I have been super shy about this, but I've wanting to talk about this for a long time. I played a game to guess what LPer I am into and it is now finished. It's true, my favorite LPer is Chuggaaconroy. I admire that guy so much.
Many of you know Chuggaaconroy as a very popular LPer who has done a dozen LPs on Youtube. He mainly does Nintendo games. He loves game franchises such as Mario and Pokemon and has done more of those games than any other. His real name is Emile.
However, I like him for more than just his LPs. He is quirky, much like I am, he is very entertaining; I love hearing his bad puns, I always thought bad jokes were funny, he is very unique and I feel the same way about myself. I also like to hear him talk a lot about himself. The person he is, to me, is what makes him truly special. Whenever I hear him talk about himself, I start to feel a connection with him. He and I have so much in common with each other. He and I grew up alone during our childhood. Neither of us made a lot of friends when we were kids and we both cope with that loneliness through video games. The difference is I chose to be alone because I was more comfortable alone but I never really understood why. He, on the other hand, didn't really have anyone in his life that he really connected with, not even his own parents, I'm sure of that. Speaking of which, not making any strong connections with our parents is another thing we have in common with each other. What I feel towards Emile is really special to me. To have him overcome his shyness through his LPs is much like what I want to do.
There was something else with this guy that I should mention and it is something that I have been struggling with. I remember several times that I was trying to reach out to him but I received no response from him. I found myself trying to get his attention several time. But then one evening, I realized something that I didn't like; I was coming another obsessed fan girl. That did not feel good at all. When I found out about that, I struggled with that want for reaching out to this guy and my needs for maintaining self-control. The revelation was so intensely upsetting that I starting crying after I went to bed that night because I couldn't stand the thought of becoming another obsessed fan girl.
I have spent a lot of time thinking about this. I struggled between my wanting to meet him and my needs to build a decent life for myself. I still want to meet him but I prefer not to give in to this feeling if it ruins me. Whatever struggles that are going on inside me, they're my responsibility, mine and mine alone. No one else should be blamed for this, especially not Emile. Even more so than that, I tend to forget that I am just one out of millions of people, so finding someone like me would be extremely difficult to say the least. Perhaps I don't need him to notice me and I will accept that if I have to but if he wants to notice me, I would be more than happy to have that. As I thought about this, the best thing for me would be to let him decide what he wants to do. At least, that's what I tell myself. Ultimately, what I really need to do is to reach out to everyone because we all need each other much like how he needed to find people that would like him for him. I would love to be one of those people because I do care about him as a person. I don't know if we will ever meet and I'm not sure if we should but if we do, there is so much that I want to say to him. He does mean so much to me.