Bar Jokes

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I love bar jokes. Got some that you heard or have some of your own? They can be long or short, it don't matter. Please share them and have fun doing it :)


I'll start...

Man walks into a bar. Bartender says, "what will you have?" Man says, "anything, I need to get drunk cos my wife is a cheetah." Bartender says, "my wife too, she's always a lion."

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So a man with Alzheimers walks into a bar, spots a gorgeous woman, sits next to her and says "Hey, babe. Do I come here often?"

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A termite walks into a bar, jumps up on the table and looks around and asks "Hey, where's the bar tender?"


A man walks into a bar with a giraffe, the man stays a while and the giraffe decides to have a sleep on the floor.  When the man is about to leave without the giraffe, the bartender yells "Hey!  You can't leave that lyin' there!" And the man says "That's not a lion, that's a giraffe!"


Robert Altman, Bethesda CEO walks into a bar... And then lowers it

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A bar walks into a guy, asks the drink for a bartender.

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I go to a super, and buy some chocolate bar.

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Feminist walks into a bar, bartender asks, "what will you have?"

Feminist says, "give me the manliest drink you have."

Bartender thinks about it and does just that, but hands the feminist a glass of water.

Feminist gets instantly triggered, "I asked for something manly and you give me water?"

Bartender replies, "whiskey, gin, vodka and tequila never saved anyone dying of thirst. If you ask me, the manliest man is the soberest man."

Feminist then says, "if that's true, then why sell alcohol or why even drink at all?"

Bartender leans in closer and replies, "You walked in, reason enough."

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