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The Open mic night game!


Hatsworth III

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Simple! tell jokes here! (no yiff jokes please), the jou rate the joke, like 0-10 points+ comments.

so.. i start!

what the orange said to the tomato?

"we could catch-up later!"

got it? ketchup? catch-up?

*Prepare to get hit by tomatoes*

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no yiff jokes? awwwww :(

Okay i will let pepole tell yiff jokes... but just to see you happy! and if the admins get pissed about the yiff jokes, it was your idea.

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*pokes the mic nervously*

Uhhhmm... Uhh...

*passes out and falls on the floor from stage fright*

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so there was a mathematician on a plane.  The pilot came back and said "Don't worry anybody, we'll be fine, but one of our four engines has blown out." the pilot then said "there's nothing to worry about, but we will be 2 hours late."  A little while later, the  The pilot came back again and said "Don't worry anybody, we'll still be fine, but another of our four engines has blown out." the pilot then said "there's still nothing to worry about, but we will be 5 hours late."  A while later the pilot came back AGAIN and said " PLEASE Don't worry, we'll still be fine, but a third of our four engines has blown out." the pilot again said "there's nothing to worry about, but we will now be 10 hours late."    The mathematician stood up in disgust and said " GREAT! if ONE more engine blows, we'll be up here FOREVER!"  :lol: :lol: :lol:

(you'll only get it if you've had calculus)

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so there was a mathematician on a plane.  The pilot came back and said "Don't worry anybody, we'll be fine, but one of our four engines has blown out." the pilot then said "there's nothing to worry about, but we will be 2 hours late."  A little while later, the  The pilot came back again and said "Don't worry anybody, we'll still be fine, but another of our four engines has blown out." the pilot then said "there's still nothing to worry about, but we will be 5 hours late."  A while later the pilot came back AGAIN and said " PLEASE Don't worry, we'll still be fine, but a third of our four engines has blown out." the pilot again said "there's nothing to worry about, but we will now be 10 hours late."    The mathematician stood up in disgust and said " GREAT! if ONE more engine blows, we'll be up here FOREVER!"  :lol: :lol: :lol:

(you'll only get it if you've had calculus)

Or if your not that dumb mathematician :) I ain't got no calculus.

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This is from a friend.

"I was in the pub yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart.

The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me.

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod."

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a woman walks into a convinence store and asks"do you have any small note books?"

"sorry" says themanager"were all out"

the woman shrugs,and asks"well, do you have any mechanicle  pencils?"

"nope not that either,"says the manager

The woman feels her stomach rumbling and asks, "Do you have Doritos? Nachos?"

The manager shrugs, "Sorry. Don't have that."

"My God!" the woman shouts, "If you don't have anything, you should close the store!" 

The manager shrugs, "Don't have the key."

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Hi,

The pope dies and goes to heaven. At the gates of heaven Saint Peter waits. "What is your name?" - "I'm the POPE!" - "Hm... P - Po... Pope? I can't find your name on the list?" - The Pope gets angry: "WHAT? I'm head of the catholic church!" - "Catholic church? Never heared of that." The Pope gets really mad: "WHAAT? I'm god's deputy on earth." "The boss has a deputy? I didn't even know that! Wait a second, I'll gonna ask him."

So Peter goes back and asks god. "Hey boss, there's someone out there and says he is the pope, head of catholic church and your deputy. Do you know him?" God answers: "No - let's ask Jesus. JEEEESUUUS!" Jesus comes along

and god and Peter tell him the situation. "Let me see what I can find out" Jesus says and goes out. After ten minutes he returns. He roars with laughter. "Hey, do you remember the small fishing club I founded 2000 years ago? It still exists!" XD

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"a guy appears in heaven and saint peter walk towards him and asks:"

"- do you want to see your whole life?"

"the guy answers: -yes!"

"a lot of pictures of video games appear for hours"

"saint peter says: -WHAT THE FU-"

-from a website

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