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Beach Trip


Guest Julius Quasar

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Guest Julius Quasar

I just got a call from my friend NORAD,

I'm going to Pismo Beach this weekend with him and some other friends of mine.  We're gonna celebrate the last of the warm[er] fall days before it gets too cold out here.  My friends want to make a tradition of this every mid-September, so I'm gonna go with them.

I'll be out of town until at least Tuesday, so yeah.  See ya' guys later.

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Guest Julius Quasar

I'm back...

[sarcasm] Nice to know so many people missed me while I was out. [/sarcasm] :P

But thanks FoXXX, Nick1439, and OneWingedAngel92302. 

Good to be back

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Guest Julius Quasar

Psh, You know more people missed you, Julius! =]

But still, glad to have my pal back!

Maybe so.. ;)

Thanks buddy!

The beach trip was a disaster, sadly.  If any of you saw the TV show "Salute Your Shorts" on Nickelodeon (in the later days of the "Fart Joke Era"), and you saw the episode where Ugg took the kids on that beach trip in lieu of their usual "Instructional Swim" class, that's what it was like for us. xD

Friday afternoon, we left, in hellatious weekend traffic (brilliant, NORAD!) :roll:

Then we had a flat tire, which put us behind.  NORAD and I were the only ones who knew what we were doing, and while NORAD changed the tire, and I held the hubcap and the lug nuts for him, THIS happened:

Only I didn't say fudge either. I said the word . The big one . The queen mother of all dirty words? . The F dash dash dash word .  :lol:

We found the lug nuts, despite the dark, and the other guys bumbling about.

Then we spent the night in the motel, after NORAD got tired and nearly crashed.  :facepalm:

We were in an AEROSTAR van, with a bed in the back (it had seat belts for extra passengers).  It was NORAD, his girlfriend Krystal (DON'T get any ideas...), Cadmus, Bill, Crumbs (real name Harry), and his spoiled (but beautiful) princess of a sister Shana (Harry and Shana each are a hedge/trust fund prince and princess).  Harry's okay, but Shana, though beautiful, is a...bit of a bitch.

Anyways, the DVD player/TV was on the fritz...we got lost, a lot, because the GPS navigator failed on us, and the paper map I had brought, Cadmus imitated the Family Guy joke cutaway clip "Lewis and Clark, and the Guy Who Likes To Rip Up Maps".  [sarcasm] Ha, ha! REAL hilarious!  Thanks a lot, Cadmus.[/sarcasm]  :evil:

On the highway, further down, Cadmus mooned a CHP Officer on a motorcycle.  We got pulled over.  Cadmus got a $300 fine for indecent exposure, and NORAD got a $450 fine because of a passenger in his vehicle wasn't wearing a seat belt, and engaging in lewd and disorderly conduct.

When we FINALLY made it to Pismo Saturday night, we had to stay in a cruddy neighborhood FAR from Pismo Beach because NORAD's AAA Membership expired, 'cause the cheapskate didn't renew it.  It don't make sense, either, since NORAD owns a very successful apartment building, he makes 6 figures net income off of it, and he legally found a loophole to avoid paying all taxes on it.  So we stayed at that motel, in a cruddy area, Krystal and Shana had a room, and the rest of the guys had a room.  I volunteered to sleep in the van bed, seeing all those "bedbug epidemic" stories on the news made me paranoid, though the rooms didn't have that problem, thank God.  The guys let me in to use the hotel room toilet and shower and such.

That night, though, the guys had a farting contest in the room, and Cadmus (who looks and acts like that fat blond loud crazy guy Carter Scott from the movie "College" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/College_%282008_film%29 ), he "Gambled and Lost", he went to this coin-op laundromat down the street, and used quarter slugs to cheat them out of detergent and a washer cycle/use...the owner chased him with a baseball bat down the block, Cadmus had his pants, still wet from the washer, since he was caught using the slugs, and he had the slugs jingling in a pouch around his neck, and his swim trunks, which he didn't tie properly, fell down around his ankles, tripped him, so he had to bunny hop, holding his wet pajama pants in one hand, and holding up his swim trunks with the other hand, and he's banging on the van door and scaring the bejesus out of me as I slept, demanding I let him in and hide him, because he thought the laundromat owner was still chasing him, and the guys heard us shouting and let Cadmus in, then they booted him out and made him sleep in a lounge chair by the pool that night for waking me and the whole hotel up, and for stiffing the laundromat, which is why he woke everyone up in the first place.

So on Sunday, we went to the beach....Billy lost his glasses, and when we helped him look for them, he found them...in the worst way a person could find a pair of glasses...yep, you guessed it.  *CRUNCH!*  He stepped on them!  And he cut his foot.  I was the only one who brought along a Johnson and Johnson First Aid Kit (and I paid for our snacks and provisions, thanks to Smart and Final, we had sodas, snacks, water bottles, and antibacterial moist towelettes).  Poor Billy had to spend the rest of the trip wearing a Bread Bag rubber banded over his injured foot to keep the water and sand off his bandages and out of his wounds as he walked on the beach. 

Well, we had some fun on Monday, then when the end of the day came along, Cadmus drove the van away without us, the others fell asleep in the van, and they didn't notice us missing...Cadmus then realized he forgot us halfway back to the motel, his phone was out of juice, and the others didn't have their phones turned on (to save battery power), but he still realized 2 people were missing, he drove back as fast as he could, and then blew out the tires on that "SEVERE TIRE DAMAGE" spike strip at the parking lot's exit when he saw us and pulled in too soon.  Without AAA, we had a hell of a time finding someone to tow the van, and fix the tires....but we found it.

The driver and passenger side front windows wouldn't go up in the van on the way back, and Krystal and I were the only ones who had brought warm jackets, and we drove back to the motel in the cold, damp night air after waiting forever for those dudes to tow and fix the tires...Cadmus is nice and fat, no need for a blanket or jacket...Shana cocooned herself in the beach blanket, Crumbs (Harry) was wrapped in the plastic tarp (fortunately they had brought a plastic tarp, and a large beach blanket for us all to relax on while we were at the beach, because the towels aren't enough), and Billy used the dry[er] towels to stay warm.  The next day, Tuesday, we took turns driving home since NORAD had a chill and a cold...I drove us to a nice Jewish deli in Glendale, and got an order of Matzahball Soup for NORAD, and we got some Vick's Vapor Rub for him as well.

The Matzahball Soup did the trick, as did the Vapor Rub, he felt much better afterward. 

The trip sucked, but at least it was interesting. 

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It is good to have you back Julius!!!

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Thanks FoxMcCloud!  Good to be back!

Ah welcome back Julius, can I have those tools you borrowed back? But seriously how was the trip? Oh and happy madness day!
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I'm back...

[sarcasm] Nice to know so many people missed me while I was out. [/sarcasm] :P

But thanks FoXXX, Nick1439, and OneWingedAngel92302. 

Good to be back

oh so that's why I didn'T see much of you.

You really need to find better  friends to hang around.

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oh so that's why I didn'T see much of you.

You really need to find better  friends to hang around.

I notice you say the friends thing a lot. And just so you know, it is not always an easy task to find good friends.

Maybe not for you, and if this is so, I envy you. But know, it is not an easy task as some think.

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Guest Julius Quasar

Welcome back my friend! :)

Thanks.

oh so that's why I didn'T see much of you.

You really need to find better  friends to hang around.

Sorry, yeah, it was a spur of the moment.  Also, NORAD forgot to bring his Blackberry device, so I couldn't log on to tell you here and "elsewhere" ;)  I'd be out of town.  Those guys ain't so bad, heck, I've had worse friends (who are no longer my friends)...

I notice you say the friends thing a lot. And just so you know, it is not always an easy task to find good friends.

Maybe not for you, and if this is so, I envy you. But know, it is not an easy task as some think.

Thanks.  You just gotta put yourself out there, don't fear rejection, and...be brave, be yourself.  "To have friends, you have to be friendly towards others..." and you, Nick, are definitely friendly towards others.  Shyness can be a hurdle, but I was once shy too.  :friends:

Welcome back my friend! :)

thanks.

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