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VypersnakeX

Backstory continuation for Reynard

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VypersnakeX

Finally feeling relaxed in it's new home, it pulled down it's hood. It was a man, a young man, in his early 20s, no less. Like his hands, his face was blue as well. But his eyes, different, red, but that wasn't the different part, it was the outer areas, mostly consisting of grey, but a bit of white here and there. His facial expression, sad, but maybe he has a reason for it?

Feeling calm, yet creative, he decided that he didn't want to completely rip-off team Star Fox's design, he decided to create his own logo. He thought about the past animals he has seen. Then he remembers a snake in a bar on Zoness. This snake befriended him, and helped him get a temporary ship so he could fly down to Corneria, and start a new and better life, one without crime and scum. This snake had large fangs, much like a Viper... And that's when it hit him, he could have his signature be a Viper! So he devoted himself to making his mark become a Viper. Painting a large blue Viper with a few flames for good measure and painting said Viper blue on the tail wing of his battleship, in the very same area that team Star Fox did their logo, on both sides made this ship truly his.

Now finished with his art, he felt like he was missing something... His ship incomplete... His name incomplete... Then he remembered team Star Fox's idea of painting the team name on the side of the ship. He thought about how team Star Fox's and team Star Wolf's names. The key word: Star... Star Viper! He now had a name. However, because he didn't know how to spell many English words, he spelled "Viper" "Vyper", but he did not know it at the time. Finally, the painting on his ship was done, and he was ready to sleep for his first time in days. As he was falling asleep, he though of new things he could do with his ship: Stealth camo, Heavy blaster cannons, indestructible armor. The possibilities were endless... And that was the start of his new life as the leader of team Star Vyper

You like it? You want more? I am still working on making this into a short book, so if you're interested, stay tuned, I can give you updates on the book if you'd like!

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Mellow Walrus

A mod will have to move this to the Starfox Fanfiction board, but besides that I'll offer some critique.

Remember that there's a difference between "Its" and "It's," and you started off the story with a confusion between the two. The apostrophe in it's means that it's a placeholder for "It is"

Correct:

"It's time to go to work."

"It is time to go to work."

"Every rose has its thorns."

An easy way to determine which is right for the situation is to ask yourself if the words "It is" will make sense if they're used in place of Its/It's.

Incorrect:

"Every rose has (it is) thorns."

You can probably tell how wrong the sentence sounds if you put an it's in the wrong spot. Here's an example on how you can tell if you're using it's right.

Correct:

"It is time to go to work."

You can tell that sentence makes sense, so you can go ahead and replace "It is" with "It's" in that case.

There also seems to be a few too many commas in your writing. First you should try sounding out what you write. It may sound silly, but it'll be easier to catch unnecessary pauses that way, meaning you can take them out and make the word flow much better. The same goes for the the "..." pauses in the middle of your writing. I'd rather avoid them in descriptions, and save them only for dialogue and a character's thoughts. It could also be used in first person, but since this story is in third person I'd suggest that you hold off on them, but you might be able to pull them off sparingly.

I do have to say that I'm glad that you only limit yourself to three periods, that's the correct way of writing ellipses (pauses) It's a horrible pet peeve of mine for people to drag them out like

"It was…………………………………………………….Dumbledore!" Sure that's pretty funny in so bad it's good fics, but it completely breaks the mood in a work intended to be serious.

As far as the actual story has to go, I can't really say much on that at the moment. It's a bit too brief for me to say too much on the matter, but the premise seems pretty decent, and I could easily see the later outcomes could bend pretty much anywhere if you continue with this. I'll offer my ideas if I see more on details such as the plot and characters.

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VypersnakeX

A mod will have to move this to the Starfox Fanfiction board, but besides that I'll offer some critique.

Remember that there's a difference between "Its" and "It's," and you started off the story with a confusion between the two. The apostrophe in it's means that it's a placeholder for "It is"

Correct:

"It's time to go to work."

"It is time to go to work."

"Every rose has its thorns."

An easy way to determine which is right for the situation is to ask yourself if the words "It is" will make sense if they're used in place of Its/It's.

Incorrect:

"Every rose has (it is) thorns."

You can probably tell how wrong the sentence sounds if you put an it's in the wrong spot. Here's an example on how you can tell if you're using it's right.

Correct:

"It is time to go to work."

You can tell that sentence makes sense, so you can go ahead and replace "It is" with "It's" in that case.

There also seems to be a few too many commas in your writing. First you should try sounding out what you write. It may sound silly, but it'll be easier to catch unnecessary pauses that way, meaning you can take them out and make the word flow much better. The same goes for the the "..." pauses in the middle of your writing. I'd rather avoid them in descriptions, and save them only for dialogue and a character's thoughts. It could also be used in first person, but since this story is in third person I'd suggest that you hold off on them, but you might be able to pull them off sparingly.

I do have to say that I'm glad that you only limit yourself to three periods, that's the correct way of writing ellipses (pauses) It's a horrible pet peeve of mine for people to drag them out like

"It was…………………………………………………….Dumbledore!" Sure that's pretty funny in so bad it's good fics, but it completely breaks the mood in a work intended to be serious.

As far as the actual story has to go, I can't really say much on that at the moment. It's a bit too brief for me to say too much on the matter, but the premise seems pretty decent, and I could easily see the later outcomes could bend pretty much anywhere if you continue with this. I'll offer my ideas if I see more on details such as the plot and characters.

Thanks for the advice! I will work hard to improve it as I write the later parts!

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Vulvokunvrii

Finally feeling relaxed in it's new home, it pulled down it's hood. It was a man, a young man, in his early 20s, no less. Like his hands, his face was blue as well. But his eyes, different, red, but that wasn't the different part, it was the outer areas, mostly consisting of grey, but a bit of white here and there. His facial expression, sad, but maybe he has a reason for it?

Feeling calm, yet creative, he decided that he didn't want to completely rip-off team Star Fox's design, he decided to create his own logo. He thought about the past animals he has seen. Then he remembers a snake in a bar on Zoness. This snake befriended him, and helped him get a temporary ship so he could fly down to Corneria, and start a new and better life, one without crime and scum. This snake had large fangs, much like a Viper... And that's when it hit him, he could have his signature be a Viper! So he devoted himself to making his mark become a Viper. Painting a large blue Viper with a few flames for good measure and painting said Viper blue on the tail wing of his battleship, in the very same area that team Star Fox did their logo, on both sides made this ship truly his.

Now finished with his art, he felt like he was missing something... His ship incomplete... His name incomplete... Then he remembered team Star Fox's idea of painting the team name on the side of the ship. He thought about how team Star Fox's and team Star Wolf's names. The key word: Star... Star Viper! He now had a name. However, because he didn't know how to spell many English words, he spelled "Viper" "Vyper", but he did not know it at the time. Finally, the painting on his ship was done, and he was ready to sleep for his first time in days. As he was falling asleep, he though of new things he could do with his ship: Stealth camo, Heavy blaster cannons, indestructible armor. The possibilities were endless... And that was the start of his new life as the leader of team Star Vyper

You like it? You want more? I am still working on making this into a short book, so if you're interested, stay tuned, I can give you updates on the book if you'd like!

That's pretty cool story! Sure, id love to se more (he would also make a good RP character too!)

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