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All, After rereading through my old writings, i have decided to rewrite, and should be posting the chapters later. After reviewing, I saw that I was rushing the whole thing, and could be developing the storyline a WHOLE lot better.

Thanks guys for all of your help, it really does mean alot to me :D  :friends:

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Yeah, but I want to redesign the concept, and the writing style that I used was ehhh.

I have a better intro in mind, and I want to build it up and add more detail :D

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( I hope that This is alot better, PLEASE PROVIDE CRITICISM...I NEED IT My writing can only improve with your help.)


It was dark outside, and the weather was turning for the worse. A sobbing mother sat next to an empty crib. Her ears perked up as a wet man, his fur soaking wet. “Vixy” he said with a voice which carried a cold and heartbroken tone, “I tried to catch them, but it was too late. He’s gone.” Tears filled his eyes and he collapsed to his knees.

“James, he is only a few weeks old, we have to find him.” She cried. “ James replied “ Vixy, whoever they were I couldn’t get them, but I will not rest, I will not sleep until the person who stole our son Maverick is brought to justice.

A small kitsune who was about 2 walked in and said “Daddy, why you crying?” James smiled, and said “Don’t worry Fox, Everything is going to be ok”  –Scene fades-

An investigation went on for the whereabouts of James McCloud’s missing son, and no one really knew much about Maverick. They only real people who knew about the birth of Maverick was Peppy, Vixy, and James himself. The rest of the records had been sealed, and Maverick had been marked as Missing.

The stress of losing Maverick was too much for Vixy and she soon passed away weeks after the police gave up search for Maverick.

James was now left with the torment of his wife and his missing son. He knew his son was still out there, somewhere, and he would never give up until he found him.

Fox had grown up to be a strong man, and never remembered anything about his little brother.

As for Maverick well………..


*In a Lab somewhere*

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU JUST GOT ONE?” Andross yelled to a henchman. “I tried but this one was the first I saw, and by the time I came back for the other Vixy was home?” The Henchman replied. “Very well, here are your instructions and the serum.”

A few minutes had passed and the Henchman entered the room where baby Maverick was laying in a cradle.

“Here ya go Maverick… Drink this up.” A henchman stated to him, as he handed a bottle to the baby Maverick. “This formula that Andross made will make you into a human, then James can never find you” The henchman said evilly as Maverick cried from the painful transformation process.

“Ugly thing aren’t you” The henchman stated before he gave Maverick some sleeping medicine to calm him down.

The henchman walked over to the table and prepared the transfer. The henchman found a cradle, and a note. He then prepared Maverick with the cradle, a blanket and the note, as per Androsses Order.

The henchman brought the cradle to the transfer room. He inputted the coordinates that Andross gave him and said evily “Bye Bye Maverick……have fun on Earth”


*In Salem University Hospital in Salem, OR*

Nurse Penny and Nurse Jane were out on their break out in the back of the hospital.

“So Penny do you remember that drunk patient from 3B?” Jane said

*faint baby cry* “Yeah he was crazy……..hey do you hear that?” Penny replied?

“Yeah it sounds like a baby” Jane replied.

Nurse Jane and Penny investigated and found the baby next to a dumpster with a card next to it. The card with horrible English handwriting said this

Whoever finds this child, his name is Maverick McCloud, I hope that he has a nice home as that is the least I could do for Vixy, rest her soul.

“Great, another abandoned child”  Penny Said, “Lets do some research and see if we can match the DNA, or names with families.”

Maverick stayed in the nursery for weeks until Penny and Jane could figure out to do with him. Turns out that they could find  no such information and from what protocol had suggested was to make fake birth information, register him in the Social Security database.

Child Services had later arrived after a few days and came to pick up Maverick.

Jane and Penny looked at the C.S (child services) officer and stated "Take care of him please"

The officer turned around and said "We will do our best"

For years Maverick had drifted from Foster Home to Foster home. Unlike most Children he did not allow this to faze him, as deep down, he knew that there was more out there for him.

Maverick was a smart kid, too smart. In any of his elementary, Middle School, or High school. He aced them. He graduated High school when he was 16. The average age for a sophomore.....

He had to wait until he was 18 to go to college, and that's when almost every college in the United States "begged" for him to go to their school. He received piles of letters everyday. There was one that stood out though, the only college that offered Information Security and Forensics as a Major. He had received a full ride from this school too, so an even better bonus.

Thus Maverick's College career began.....

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((Maverick is John. it will all be explained :D))

Maverick yawned as he rolled out of his dorm bed on onto the floor. He hit the ground with a slight thump and got onto his legs and proceeded to his dresser. He noticed his room-mate cliff was still sleeping. In the dark Maverick managed to put on his blue-jean pants and a dark blue polo shirt. It was January, and New York's winters are never forgiving, so he made sure to put on his light jacket just in case

He grabbed his schoolbag, laptop and other necessary items to complete his day at college. He realized half-way to the elevator on his floor that he had forgotten his student ID badge. Maverick ran back to his room and picked up his ID. As he walked out of his dark dorm room and into the elevator lobby. Maverick looked at his ID and read his name in his head "John Maverick McCloud"

Kids always laughed at his middle name, and even at his last name. In Elementary and Middle school he always felt like the odd one out with the name "Maverick." When Maverick had to Move to a new High School in a completely different sate, He talked to his new foster parents, and get Maverick to be his middle name, and John became his first name for High School.

Thus during his High School years and even the beginning of College people called him John, and he kept the Maverick thing on the down low.

((so now he is referred to as John........ I hope ya'll can follow along :lol:))

As stepped out of the warm residential hall and into the bitter winter climate, he found that it really did not bother him. Most kids would look at him funny for wearing shorts in 30 degree weather and wearing a light jacket in the middle of a blizzard. John never really understood why the weather ever bothered him.

He headed off to his first class at 8:00. John only had 3 classes during the week, and he always had them early in the morning, so he could sleep during the day and stay up at night. John was accustomed to pulling all-nighters, and going on hardly any sleep. This was a weird talent that he had always had.

After class he was on his way back from the food court when he noticed some of his friends run into his dorm building when they saw him. He thought to himself 'weird'

John proceeded to his dorm room, and as he went into his room he found a note that said Hey John when you get a chance come to the Lounge room ASAP its very important! John really not thinking of anything proceeded into the dark lounge and he was suspicious. As he walked in the lights turned on and he saw all of his friends and they screamed "SURPRISE!!!"

He smiled and chuckled "You guys!!!!" His friends all came up to him "Congrats dude!", "Happy 21st Birthday", "Happy B-day" His party went on for hours. After all the ruckus he managed to get back to his dorm and check his email. John check through his regular mail and he noticed that he had one that said "Package Arrival notification" John had never received a package at college before and he was very wary to even go for it. 'What could it be' He thought to himself. John finally went down to the Campus Post Office and received his package. On his way to the elevator he examined the box, it looked old, and the box had many different stickers . He looked at the date, and it was sent 7 years ago. He looked at the name that the package was to be sent to, and it contained his old name Maverick McCloud. It had been years since he went by that name, and stuff just did not seem right.

John went to his room with this mysterious box, and when he opened it he found 2 items: One was a set of clothes, it contained A flight suit complete with patches, boots, A vest, some armor, a holster, and a belt, the other part was a wrist device. It looked like something out of a SciFi movie, it really intrigued him. He decided to try on the clothing, and he went to the bathroom and tried on all the clothes, it was actually a perfect fit, and noticed an Insignia, it looked like a dog with wings, but when he read his flight suit patches he noticed that it was it was for a "Team Starfox" 'Weird name' He thought....

"This would make a very nice Halloween costume, except that it is not until next year" he said aloud to himself as he undressed from the uniform and stuck it back in the box along with the wrist device. He took the box and stored it in an area of his room where it would fit in. There it stayed until the time was right.

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Months had gone by, and John was in his senior year of College. He had been getting a degree towards Information Security and Forensics. Which pretty much meant he found security vulnerabilities and fixed them. This year, he knew he was going to graduate top of his class, and he already had begun to plan the rest of his life. He had always looked for that "special someone" but in his mind he knew somewhere she was out there.

John was walking down the quarter mile (walkway to class) on his way to the class. He was walking pass the Campus center where all the ads for events and other things were placed. One seemed to catch his eye: Campus Halloween Costume Contest. This Saturday at 9:00 in the Field House Activities Center. That Saturday was tomorrow.

After his last class for the week, he decided to head back to his dorm, and as John entered through the doors, he noticed cliff was working on some costume. "Hey whats up John?"

"Not Much, What are you working on?"

"Ehh my costume, by the way are you doing it this year?" Cliff responded

"Actually yeah, in-fact I have it" John responded

"Really?? let me see it"

John rummaged through his boxes and pulled out his "costume"

"that looks pretty cool" Cliff said

John took of his regular clothes

"Dude why are you getting naked?!" Cliff Exclaimed

"Grow up will you jeez" John replied

John put on the first part of his Flight suit and put the patches on.

"Wow...cool patches? Team Starfox? Sounds like some kind of awesome military team of some sort?"

Cliff watched as John added the Belt, vest, boots, gun holster and everything including the communicator

"Dude, that is sick" Cliff said

"Glad you like it" John chuckled

"Where did you get it? Cliff asked

"I dunno, it came in the mail" John replied

"Thats cool" cliff stated

Suddenly the communicator began to beep and it flashed red. Suddenly 3d text displayed"Distress Beacon Activated" and it began to flash.

Cliff was freaked out, and decided to leave.

"Hey dude I'll catch ya later, i got a party to go to later, and I'll be back tomorrow for the costume contest"

Cliff grabbed his costume, and left in quite a hurry.

Suddenly the beacon activated and the communicator began to scan John. It then began to speak

"Subject Anaylized: Maverick McCloud, Son of James McCloud, Brother of Fox McCloud, who is the leader of Team Starfox. Now transmitting location details to the Great Fox."

John was very confused, and very freaked out.

"How the hell does this know who I am?"

"How the hell do you turn this thing off" John began to press buttons, and finally it turned off. "That was weird.

John took off his "costume" and went to bed, not knowing what the day for him tomorrow would be like.


On the deck of the Great Fox in the Lylat System, Everyone was fast asleep except for Peppy and ROB. Suddenly ROB began to speak.

"Incoming distress signal. from the Star Fox Team"

"What that can't be" Peppy replied, "What is its location?"

"Earth, located in Planetary System 47B"

"There is no Starfox Team Membe----" He cut himself off... "Rob plant a course for the Orbital gate, and get General Pepper on the line,"

General Pepper soon appeared on the screen

"Starfox what do you need at these hours of the da---- Oh hello Peppy"

"Sir, we have ourselves a situation, Maverick has activated the beacon. He has received the package finally."

"Then why are you contacting me?" General Pepper responded

"Because we need orbital gate access" Peppy responded

"Alright, its all taken cared of, by the way, here are instructions on not to be detected by the humans. Follow them, also it has a list of our operatives on the planet, should you need anything"

"Thank you General Pepper" Peppy Responded

"Yep, Pepper out"

The video feed went silent

A few hours later, the crew was still asleep and the Great Fox began to approach the Orbital Gate.

"Rob implement the security measures that General Pepper Gave us."

"Affirmative" ROB responded.

"Also get the devices made, Fox has himself a long day ahead of him." Peppy said sadly

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Fox awoke to a greenish tint filling his wall with color. He rolled out of his bed, and walked over to the window in his room. He noticed that the Great Fox was about to head through the transfer gate.

“what the?” fox exclaimed.

Fox rolled out of his bed and over to the comm terminal in his room. He pressed some buttons and contacted Peppy on the bridge of the Great Fox.

“Yo, Peppy, what is going on?”

“I Should have told you along time ago Fox”

“What is it Peppy?”

“You might want to get up here’


“It is going to be a long night for you fox”

“Comon, just tell me!!”

“You have a brother “


“Just get up here will you”

Many thoughts were running through Fox’s mind. As Fox was making his way to the Deck, he came across Jade.

Jade was a blue vixen. She was Krystal’s long lost sister. One day when Fox and Krystal were on a mission on the planet Draconis somewhere outside of the Lylat System, Krystal was meeting with some locals ina village. Jade and Krystal had met, and somehow, through a psychic ability, they knew they were sisters, and spent months catching up. Inevitably she became an excellent asset to the team, she was an excellent hand to hand combat fighter, and very skilled at weaponry. Though flying she never was really good at, she made up for in her CQC abilities

“Hey fox is everything ok?” Jade asked Fox. Jade really knew what was going on, but she wanted to reassure her friend.

“I don’t know, I was just told by Peppy that I have a brother.” Fox said

“What?!” Jade exclaimed

“Yeah….” Fox replied

Jade and Fox headed onto the bridge, and Peppy was there waiting.

“I know you might be very confused Fox, and I really should have told you a long time ago, but I never got around to it.”

Fox really could not come to the emotions, or even comprehend what was going on. He was just too stressed

Several hours had gone by, and Peppy had gathered the courage to explain the whole situation to Fox. Who really could not believe the situation, but deep down inside, there was a part of him that wanted to believe, that NEEDED to believe.

“So all these years I had a brother, that was turned into a human by Andross.”

“Yes” Peppy replied

“My father wanted me to find my brother” Fox said


“Well, I guess I better get the crew briefed.” Fox stated

Fox had spent an hour or so telling Krystal, Slippy and Falco about his brother.

“So Fox Boy has a brother” Falco retorted

“Wow I can’t wait to meet him!!” Slippy exclaimed.

“Look, Krystal, Jade and I are going to head down to the surface of Earth, and we are going to find this guy, and bring him back.”

“How are we going to get him back?” Krystal Asked

“I don’t know, I guess we will cross that bridge when we get there.” Fox replied.

Peppy spent some time researching the area with the ships sensors and data. He managed to gain access to the planets information database, that was known as the internet.

"Hmm, according to today, for the terrans, its "Hall'O  Ween?, Apparently its a day where people dress up as different creatures, for fun. My guess is you guys can wear your flight suits, and use the cloaking device, and you all should fit right in!" Peppy said

"Interesting, didn't you say that Maverick had a flight suit" Fox asked

"Yes, I sent him one of the Team's outfits converted for his height, and other data. You should be able to find him easily, if he is wearing the suit, which is really a shot in the dark." Peppy replied.

The team had studied maps of the campus, and found a nice area to covertly sneak into the campus. Peppy also managed to contact one of Cornerian operatives on the planet and managed to get some student ID's for the team, and into the campus database so that they can easily show pose as a student.

"It really is amazing how this culture is very matched to the culture of Corneria, just behind in Technology, and political disputes." Krystal said

"I know" Jade replied " I am picking up so many different thoughts and emotions, and it is so interesting."

The team was soon ready to head down to the surface, and was just getting final briefing information from General Pepper, and from Peppy.

"Alright team, whatever you do do not disengage your  cloaking devices, and when you get close to Maverick, activate the beacon, and I will transfer you all back up to the Great Fox ASAP." Peppy stated

"You got it" Jade, Krystal and Fox replied

The team was then transferred down to the surface of Earth, and onto the college campus undetected.

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...

(sorry for such the long wait guys. I am updating the next chapter. Expect to see it soon.)

John woke up feeling a little groggy. He really did not have a great night’s sleep. Today was Halloween, and he was still debating to himself whether or not to wear the flight suit as his costume.

It took a while before he finally made the decision, and he was going to. For some reason he did not know why he was going to, but he knew he just had to.

After the day making final preparations to his flight suit and night began to fall. John readied his suit and he began to make his way to the field house and activity center where the Halloween costume contest was. He seemed to be a bit skeptical, mainly because a thought in his head kept telling him that it was a big mistake for him to be wearing the suit, and even the wrist device.


During the time that John was preparing, Cliff managed to get to a distant area where no one is on campus. He hits a few buttons on his wrist and a device appeared. Much like the one John had. Soon a hologram of General Pepper appeared.

“Mark, what is the situation.”  (Cliff is now Mark: D )

“Sir, he has activated the beacon, and is wearing his suit at the event tonight” Mark responded

“Good” the General responded. “Your years of hard work had finally come to an end” The general paused. “Make sure you make contact with Fox and the crew.”

Mark responded. “Will do”

“Good work Mark, Pepper out””

Soon Mark went back to his dorm and met up with John in the room.


“Yo John what’s up?” Mark would say.

“Oh hey Cliff!” John would say “How are you?”

“I am doing fine, by the way, when are you heading out to the party?” Mark would ask noticing that John had the suit on along with the device.

John responded. “I will actually be heading there in about 20 minutes or so.”

Mark looked at him and said, “I will go with you, I just have to get my costume on, in fact, I modeled it after yours, so we could at least look alike, but I changed the logoing on mine and the coloring”

Mark took out his suit, which seemed to be the CDF’s main uniform. But John had no idea on it, but little did he know who or what Mark was.

They headed on their way to the Field house to get to the Party. During this time, they felt a rush of wind coming from the woods near the Field house.

Looks like they are here Mark would say to himself

“That was really odd” John would say

“Eh just a gust of wind” Mark would respond, but he knew what was happening. He tapped his watch and sent out a location beacon to the Starfox Team.

During this moment Jade linked her mind with Mark’s and they communicated linked.

”Mark?, this is Jade” Jade would ask.

”This is Mark go ahead Jade”

”Is Maverick with you,” She would ask

”Yes he is, and he is wearing his Team suit, Peppy sent him” Mark responded

”Alrighty, Thanks for activating your beacon, it will help us find you. We are wearing our suits too, along with our inhibition devices.” Jade stated

”Roger, Mark out”

John and Mark made it into the Field house, and Mark kept a watchful eye on John. As they entered they were greeted by a bunch of students that seemed to love their outfits.

“Cliff, John We love your costumes!”, “They are so awesome!!” many would say.


Fox turned to the group “Alright guys, our mission is to find Mark and figure out what is going on.”

Suddenly Fox’s wrist device went off. It was Mark’s location beacon.

“Good it looks like Mark has got Maverick, and is with him now” He would say. Fox turned to Jade

At that moment Jade turned to Fox and said. “Already on it Fox, talking with Mark now”

“Good Good” Fox would say.

The crew began to make their way to the Field house following the beacon’s transmitted locations.


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  • 3 weeks later...

John and cliff were having a blast, but little did John know what was going to happen. John was near the back of the building with Mark.

Fox, Krystal and Jade were just making their way into the building, when they were swarmed by people who loved their "costumes"

Fox was given some winks by some girls, and he would just sheepishly wave back, and smile. This made Krystal jealous, who then moved a little closer to Fox. Jade seemed to plow ahead of the group.

"Krystal you and Fox stay back, I have a plan." Jade messaged her sister

'Ok, you got it' Krystal Responded, "Meet us at the evac point"

Jade continued on, until she saw mark and John she did not know how she knew that it was them, but she knew by the look on Mark's face.

Mark tapped John on the shoulders. "What Cliff" John responded. "Hottie coming your way" He stated "Im going to bail" Mark left, and he passed Jade, and this conversation ensued While John was just lost in Jade's beauty and eyes.

"Mark?" Jade would ask

"You found him, Im heading to the Evac point now" Mark replied

Jade knew how to get John out of her, she walked up to him and said "Hey I need your help with something"

"What is it?" John would ask

"Just come with me please!!" Jade stated

"Ok?" John responded questionably

Jade managed to Grab John's hand, and Jade felt this feeling that she had never felt before, it was a feeling of love, not material love, but as If she had known John her whole life. She was not sure if John felt the sameway, but this was odd of her. She never fell in love with guys this quickly. Maybe a crush, but this was different. She shook it off and brought him to the Evac point.

"Now what did you need?" John asked

"Nothing" Jade responded as she touched a device on her wrist, and John knew what it was, or he had seen it before. At this moment in time, they were transported into the medical bay, and Fox wanted to know why. He found his answer when John was found on the floor unconcious.

"What did you do" Fox exclaimed at Jade

"Nothing, he just fainted once he looked around" She replied.

John was in for a rude awakening when he wakes up. Meanwhile Peppy took this time to run a few tests, and with John out, it was easier to get blood samples, and DNA. Peppy ran most of the data through some systems, and was able to sequence the correct DNA that John should have. He was able to create a representation of John in his Anthro form. He looked mostly like fox, aside from a darker streak in his head, and darker fur.

Peppy synthesized the drug to change him back, but would not do anything with it, until John knew what the heck was going on. At this time, they brought him to his quarters, which was across the hall from Jade's. They locked the doors to his room, and they put him into his bed. He seemed to be having a sound sleep.

Mark had joined the crew, and headed back to the Dorms for the night, and was going to tell everyone on his floor that John is really sick, and went home for the week. He also emailed all of John's Professors, though John really was almost done with his studies anyway. He had maybe 2-3 classes this quarter, and they were easy classes for him.

A day had passed, and John was still out of it. Jade peeked into his mind, and saw that he was fine, just dreaming. He would be waking in a few hours. She decided to head to bed, and so did everyone else on the ship.

Tomorrow was going to be a surprising day for John

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It is 5 in the morning here, and I am bored

John was beginning to wake up, his head was hurting, and he grabbed his head ans said aloud "What the, where am I" He began to look around, and his surroundings were unusual. "What the, where am I?" He jumped out of bed and looked around. The room was amply sized, and included a bathroom and closed. It was like his dorm room, but larger, and way better. He went to the door, and found that there were no knobs. "How the hell" He began to beat on it.

Fox was on the bridge when a small alarm went off. "Looks like that he is up now" Fox hit a few buttons and gathered the others into a meeting room. "Alright everyone in human form until further notice" As he commanded Jade, Mark and himself made their way to his room.

Mark, Jade and Fox activated their devices that turned them into humans, and made their way into John's Room.

John was still banging, and he knew that for some reason his efforts were futile. He sat on the bed, and grabbed his head. He began to think back to his memories. Before he could finish the door opened and he jumped up "Where the Hell"

"Whoa whoa now John Calm down." It was Mark or someone that he knew as Cliff

"Cliff is that you?" John asked

"Yeah yeah, now sit down, you are in for a rude awakening."

Jade and Fox came into the room soon after

"Hey your that girl from last night" John stated

"Yeah" Jade said with a slight blush, How could someone like him make her feel so Awkward, this feeling, it was weird for her.

Jade and Fox sat down, and they ensued on a conversation that ensued for several hours. At the End John was freaking out.

"Whoa whoa, are you saying that I am not from Earth, that you are my Brother, and that you guys, and I am not Human?!" John exclaimed

"Yes" Fox replied

"How can you expect me to believe you?" John asked

"Well.....there is a way" Fox replied

"But" Jade exclaimed.

"Cliff?!" John would ask

"John, My real name is Mark, I was sent by the General Pepper to watch you." Cliff replied

"What do you mean?" John asked back

"Watch...." Mark tapped a few button, and he was turned into a Cornerian Fox

John jumped back in fear. "What the Fvck?!?!"

"Do you see now John, or Maverick?" He would reply

Fox and Jade would deactivate theirs and move closer. "Get away from me!!" John exclaimed

"Maverick, look." Jade put her arm on Fox and Maverick. Her eyes began to roll back into her head, so did Fox and Maverick's

They began to experience visions, and share memories. A few minutes had passed and Mark watched in horror. "what the heck is going on?"

It was soon over, and everyone relaxed. They all looked at each other in silence, but mostly Fox and John looked at each other in a stare.

"All this time......" Maverick would say

Fox would smile and say "All these years, my brother"

Fox and John would lock each other in a hug. And they both began to cry "My brother....All these years," They would both say.

They spent the next time during the day sharing memories, and John felt more comfortable with them in their normal forms. He would wear a team uniform much Like foxes, but with Darker colors, but looks almost similar.

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LOL BRO you shouldn't write at 5:00am in the freaking morning man. Anyway good fan fiction, some things can be improved.

When a character is talking be sure to space out the quotes from the begining of the letter like.  " Hey Fox hows it going? " 

You do it like this. "Hey Fox how is it going?" Also there are some parts where you forget to capitalize the  first letter of a character's name.

Anyway good fan fiction good to know your still writing even though not many people can actually take their time to read it and comment about it. Your really dedicated to this fan fiction it seems and thats something a good writter always needs even without getting motivation from other people  besides a guest and myself.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Sorry for the late reply :lol: Thanks for your awesome critique it helps :D

But yeah, this story is more a back story for my RP characters, and my second fan-fic ties in with it also, in a small way.

I hope to have another chapter out soon, depends on when I think of an awesome chapter :D

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Strange, I haven't seen Xort around here yet.

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Strange, I haven't seen Xort around here yet.

Heh, this topic wasn't quite active when I first started to frequent this board. I've got a lot to read through, so it'll take a bit of time here, but I'll let y'all know what I think eventually. I've skimmed over it, and it doesn't look bad at a glance.

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I can already say, my grammar sucks, there will be many spelling errors. If you have some tips for me to help improve please PM me about it :D thanks

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Strange, I haven't seen Xort around here yet.

Just so ya know, he doesn't hit all the topics up. Lol. He hasn't touched half of the active ones, or even mine for that matter, Lol.

Either way, I myself will get onto reading this. I will edit a response in soon.

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I am, im working on the next chapter, but I wanna make sure everything is just right :D

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  • 3 weeks later...

I am, im working on the next chapter, but I wanna make sure everything is just right :D

Just take your time bro no ones rushing you lol. Whatever pace you go at to make your story right is fine by me.

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True there are mistakes that need correcting like..... ", Fox would say it should say ", said Fox

and if you want add detail after it like ", Fox said nervously. other than small details I think your doing great.

keep up the good work. :)

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true there are mistakes that need correcting like..... ", Fox would say it should say ", said Fox

and if you want add detail after it like ", Fox said nervously. other than small details I think your doing great.

keep up the good work. :)

Good luck buddy I've been trying to get him to let that up for months.  AS for you, you just posted twice without someone else saying anything. ie: a double post. Try to avoid doing that.
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