's not an easy thing to do, psychologically.

No, but it starts with constantly being aware of what you're doing.

[The VGM Lover 194]

Which I hope I'm doing now by discussing it with you.

[ArwingFan 112]

I had a similar problem, when I see someone do absurdly well on a game say get 700+ points on Area 6 or lock me into a combo until death in fighting games, it stings.

My advise is to drop the "I want to be the very best" mentality.  Also find ways to enjoy games other than for their competitive value.  Try playing games for other things like their immersive worlds, engaging story or fun level design.

[The VGM Lover 194]

Liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike: ?

Even this game is actually more immersive than Smash 4, because in the latter, all you get is a stage and a bunch of fighters. Where's the immersion in that (And that's why I was pretty disappointed when they took out Adventure mode in it)?

Also, I'm open to many different genres, actually. Sonic and The Secret Rings is my favourite Sonic game so far because of one thing: with enough upgrades, you get to go FAST.

 

I thoroughly enjoyed 1080 Snowboarding because of its ease of control and DAT MUSIC!! 

 

I love F-Zero X because of how frantic the action is and how intense the tracks are.

I really hope to find F-Zero GX one day and get a sense of their action and intensity, even despite difficulty warnings.

And one last example: Xenoblade. Forget Fallout, I didn't even play Xenoblade, but I have seen it, I have tuned into Zenoblade Chronicles X's videos on Nintendo's own Youtube Channel, and I want it so badly. It could end up being nothing less than the greatest RPG I have ever played.

 

 

[Arashikage 429]

23 hours ago, ArwingFan said:

My advise is to drop the "I want to be the very best" mentality

This is the best advice.  There is nothing worse than a try hard who can't settle for less than first place.  Especially to that very person with that attitude.  They're not fun to be around, and they're not kind to themselves.  It's a very negative situation for everybody.

[The VGM Lover 194]

9 hours ago, Arashikage said:

This is the best advice.  There is nothing worse than a try hard who can't settle for less than first place.  Especially to that very person with that attitude.  They're not fun to be around, and they're not kind to themselves.  It's a very negative situation for everybody.

I know, but that's not gonna be easy. How do I simply drop this mentality? Right now, I'm trying to cope with this mentality by outright avoiding competitive games now.

This is perhaps exactly why I'd have no problem if Star Fox Zero didn't have online competitive. That'd be one less game to make my "get better or punish myself" attitude stick out.

[geoprimedonna 217]

Well, there is an effective ways to relieve stress after losing a game.

1. Buy a stuffed Yoshi.

2. Do this.