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The Greatest Story You Will Ever Read
Xortberg posted a topic in Non-Starfox WorksFor Redeemer I told you I would do this The tall, dark, handsome interdimensional traveler stopped a moment, running his hair through his flowing golden locks and sighing sadly. Why, he thought, am I so unbearably handsome and powerful? It just isn't fair! True, he could bend reality to his will and everywhere he went, men and women alike swooned over him. But it wasn't enough! He wanted something... more. And so, with a sweep of his cape, he opened a portal and stepped through. I will find it. I will find the one person worthy of my love! _-_-_ Upon stepping through his portal, he found himself in the middle of a battlefield. Corpses littered the ground, and fires blazed in all directions. A short ways away, a group of four people were battling a large dragon. Given the fact that they were normal people and the dragon was most definitely not, the tall, dark, handsome interdimensional traveler used his brilliant powers of deduction to deduce that the four people fighting the dragon were the good guys. That, of course, would make the dragon the bad guy. And without even a thought to his own safety – which, of course, would be unnecessary since he was so powerful – the tall, dark, handsome interdimensional traveler leaped over and slew the dragon with a mighty punch to its testicles. “You fool! The beast has to be killed by a Gray Warden! Now it'll just possess another Darkspawn!” The tall, dark, handsome interdimensional traveler glanced towards the voice in annoyance – after all, he was no fool – but immediately changed his mind when he saw how beautiful the woman who had shouted at him was. “What is your name?” he asked, his melodious voice alone managing to bring some calm to this corner of the battlefield. “Oh... u-um, I'm Morrigan,” she replied with a blush, obviously overcome by both his melodious voice and unbelievably good looks. “And you say that if I kill this dragon, it will possess another Darkspawn and be reborn?” She nodded. “Then I will kill them all.” And with a wave of his cape, he reached into the fabric of the world and destroyed every Darkspawn in the world. “There. They are no more.” Indeed, the four warriors looked around in wonder as all the fighting suddenly stopped. “Whoa. How did you do that?” asked a blonde man with the group. “And what is your name?” “I'm Alistair. Now tell me, how did you do that? You can't really have killed all the Darkspawn in the world. That's impossible.” “No, it isn't. I possess untold power. I reached into the fabric of the world and destroyed them all.” The tall, dark, handsome interdimensional traveler smiled. “No need to thank me. I'm far too humble to bear praise.” “I've told you my name, now you must tell me yours.” Alistair spoke with authority. Given the kingly crest on his shield and the flags flying the same crest all over town, the tall, dark, handsome interdimensional traveler brilliantly deduced that he must be the king. “I will only tell my name to my one true love. But I do suppose you need to be able to call me something in the songs your bards will write one day about my heroic deeds, so you may know me as Xort.” “Right... well, if what you say is true, then thank you. I don't suppose you could use that untold power of yours to rebuild the city, could you?” Xort thought for a moment. “Yes, I can. But I will only do so if this beautiful lady asks me to do so,” he replied, turning and kissing Morrigan's hand. Once again, she blushed, and nearly fainted. “W-Well, Ser Xort, could you rebuild the city?” And immediately after the question was asked, Xort rebuilt the ravaged city with a wave of his cape. At that, Morrigan really did faint, but not before exclaiming “Take me, Xort! Take me!” And so, Xort took her, right there on the rooftop. “Alas! I thought I had found my true love, but it is not so! I must move on! To the next world!” And with a wave of his cape, Xort was gone. _-_-_ Xort now arrived in a plain gray hallway, with a white door at the end. Approaching it, he heard two people talking inside. He knocked, and as he did a word entered his head, insisting on being spoken to the first person he encountered. The door opened, and as soon as he was able to see the person on the other side, he melodiously exclaimed, “Melons!” “Get the fuck out.” And so, heartbroken that he had once again failed to locate his true love, Xort once again swept his cape and stepped through time and space. _-_-_ Arriving in this new world, Xort couldn't help but feel happy. Everything was so bright and cheerful. Almost immediately, he heard a voice that could only belong to his true love! So beautiful, so melodious, so refined! He had to find her! Using his keen sense of hearing, he pinpointed her location and raced there. As he grew nearer and nearer, he began to make out words. “...snip by snip... the perfect color...” Yes! This is it! I must be close to my true love! Bursting gracefully through a door, he came upon the source of the perfect voice. Perfectly styled hair, elegant demeanor, impeccable fashion sense... “And that's the art of the dreeeess!” But why is she a pony! “No matter! I have untold power. I can make it work.” At his voice, the white unicorn stopped her singing and looked his way. “Welcome to Carousel Boutique! My name is Rarity. I've never seen someone like you, but I'm sure I can make something that would look simply smashing on you!” “Rarity, you are most certainly my true love. But we are different species! But, I can fix it. Here!” And with a wave of his cape, Xort reached into the fabric of the world and changed Rarity into a human. At that precise moment, a minty green unicorn walked into the boutique. Seeing that Rarity had been transformed into a human, she went into a blind rage and killed her. “I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A HUMAN! MEEEEEEEE!” His heart broken at his loss, Xort once again swept his cape and stepped through time and space. _-_-_ “I'm beginning to think I will never find my true love.” Suddenly, an idea came to Xort's unbelievably brilliant mind. “I'll just use my powers to detect true love waves! Then I can go straight to my true love!” And so, concentrating all of his untold cosmic powers onto this single task, he located her. With a sweep of his cape, Xort rushed to her world, eager to finally meet his true love. He arrived in an impossibly beautiful forest. Birds were singing, chipmunks and squirrels were conducting an orchestral arrangement, and beavers were building monuments to his greatness already. Taken in by the beauty of the world, he almost didn't notice the presence of another being nearby. “Are you my true love?” she asked, and when Xort turned and saw her impossibly beautiful face, he knew that he had at last found his true love. “Yes. What is your name?” “I am Mary Sue. What is yours?” “Marty Stu.” And the two lived happily ever after.