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/ (_)\_( )_\ FOX BECOMES ADDICTED TO CHEESE: EPIC NEW VERSION EDITION
) /\/ _ (o)( The Shining Achievement of All FoxKind
\ \_) (o) /
A desolate planet of pollution and waste. Venom's Voleech City was ugly as rotting paste. As I say all of this, Fox had to make haste. He was scurrying behind buildings and blasting at bots, bursting their circuits as they screamed out 'bleeps' and 'blots'. Made of tech, they were, they had no blood clots. Fox's boots continued to make more trit-trots, as he fox-trotted his way into the Death Weapon Factory. Robot armies followed him inside, could it be that Fox had nowhere to hide?
"I need to destroy these weapons so that Andross won't use them against Corneria" Fox thought to himself. He isolated each in a gravitational field, then set a timer on each one, eventually they'd come out well done. Sooner or later, they bursted into flames, sending scrap metal everywhere, killing the robot armies who had no names. Then Fox got an incoming message from Falco, not Slippy. Man oh man, is that bird ever lippy.
"Andross is here, he's bringing death and fear. Get your ass to Corneria, hurry right now! We can't make cheese, they've slaughtered every last cow! We've even got less freedom here than on Venom, I'm just thanking God that my jacket is Denim" said Falco. Fox jumped in his ship as soon as he could, then set off for Corneria, to restore peace and brotherhood. When he arrived on his homeworld he was not very pleased. The cities were in shambles, even Admiral Z's house of cheese. Cheese had been banned under Emperor Andross's new law. No one could have cheese throughout the land, not cubed nor sliced, not even one strand. Children were crying and wailing in pain, where was Fox when they needed him? No cheese is quite lame! The giant block of cheese atop Admiral Z's had melted down, far down to the ground, trapping Cornerians...wait isn't the earth round?
"Cheese can't possibly be that frickin' sticky. Something's rotten in Wisconsin, and this ain't no job for Slippy" thought Fox. Fox got an incoming message from Wolf, who was flying overhead. He didn't like Fox, he wanted Fox to be dead.
"Hey Fox it's the Wolfster, your people are worthless eaters. We added adhesive properties to the cheese, so now they're all stuck. You'll never defeat Andross cuz face it Fox, you suck. Cheese is for losers so kiss your planet goodbye. All you animals must bow before Andross and die" said Wolf. Sick of all the distress and war, Fox couldn't take it, no not anymore. Fox dropped his cell phone, and began losing his mind. He couldn't take what was happening, even so, saving planets was his 9 to 5 grind. But when all seemed lost, Peppy flew by, dispatching himself with a parachute to the ground, sniffing out trouble better than a foxhound. He got out a long stick of measuring tape, and began charting, graphing, and plotting the melted cheese landscape. Finally he knew just what the Star Fox team should do.
"Ah, dang, I'm gettin' carless. Fox, Gimme a spare Lylation Nova Bomb" ordered Peppy. Fox pulled a Nova Bomb out of his pocket and placed it in Peppy's hands.
"Ah, that be the one. Now watch and learn Fox mah boy" said Peppy. Peppy began strapping on giant mecha-gloves to prevent his hands from getting stuck, then started lifting up the cheese straight off the earth. That took strength, power, and mirth? He rolled up the cheese against the nova bomb, then hastened to a cannon, firing it at Andross's ships one by one. If they wouldn't let Cornerians have cheese then let them have what they took. In the form of planetary defense prepared by a master cook.
"DO A CHEESE ROLL!" ordered Peppy.
"Man, where'd you learn to do that?" asked Fox in amazement.
"I learned it at the Cooper's Hill Cheese Rolling and Wake. It's an event near Gloucester, England, where they roll cheese down hills. Now if you don't mind, it's time to defeat the emperor's evil shills!" said Peppy, rolling up the nova bomb in all of the melted sticky cheese from the demolition of Admiral Z's restaurant. Fox began rolling up a nova bomb in cheese, and freed all the citizens who had been stuck. Then Fox and Peppy loaded up the cannons, taking out each one of Andross's minions. Eventually appeared Andross himself, pissed off as hell, like a wargod-elf. Fox jumped into his Arwing, and prepared to take him down. He wasn't gonna lose his beloved planet to that Planet of the Apes reject CLOWN!
"You will die, just like your father" declared Andross.
"Not over my dead body!" said Fox.
"You do realize the irony and foolishness of your response, do you not, Fox?" thundered Andross.
"I realize that you're going down!" said Fox.
"If I'm going down, then I'm taking you with me" said Andross.
"NEVER!" yelled Fox.
"It is foolish to come against me. You know that I control the galaxy!" said Andross.
"The universe is like waaaay bigger than that" replied Fox. "TASTE CHEESE YOU FREAAAAK!" yelled Fox, firing a cheese laced nova bomb into Andross's mouth. Andross's ship exploded and Andross parachuted himself to the ground, along with his robot buddy and number one confidante and fan...Fantron.
"I have a splitting headache," said Andross. "Why must I always lose?" he wailed, pounding the earth with his fist.
"Master, perhaps next time you should attack your own planet, Venom. Then get everyone to think Fox was responsible. Maybe then your people would finally support you and your unquenchable thirst for war" said Fantron.
"Not a bad idea" said Andross in his evil robotic-like Darth Vader-esque voice. But then Fox cornered Andross, plasma blaster in tow. He looked quite proud, he had put on a good show!
"Correction Emperor. That's a very BAD idea!" said Fox. "You're going to Corneria War Crimes Prison for at least thirteen years, you won't get any cheese, just cheap Norwegian beers!" Andross looked confused.
Later that day...
Fox, Falco, Peppy and Slippy, watching cheese burn in a restaurant founded by a hippie!
"Yay, Fox!" clapped Falco, Peppy, and Slippy, as a giant block of cheese slowly melted under a candle's flames. They all clinged wine glasses together.
"LONG LIVE TEAM STAR FOX. AND LONG LIVE THE GLORIOUS GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING...CHEESE!" they all yelled. The three men cheered and shared a group hug, then devoured more cheese and dived into an oversized apple cider jug. Outside the room was the beautiful Krystal, aspy. She had seen enough, Fox just wasn't her guy.
Note: I took the words "THE END" and made them be out of cheese. Then I rolled them up in an awesomely tasty text sandwich.
/ \ (_, THE END
) /\/ _ (o)(
\ \_) (o) /
By Robert Monroe
Some of you know I role play Pigma on tumblr (selfish-swine.tumblr.com), and those of you that don't... well now you do. This past week I wrote a six part short story kind of exploring my interpretation of Pigma's role in Star Fox Assault (more like me trying to make sense out of it honestly), and so far those I've shared it with have enjoyed it. So here you go, SF-O, for the rest of you to see. Feel free to reply and feedback.
I want to start a Krystal support team so I thought I'd pitch the idea here.
Me and a bunch of other people on Twitter have started a group in hopes to unify as many Krystal fans as possible, because I've realized that there are SO many Krystal supporters online but they are so scattered and quiet. I think it's important for us to be all commenting together about support for Krystal and 'liking' each other's comments on Youtube/Facebook (extremely important because it means Nintendo themselves WILL see it)
I think on Nintendo's official Youtube and Facebook pages are the best places to do these "unified comments", if they continue to see the support for her (and Star Fox Assault, because it signifies not only Krystal's inclusion but also the actual potential for growth the SF series has) then they may take our support into consideration when making a new SF game!
I wanted to see if anyone on here wanted to be involved with us actively commenting/liking Krystal related posts on YouTube.
I can update this thread with links of videos we'll be targeting for this "unified support" It will really help with our cause and if you are a Krystal supporter then this is a really efficient way of showing that support/increasing her odds of returning to the series in general!
Please let me know if any of you are interested!
Wolf O'Donnell is arguably one of the most mysterious character in the Star Fox Franchise, however there are hints about what backstory the mysterious canine might have.
While Wolf is said to have been 19 years old during Star Fox 64, he appears to have been retconned into being much older than Fox in Star Fox Assault judging by his older sounding and rougher voice in said game. His tone of voice later on was carried over to Super Smash Bros. Brawl and Star Fox Zero, and the StarFox Wiki goes as far as listing him as 38 years old, with Fox being listed as 29.
While Wolf has no Homeworld established, it's safe to assume Wolf may not have originated from Corneria, as both General Pepper and Cornerian soldiers appear to speak with American accents. Additionaly, the Star Fox Zero: The Battle Begins Animated Short suggests that Corneria's native population consists only of cats and dogs.
This has lead to some people speculating that Wolf may have originated from elsewhere in the galaxy, such as Macbeth (Such as the Lylat Legacy fanseries comic, and the fanfiction called Notorious: The Life of Wolf O'Donnell.)
Despite this, the manual for Star Fox Assault states that Wolf has been wanted by the Cornerian army for many years due to crimes such as larnecy and treason.
It is also unclear when Star Wolf was formed. It is stated that Wolf formed Star Wolf when he was hired by Andross, however the Star Fox Wiki claims Star Wolf and Star Fox tangled in battle many times before then, but Wolf's trophy in Super Smash Bros. for Wii U and 3DS suggests that Wolf formed Star Wolf after having served Andross before the latter was exiled to Venom. The Star Fox Wiki claims Wolf met Leon in a bar on Venom after being hired by Andross to form Star Wolf.
Hence, it is difficult to establish when exactly the team was formed, or who he formed it with.
Interestingly, the Star Fox wiki claims Wolf used to be the leader of a gang of Space Pirates, presumably the same ones who fought the Cornerian Army at Sector Z. If this is true, it would explain how Wolf recruited various criminals around the time of Star Fox Assault, who even went as far as call him "Lord O'Donnell".
The Japanese Star Fox 64 guide interestingly refers to Star Wolf as a "band of outcasts manipulated by Pigma." Judging by the Star Fox Assault manual mentioning Wolf being wanted for larnecy and treason, it's safe to assume Wolf does still have some kind of past connection with Corneria. Pigma manipulating Star Wolf is also backed up by Pigma's Smash 4 trophy claiming he convinced Wolf to form Star Wolf, but as previously stated, exactly when is difficult to establish.
Wolf is also said to have a past rivalry with James McCloud in Super Smash Bros. Brawl. This was later confirmed in Star Fox Zero with Wolf saying the following to Fox during their one-on-one battle on Fichina: "I'm impressed! I haven't had this much fun since I fought your father." And an unused Voice Clip has Wolf say the following: "What's wrong? Your father put up more of a fight!"
Wolf is also hinted at having a grudging respect for James and Fox. In Star Fox Assault, Wolf would utter the following words if he shot down Fox: "You ain't your father after all..." Additionaly, Star Fox Command claims that both Fox and Wolf have a grudging respect towards each other.
A user on Gamefaqs has also stated Miyamoto said that Fox and Wolf were friends before Wolf was contacted by Pigma. Wolf is also said to have had a pupil-master relationship with James on the StarFox Wiki.
This makes sense since Fox clearly knows about Star Wolf before they meet each other on Fichina in Star Fox 64 and in Sector Beta in Star Fox Zero.
Wolf's quotes in Star Fox 64 and Star Fox Zero have also let many fans to believe Wolf had some kind of involvement with the death of James McCloud, where Wolf would say "You'll be seeing your dad soon, Fox!" in SF64 and "You'll be seeing your father soon..." in SF0.
I am aware that the StarFox wiki lacks sources however. If anyone has any information or hints about Wolf and his team, feel free to post in the comments.
(And feel free to move this post if needed.)
Team in Arwings