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2 years ago, I made the biggest mistake I could ever have made as a gamer, and that was to go competitive. Smash Bros used to be among my all time favourite franchises, finding so much joy in unlocking tracks, characters, stage parts (Brawl), then in Smash 4, I decided to try the online features. All I wanted to do then was keep trying, and up my win rate. The more I did it, the less I achieved, the angrier I got at myself, and the more I hurt myself. It got to the point where I would have to warn people of how I normally behave when playing Smash nowadays, and I would spend far too long in such a depressing mood trying to decide whether or not I want to take the risk of displaying my 'normal' behavior again when I feel like playing it. Now this behavior is extending beyond that game. A long time ago, I tried going competitive in 2012 and 2013 Call Of Duty games for the Wii U. The exact same behavior occurred, and it's worse here, because now I feel that if I can't accomplish something on hardened difficulty, I can't play COD at all. I deem myself unworthy of playing the game. But what's really getting me to ask this question now is that this behavior is now extending to games that aren't even competitive. It occurred to me a few minutes ago that I just hurt myself while playing what's supposed to be a fun and harmlessly challenging platformer called Shovel Knight: Specter Of Torment. I was now deeming myself unworthy of being able to represent my favourite character, Specter Knight, because I made too many mistakes, died too many times, and lost too much gold. And now for the question: Why can't I stop feeling so ashamed of myself for failing?