starfoxchick308

Project X

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starfoxchick308

Prologue

May 22, 14 ALW (After Lylat War)

I am still on the run. After four years I thought these bastards would give in by now, but as long as im alive and have what they want i guess they'll hunt me down. I bet you're wondering "who they are" and "what they want".Well you're in luck because i'll tell you. My name is Amber Vixen Marina, i am a 14 year old female who has been sold to scientists for "Medical Purposes". I have been living in dog cages for most of my life and have had many horrible things done to me (no sick jokes guys). I have been cut open, injected with drugs, gased,you name it! When i was 3years old, i lived with my mother who's name was Alice Marina and my drug addict father Otto Marina. Otto soon became very abusive and killed my mother in cold blooded murder. He seen a flyer that had said "sell kids for science" and called the number. He was given $10,000 for his "donation" and i havent seen him sence (he HOPES to god he doesnt see me). I then started growing multiple abilities such as Telepathy and i am able to see aura, but the best one is my wings. Yep i have a 10 foot wing span all on one special teenage girl! but anyways Shun (childhood friend) and I heard the M.M.A (Minor Mutation Assosiation) talking about Project X which is a Technical device that can produce high pitched sounds which causes the victems brain to shut down or explode, either way it kills them. They made it in the form of a gemstone and made it look un-suspicious and put it into a pendant for the bearer to wear. They were planning to project it loud enough to kill a whole country in 30 minuets. The cornerian army soon got involved and sent troops to destroy it, but they were all killed by project X. When I was 10 I ecaped with Shun and we grabbed project X on our way out and he told me to gaurd it with my life. We had kissed and said our goodbyes and parted ways for better chance of survival. It has been four years since then and i havent seen him yet.I have seen many mutations of robots, animals, and even people, but they have all died in the process of trying to catch me because of my enhanced strength. But anyway I am currently in the Amazon rainforest in hiding where i will be safe for a couple days, at least i hope so.

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that raccoon

nice job. are you writing more?

still its good. i like it

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starfoxchick308

thanks! yeah im workin right now as we speak!

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starfoxchick308

Ch.1

Date: May 29th, 14 ALW Location: Amazon Rainforest

"Come back here!" said Scar. "right, like i'm gunna turn around and hand THIS over to YOU"! " fine then...AFTER HER"! " Ok this just makes things more interesting"! I ran as quick as I could through the thick trees until I hit a dead end. "awwww shit!" i said "hahahahaha well now. why don't you just hand over that pretty little trinket on you're neck and I'll make you're death quick and painless" he said with a smirk. "oh and what makes you think i didnt prepare for this"! i pulled out my wings and jumped off the ground to get a head start. "ok then. Mark, why dont you give her our specially made gift" said scar. "YES SIR"! he pulled out his tranquelizer gun and loaded it. he fired it at me but most of them missed. he had one left and hit me directly in the fourarm. "awwww.......crap" i was getting tired fast and i refused to be captured so i quickly spotted a beach and flew at high speed. I soon fell on the sand and fell unconcious for hours. "I'm glad peppy let us have the day off!" said Slippy. "Yeah it been quite some time since ive been here" said Fox. "how ya doin' over there dad" asked Jr. Jr., who's full name is Falco Lombardi Jr., is Falco and Katt's 16 year old son. he has a twin sister named Falca who is also 16. "Dad..."? Falco was asleep in a lawn chair. "UGH typical dad" said Falca. "MARCUS?!" Yelled Krystal. "MOM! DAD! come check this out"! Fox and Krystal walked to where marcus was and saw my unconcious body. "oh my god is she dead?!" asked Krystal. (feeling my pulse)"No just unconcious. Hey whats this?" asked Fox as he took out the tranquelizer dart. "Hmmmmmmmmm it says "Property of M.M.A......Hey those were the guys who massacared a whole cornerian army with a device called Project X"! "you're right Fox! but why is she all the way out here?" asked Krystal. "I dont know but lets take her back to the great fox and find out." said Fox. "ok". "Hey slippy, wake up Falco and tell him lets go". "awwwww why me"?! " because you're right next to him." said Fox. "ok fine! hey Falco its time to go"! "what? the reason better be good." said Falco. " the reason is we found a lead on the MMA and project X" said Fox. "ok so whats with the kid then"? "we'll tell you later". "fine then but it better be pretty damn good to wake me up on my vacation". A couple hours later we were on the great fox. I was in a medical bed while the rest of the team was reviewing the issue about the MMA. I woke up to see bright lights above me and I wondered if I was dead, but soon to see a young blue Fox before me. "oh good, you're awake" he said. "wh-where am I"? "you're on the Great Fox! you were unconcious on the beach so we took you aboard." he said. "Wait! so i'm not dead"? "nope. you're alive as ever"! "oh i see you're finally coming through. My name is peppy and that is marcus." said peppy. "hi. so how long have I been out for?" I asked. "3 days." said peppy. "3 DAYS! you got to be kidding me"! "nope. anyway we need to ask you some questions" "ok shoot!" i said. "Fox our guest is awake!" yelled peppy, and there before me was the famous Fox McCloud along with Falco, Krystal, slippy, Falco Jr., and Falca. "ok so whats this about?" i asked. "do you know anything about project X" asked Fox.

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starfoxchick308

thank you! im not a very experienced writer so its not THAT good.

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Snipe Lombradi

Wow this is amazing I'm really looking forward to this!If it doesn't come quick I'm gonna lose it. :panic:

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Fira-Astrali

k let me say this right now. Your story will be much, much easier for people to read if you break it up into paragraphs instead of posting it in one big chunk

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starfoxchick308

ok heres chapter 2.

ch.2

Date:June 1st, 14 BLW Location: great fox

"of course I do, i was raised there in a dog cage for god's sake"! "well we are wondering about Project X and-" said fox but to be inturupted by me. "oh i have project X with me". "YOU DO?!" said all. "well waddya' think i would do, leave it and watch millions of people DIE?" i said. "can we see it?" asked Fox. "sure"! i handed it over to Fox and he gave it to ROB for analasys. Falco asked me what i ment about "living in dog cages for most my life" and i told them the story. "wow, nice parents you got there." said falco. "i know right!" i said in a sarcastic tone. "awwwww thats so sad!" said Krystal. "yeah and you think just losing your father is bad....well try watching you're mother die because your father is an ass and being sold to COMPLETE strangers and being starved and beaten and experimented on and have over 20 SCARS ALL OVER YOUR BODY"! they all just stared at me. "sorry. it just riles me up when i talk about it". " i can see that" Falco said. " hey guys come here!" yelled fox. we hurried to the main room and looked at a holographic image of project X. "if you can see this isn't just regular technology, it also contains aparoid technology too". "no way!" said slippy. "so what happens if we break it?" asked Falco. "it will unleash a projection of high pitched sound waves which will destroy all people on this planet and will then spread to other planets causing life on those planets to collaps which will end life in the Lylat system as we know it" i said. "oooookkkkk then, that's not an option i guess" said Falco. "there is another option......" i said "and that is........?" said Fox "find a powerfull enough lazer that can neutralize the soundwave and the device itself". "but where can we find that kind of technology?" asked slippy. "aren't YOU supposed to know that? or mabey you're dad?" i said. "oh mabey my dad can help"! "ok then, its settled. we'll see slippy's dad tomarrow" said Fox.

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starfoxchick308

k let me say this right now. Your story will be much, much easier for people to read if you break it up into paragraphs instead of posting it in one big chunk

thanks for the tip!

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starfoxchick308

Wow this is amazing I'm really looking forward to this!If it doesn't come quick I'm gonna lose it. :panic:

ok! ill work on it some more tomarrow! but for now heres ch.2

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chaos_Leader

It's... okay.

For only 13 years old, it's not as bad as it could be. Obviously there's all kinds of issues I could rip on you about, but I'm not going to, even if you demand it. This is all fun and good for now, but I'm not going to start giving you a serious assessment until you start taking the storytelling process seriously. You've got a long way to go, don't stress, have fun while you can. When you're ready to step it up, someone will be around to give you the critiques and tips you'll need.

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Snipe Lombradi

It's still getting better and better and awesomer.

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Starwing_93

I think you're getting a bit confused, 14BLW would be 14 years before Star Fox 64, and Fox etc would only be 4 years old, so I take it you intend this to be after Command?

What's there so far is great, but I'd just change those dates to avoid confusion :)

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starfoxchick308

I think you're getting a bit confused, 14BLW would be 14 years before Star Fox 64, and Fox etc would only be 4 years old, so I take it you intend this to be after Command?

What's there so far is great, but I'd just change those dates to avoid confusion :)

wow.....0_o ok then......ill change the dates.

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starfoxchick308

i have a song for u guys: (in harmony)IIIIIIIII SUCK AT WRITING!

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Milkyway64

i have a song for u guys: (in harmony)IIIIIIIII SUCK AT WRITING!

No you don't, not innately. You do have a ways to go, but anyone can be good as long as they put themselves into their work. The rest is just very basic and very easy English.

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that raccoon

keep going its very good :D

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starfoxchick308

No you don't, not innately. You do have a ways to go, but anyone can be good as long as they put themselves into their work. The rest is just very basic and very easy English.

thanks! just to let you know i think i have a C avereage in english. i think it might be a D but im not sure.....

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starfoxchick308

keep going its very good :D

thanks racoon! i have been playin' twilight princess for wii and im on where you first start lookin' for the mirror shards. so mabey that'll give me more ideas for ch. 4 i think. but if im gunna be a game desighner and/or animationist im gunna have to have a good story plot, so i'll have to work on my writing. (im mostly interested in 3D animations, don't worry im not a geek im just really smart for my age in computer tech and computer smarts my math is ok, i have a C. i learned my ABC's when i was 2 or 3 and i was ALWAYS in the naughty corner because i was bored because i knew that stuff already. the teacher called me stupid in another way, by that i mean telling my mom that she doesn't believe i could read and do all that other stuff before pre-school because i didnt pay attention in pre-school. My spelling is excellent, my math is ok, and my science was really good until 7th and 8th grade. i A'ced computer class and was one of Mr.Smith's best students with an A+ or an A (in 7th grade).)

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starfoxchick308

Ch. 3

date: june 18th 14 ALW location: Great Fox

it was 8:30 am. Im usually up earlier but i decided to sleep in because i wasnt on the run. so i decided to get up and start my day. Krystal and I went to the store yesterday to pick up somethings like hair brushes, new cloths (because i have worn the same thing for over 4 years now and it hasnt been washed), tooth brush, tooth past, ect. I had taken my first shower in months! i was so happy to finally be clean and have time to act like a girl, not like a felen. i opened my wings a little bit to wash them off and caught a glimps of something in the corner of my eye.

"huh"? i turned around to see just a fogged up mirror above the sink. "i must still be half asleep". after a couple more minuets of getting myself clean i grabbed the towel I layed on the toilet seat and dryed myself off. after that was done i had put on the new outfit I picked out for me today, it consisted of a camo-green shirt that said "Love and war" and camo-khackie pants. i had picked up my ney hair brush that i had just gotten and straightened out the knotts and tangles in my hair. I had one more section of my hair left when all of a sudden the brush got stuck.

"awwww you have to be kidding me"! I yanked and tugged on my brush until this huge clump of hair came out in knott form. "this is what i get for not stealing that hair brush from the facility". i chuckled a little and took out mt tooth brush and paste from the medicine cabinet. i turned on the faucet and soaked my tooth brush, then put on the paste. as I was brushing my teeth i un-fogged the mirror and saw a familiar image.....it was my mother. My face was pale with fear and my hands were shaking rapidly. She gave me a warm and inviting smile as she said

"Amber it ok, it's me honey".

"m-m-mom how did you get here i thought you were dead"?!

"I am sweet heart. I just came for a visit".

"how do like it in heaven?" i asked.

"oh its just fantastic! they have anything you want there"!

"th-thats great mom....".

"whats wrong honey, you look sad".

"i just miss you thats all....".

"its ok honey im always here with you. i have to go now but ill see you later ok"?

"yeah ok."i said with a tear in my eye.

"ok bye" she said before dissapearing.

"'ey kid watcha' doin' up 'dis early?" asked Falco

"nothin. nothin at all".

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Snipe Lombradi

Wow this is great!!! :P

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starfoxchick308

thanks! srry 2 make u wait i had NO inspiration whats so ever until i watched medium........anyway thanks to all of you who commented on here i really appreciate it and it makes me want to write more!

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Xortberg

thanks! just to let you know i think i have a C avereage in english. i think it might be a D but im not sure.....

Your grade in English really doesn't mean anything. I barely passed those classes, and although I'm not one for bragging, I'd say I'm among the most accomplished members here on SF-O when it comes to the language. I think you real problem is, as chaos_Leader said, that you just don't take this seriously enough. Writing doesn't require you to avsolutely dedicate your life to it for you to be good at it, but it still takes a good bit of commitment to become accomplished. This story just seems to lack that commitment.

I've only skimmed so far, so that's all I can really offer you, but just like the others have said, work on various aspects to make it more readable and coherent and it'll probably shape up nicely. Once you do that, I'll critique it for real.

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starfoxchick308

yeah ur right. i really should just stick to drawing game characters and anime from now on. i dont know if i'll even finish this fanfic but others seem to like it. i might put up some drawins i did some time ago. anyway you have a good point. i have been thinking of quitting writing stories all together, and the point im proving with my grade is i can't write a good story if my life depended on it, and im not much of a writer anyway im more of a singer/artist/videogames type person. im tryin' to take this story as seriosly as i can but i dont have any idea what to write about. so if u can can u help me out?

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