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Ballistic waffles' plethopra of writtan works. Mostly one chapters


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I have had this floating around my desktop for a few years now. its a naruto/Alien predator cross over.


Rated M for blood

Normal text

Normal speech

Barca Speech

Xeno speech, Aliens who are speaking will be said before the quote

Matris Xenomorphic

(AN) Not proficient in Japanese culture or money so I will be using the English equivalent, with the occasional Japanese word. That being said pardon me for my atrocious story that was posted before my writing skills could develop. I have take time to rewrite it. Not sure how it is, so if you want more, I will work on it. Otherwise have fun, flames appreciated.

A cool breeze drifted over the shore of an island several miles off the main land. It was the epitome of peace and tranquility. Trees swayed to a gentle breeze, a family of bird rested in total and serene slumber. The world was at peace.  The picturesque scene was broken by a ball of fire screaming from the heavens. It collided with the island sending up a cloud of debris and dirt. The entire island was flattened, a huge crater in the middle. The burning object crashed through several layers of tunneling and settled on the ground with a huge metallic groan. It lay undisturbed while the last of its fires burned themselves out. It was not until morning that any life came from the crater.

A Dark figure arose from inside the broken twisted slab of metal. It remained standing in one place for quite a while. As the morning sun shined upon the wreckage, the figure turned and sped off in to the metal slab. Soon after doing this 4 men appeared at the top of the crater. They moved downwards towards the molten wreck, stopping only to examine bones or the occasional odd object. They entered the strange mass of metal and lost themselves in the maze of tunnels.

They turn a corner and stop. They realize that they are missing one. The turn and find the party member standing in the middle of the hallway. One of the men called to him.

"Haro, what’s wrong, are you scared?"

The man slides forward, his bottom half motionless, while his top flew into a corridor. The rest of the team looked on in horror as a fountain of blood emerged from the corridor. As they were distracted, an air vent above them burst open, a pair of dark hands gripping one of the men by the throat. He was pulled into the vent half way and he suddenly stopped struggling. When they tugged on his leg, all that came down was a decapitated corpse. The remaining two men took off into the darkness, hoping to find the exit before whatever was stalking them ended their lives. They ran through the dark hallways, dodging small fires and electrical outputs. They reached the end of the tunnel and burst into the warm sunlight. They were on the top of a cliff; in sight was the main land. One of the men turned to the other and froze. The dark figure had busted into the light, illuminating every part of the shadow that it was.

A hair of blond unkempt hair covered its face, partially stained red from the blood of their comrades. Rags covered what modesty it chose to contain. A long spear-like tail wove around its body, seemingly of its own will. Dark skin coupled with claws completed the demon that stood before both of them. The head slowly tipped up towards where they had sprinted. Dark pupil less eye sockets greeted them and a maw of sharp teeth. It stood as an anthromorph, about 5’ 8'', the only connection to the species in front of him

It stood a minute before grinning and releasing a snarl that curled the hairs on their necks. One of the men charged the creature, his mind filled with revenge. The creature stared with genuine interest at the sword he pulled out of a scabbard. The man sliced the sword down towards the creature’s chest. The creature grabbed the man’s arm and forced it to stab into the ground. It then mauled the man’s back open, along with parts of his spine.

It bent over the half flayed man and picked up the sword. It looked at the blade curiously and, unceremoniously chucked it behind him. Its gaze turned to the last man alive. He was shaking in fear, terror rolled off him in waves. He began stammering out excuses and backed up against wall, next to him the cliffs separating him from the water. The creature gave a hiss and proceeded to grab them man and break his back on a metal pole sticking out of the ground

The creature gave a yawn and scratched its head. It looked almost bored with the proceedings. In a clear voice the creature spoke.

You can come out Haze

A black hulking monstrosity arose from the darkness, shaking exhaustion and dirt off. It trotted forward, passing the creature. It gazed out towards the sea. Although no word were spoken, it was obvious there was a conversation taking place.

"Where is everyone?" a light voice resonated throughout the creatures mind

That, I do not know...It is just you and me.

Damn it

We must get moving my queen, more humans will be here soon, and you know how they react to anything unordinary.

I know... wait, Barca, can you feel that?

What do you mean?

Close your eyes and look around

Barca closed his eyes, his electromagnetic sense picking up just more than the inside of his eyelids

Slowly strands of color emerged from the once vibrant landscape. Reds wafted with blue, Green meandered with yellow. It wasn't just color, Barca could see the strands of color touch him, caress his body fleetingly before whisking away to god know where. Barca displayed a rare sense of astonishment

W-What is it?

I have no idea

Barca tried to touch the energy, but it simply avoided his touch, returning to its proper place as though he had done nothing to disturb it.

What does this mean?

It means that this planet will be our stepping stone to which we take revenge

How will we do that, ask them nicely?

A quote you once read to me, Barca, "diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggie" until your snipers get in range".

Ah, yes, but still it involves diplomacy, not my strong point

And that is why you are my praetorian of war

Barca ran off into the distance. Haze lazily trudged after her retreating Praetorian.

Shore 2.5 miles from island

A woman ran across the shore, in a breakneck pace, behind her 7 rather hammered men stumbled, shouting lewd comments and gestures. It could not be more obvious their intentions were, even more so to Barca, floating lazily near the edge of the forest gazing at the proceedings.

She tripped on a branch that had washed ashore from the explosion, sending her careening to the ground. The men set upon her like a pack of angry wolves, tearing at her cloths, molesting every part of her uncovered skin.

A cry of pain made them all gazed at a man who had fallen behind in the chase. A hand shot out of the water and had grabbed his ankle tripping him and sending him careening into the water. His comrades abandoned the girl and went over to the rippling waves. A rising cloud of red obstructed them from seeing the exact details, but they were assured it was gruesome when a leg floated to the surface.

A blur shot out of the water and landed about 3 yards away from them. It hoisted the near raped female on its shoulders and broke for the cover of the forest. The men attempted to give chase but there happened to be the fact that they couldn't as much see straight as well as run.


Barca set the crying women down on a stump. She curled into a fetal position and rocked back and forth. She looked up at her savior but his back was turned to her, the only visible phenomenon a long dark tail, swishing back and forth in the air. She called out to him but he didn't seem to hear her. He simply told her to stay, and then disappeared into the forest.


The men had sobered up just enough to see an angry black blob emerge from the forest. It gave a war cry and bounded towards the nearest man.

Barca jumped onto the man’s shoulders and put his tail through his spine.  Using his momentum he retracted his tail and pushed off, projecting himself towards the next man. The said man threw a knife at the approaching blob and he was rewarded with a scratching noise and was horrified to find that the knife bounced off of his skin

The men went ballistic when Barca landed on a man’s waist and tore him asunder. A hand rose from the waves, silently and inconspicuously. It grabbed a man’s leg and lugged him to the water's edge. Along dark tail swiftly decapitated the man and flung his body at the remaining 3. They were bowled over like a set of pins. Barca gave a snarl and brought his fist through a man’s head to grab the others. He squeezed and swiftly dispatched the grappled and now discombobulated man. The third one was shaking so hard, he could barely move. He attempted to stand but slipped on a hand, bowling into another dark creature. He screamed, but was silenced when Barca's fist impacted his temple, crushing his skull, and spraying blood all over Barca and the new figure.

Barca swept all the remaining body parts into the sea, which was turning an unhealthy shade of red. The new coming Xeno Sat next to him when they were finished cleaning the area. It turned its head and here is what was said

Grid, nice off you to join us

Nice to see you to Barca, how did you survive?

Hid in a ventilation shaft and killed the first few people that found the wreckage, apparently, the island we crashed on had a system of tunnels that crossed the area. How did you?

I used an escape pod, landing in the ocean and stumbling upon you killing, again.

You could have stuck with us

Yes but you separated from the rest of us

Hey at least I did something

Before either of them could continue, Haze made an interjection

Both of you quit your rambling; we need to find shelter for the time being... I need to think.

Both of her subjects nodded and stood up. They started towards the water, intent on traveling back to the island which they had started.

The girl Barca had rescued finally had gathered the courage to seek out her savior. She froze at the sight of the two large Aliens but was placated when she saw them being amicable to each other. Taking a huge risk she stepped out from behind cover and called out to Barca.

H-h-h-h-hey y-y-y-you

Barca turned his head, his eyes hidden from view by his unkempt, blood stained hair

I may have saved you, but that does not means you can ask more favors of me.

His voice was rough, scratchy, as if he had not used it in a long time, his words accentuated with unnecessary s's.

The girl gulped then replied

I-I-I-I didn't mean to i-i-i-nsult, but if you w-w-will follow me, I can pro-o-o-ovide food and sh-sh-shelter.

Haze motioned for the two to stop

This is our lucky day, Accept it, we can use this opportunity

that means?

She is offering us shelter willingly, that means she does not fear us. That will make things easier if the natives think us to be good rather than diabolical

Barca turned to the standing female and said

What is your name?

M-m-m-m-my name is T-t-Tsunami and I live abo...

Barca cut her off, his posture radiating impatience.

Very well, I will accept your invitation, but, only if both of my...

He turned to both Haze and Grid

What shall we call ourselves, we can’t go by violent, parasitic, killing machines can we?

Grid started to hop up and down

Oh, oh, oh! We can call ourselves The Fruit flies!

She started to chant but both Haze and Barca shot her down.

NO, just... no. we need something that will strike fear into the hearts of our future enemies Barca, any ideas, anything from human History?

Barca scratched his head, his mind deep in thought.

Well there was a mythical creature an ancient civilization created over 6000 years ago.

It had the Body and head of a lion, a tail of a snake and it co...

We just needed the name, Barca

My apologies, it was called the Chimera.

Haze repeated the name in the hive mind a couple times. She thumped the ground with her tail twice and said

Fine then, for until something else sounds better, we are the chimera.

Barca turned to the patiently waiting Tsunami and said

Only ifs my Chimera friends cans come with us

Barca saw her gaze at Haze before she nodded. "Humans" he thought "so apprehensive about things that don’t look good"

Chapter 2 electric boogaloo

120 minutes later...

They followed her to a small hovel nestled in between the edge of a forest, trees growing in shapes no one could ever hope to name, and the water’s edge, a delicious looking deep blue.

Barca gazed upon this spectacle with barely contained excitement.


I know... this could not be a Federation settlement, it is too clean

Grid, what do you make of this.

So... pretty... must... touch

We can assume she likes it.

We will have to avoid too much destruction, places like this need to be preserved.

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What for, may I ask?

We may be parasitic killing machines, as you so eloquently put it, but we still can admire nature, can we not?

I suppose so but what if it is a key tactical strong hold?

If everything goes according to plan, there will be no tactical strong points.

They entered the small house and quickly discovered that, while the outside was in an advanced state of degradation, the inside looked cleaner than most houses bigger than it. Barca looked surprised and said to Tsunami, his voice laced with awe.

This is a nice house

It seemed common courtesy to complement the host when invited, not like Barca had any clue what courtesy was.

Tsunami blushed, the compliment seemed out of place from the dangerous alien warrior she had a few minutes ago.

She bustled about to make her alien guests comfortable, drawing up cups of tea and sitting them in decrepit chairs. She joined them a few minutes later, dressing herself in new close, disposing of the ones she had on.

Why did you offer us asylum?

Tsunami looked stunned that someone would ask a question like that.

"You saved my life; it was the least I could offer."

You invited me in, even though I am a monster and my physical appearance, as most would run in fear from someone who had no eyes.

"Indeed he does not" Tsunami thought as she attempted to look in his eyes, empty sockets greeting her instead.

Both Barca and a strangely silent Grid expected her to run away screaming. Instead she simply took a sip of her sake.

You are... not from here are you?

Tsunami said after a moment of deliberation

That about sums it up.

She told him about Gatoe, his genocidal actions, and his actions causing the degradation of the economy. She told him about her father’s bridge, and the hiring of a team of ninjas, and after a lengthy explanation of ninja’s abilities, to protect the bridge.

Barca silently slurped his tea, a small proboscis in place of his tongue sucking in the liquids. His bind thrived with actions and reactions to the woman’s story.

"She got problems" grid put it bluntly as Haze thought out their plan of action.

Barca, ask her about this man, Gatoe, winning the favor of the locals, doesn't need to be as non-violent as you thought.

An assassination?

In a broad nutshell, yes

I love the way you think

Barca turned to Tsunami calmly, as though his next inquiry was of the normal sort.

What is the standing reward for the assassination of this character you called, Gatoe? And where can I find him?

Tsunami spit her sake out, sputtering at the almost forbidden question


You said you need to build a bridge, but wouldn’t it make sense to take care of the problem at the source? Rather than trying to divert a river, wouldn’t it make sense to dam the tributaries?

I suppose…

Than please answer my question, what is the standing order for his death, and where can I find him?

Tsunami sighed than said, almost reluctantly,

His death rates a four million five hundred thousand reward he resides in a guarded safe castle on one of the islands nearby

Barca sensed the hesitation in her voice. He did not understand why she would be hesitant in removing a dictator from power; his hesitation is crushed when Tsunami said

He is the sixth dictator we have had in the region. Every one of them has been removed by the next dictator who wanted power. It has been this way since for as long as I can remember. Killing him won’t solve the problem. It will extend it.

In the forest, Haze contemplated this fact. She had planned on the assassination to work, but the region wasn't supposed to have experience with this kind of subject, still…

Ask her if we could help with the bridge, we might be able to earn their respect.

Barca, nodding to grid, sat his tea on the table and said

How much are you paying the ninjas?

About 200 dollars, we couldn’t afford much, but we are hoping to guilt them into staying and helping us.

What if I told you, that I and my Chimerian friends would do it for less?

Tsunami looked surprised for a moment, but then said, with her face placating

I would say you are lying and hoping to rile me.

I kid you not, we are willing to work defending you, and help build the bridge, for simple rations and a roof over our head.

Tsunami stuttered then nodded her head, a small smile just barely gracing her lips. She stood up and beckoned her guests to stand.

If you will follow me, I will show you to your room.

She showed them to a door, opening it and motioned for her guests to follow her. It was a small room, just high enough that Barca was able to fit in without hitting his head. A single mat had been placed on the floor and a window let in a small breeze along with light from the setting sun.

You can use this room. My apologies for its lack of aesthetics, but we can’t afford much… My apologies but what is your name?

Jam… I mean Barca, call me Barca.

He thanked her for her hospitality and asked if he could have some privacy. Tsunami agreed and stepped out of the room, shutting the door as she did.

A small boy of about 8 wandered from his room and said

Who were they momma?

She almost didn’t answer but then Tsunami said in a whisper, more to herself.

I don’t know, but I have terrible feelings for what will happen. I hope I made the right choice.

Inari shuddered and then went back into his room, intent on staying as far away from the two strange creatures as he could.

Grid almost immediately began to talk.

She seemed sad; do you think that Gatoe man did something to her?

Almost obviously Grid, she was a victim of an attempted rape, and looks like it was an everyday occurrence, judging by her lack of a reaction.

I saw a picture of her and a man and an infant. Do you think…?

The boy is alive, his electromagnetic field, that was right next to us in a different room, gave him away. However, I do not see any trace of the man.

Isn’t it obvious you ninnies?

Haze proclaiming their stupidity made them realize the situation. Almost instantaneously they came to the same conclusion.

Gatoe murdered him…

She wants to get rid of him in a way that won’t get anybody killed.

A noble cause, without any merit to it unfortunately. We will have to wait until the bridge is completed to take him out. As inane as it sounds, I guess we are the good guys for a change.

I don’t feel any different

Grid chimed in, putting a grin on Barca’s face. He chuckled then laid down, his tail wrapping around him.

I’m going to bed, I haven’t slept since Tuesday

What day is it today?

Friday, now I’m going to sleep, wake me up if anything IMPORTANT happens

He directed the last part to Grid, who mentally grinned than sat down, waiting for the dawn and the Human/Alien Hybrid to wake up. Haze dug a great hole in the ground in a grove of trees, settling down for the night, reburying herself and too falling asleep, the world in total silence where she was.


The first light of the next day brought a commotion to Grid’s attention. Five unidentified people had entered the house. One of them was an old man, 3 were children, and one was an unconscious man.  Grid had paid no attention to the guests, until Tsunami brought the man into the room they both were habiting. The screams had not woken Barca, and the vicious attacks of a child with black hair had not either. It was until Grid had been hurt, a shrill cry as Sasuke scored a hit with a kunai on her chest, embedding itself, but not causing her to bleed. That was when Barca awoke, the screaming of his kin an all too familiar sound. With a terrible screech, he bounded from his place on the floor and slammed Sasuke with his entire body.

Almost immediately there arose a clatter of footsteps and 4 more people emerged from the hallway. Tsunami came in first, along with an old man, a sake bottle still in his hand. Behind him came two teenagers, no more than 2 years Barca’s junior, One with Bright Blond hair, and the other with bright pink hair.

“Sasuke” they both screamed, not moving to help their comrade. Barca winced at the sonic blast the two managed to create, allowing Sasuke to tear from his body and join the 4 in the opposite side of the doorway.

Tsunami moved in between the two groups, obviously angry at the crack that Barca’s impact, and shouted at the trio. Barca interrupted her explanation of the situation and snarled at Sasuke, who was inching towards a kunai in his pocket.

Why did you attack my kin?

The trio looked surprised at the words of the beast in front of them. Sakura stepped ahead of the other two, who looked as though they would attack Barca if he made the wrong move.

My apologies for my teammates behind me, we have just finished a battle against a highly trained enemy and we are all stressed, our sensei is in the other room unconscious after the battle, and you startled us.

What surprised Barca the most during that conversation was not the fact that she talked to him as an equal, but that she gave no disgusting glances at either Barca or Grid.

She is very polite and treats us with respect, a very rare trait among humans. However looking at her body, which doesn’t look strong considering her profession, id say it is an act of sabotage for the group to have her.

What do you mean Sabotage?

I mean that someone purposely…

Um pardon me?

Both Haze and Barca were interrupted by Sakura, who was in front of him. The others had left, to where? Barca had no clue. When he communicated with haze, he tended to nod off. A dangerous habit, but still, he was, unfortunately, still human.

What is it that you require?

Sakura stumbled with her words, almost to the point of making Barca impatient, almost, but then she gathered her words and said no lack of fear in her voice.

My t-t-teammates left me to t-take care of my Sensei, but I cant lift him to get into this room, do you think you can help me?

Barca made no mention that he heard her, but got stood up and allowed himself to walk into the main room and hoist the 225 pound man onto his shoulders. With a grunt and a few steps, Barca had Kakashi into the bed he formerly occupied. He turned to Sakura and said

Is that all you require?

Sakura thanked him and left the room, her shuddering ceasing well after she left.

A fearful one isn’t she? after she was so amicable too

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