The Thing Resembling a Life That Fana Possesses

[Fana McCloud]

Okay, blog time. XD Not that my life is ever too jam packed with interesting stuff day to day, but lately my mother's birthday has been my mind and I did have a bit of a day yesterday getting that sorted out.

I was driving my IHSS client around and we ended up in Lancaster on the boulevard, which is where all the good shopping is and the farmer's market happened to be that day. So after I was done with her I decided to take a look at what was there. There was plenty in the way of produce and food but I felt the crafts booths were rather lacking - I swear there were like three separate booths that sold nearly identical african-pride themed merchandise, and only a couple more booths period beyond that. It made me feel like I should whip out my 1337 craftsperson skillz and try selling some stuff there to add a bit more variety and quality, but the start up costs would be horrendous and I'm like beyond poor.

I did find a booth that sold some interesting pendants on chains, which were backed by beach glass in all kinds of colors that the vendor had harvested herself. A couple caught my eye but I decided to hold off on that and ended up getting some gifts from Target later in the day. Being sterling silver and all they were a bit pricey and the chains she had available didn't impress me, but I did think they were nice enough to be worth considering. I might go back and get a pendant for mother's day for my mom, who knows.

While I was still on the boulevard I also tried a falafel sandwich (although it was more of a wrap), and had a couple fancy little pastries for desert. One of the pastries was a mini cheesecake with a sort of clear pinkish GLITTER gel and a strawberry on top. I kid you not, I ate glitter - I imagine the inhabitants of Equestria must do the same.

At Target I also got some german chocolate cake mix and interesting candles that claim the flame of the lit candles matches the color of the candle wax - we'll have to see if that's true.

And if anyone is wondering what an "IHSS client" is, let me explain: I help elderly and disabled people do errands, housework, etc. These people employ me and I send time sheets in to our belovedly bankrupt state government of California in order to receive pay. I do this kind of work because it's a million times more flexible than a normal 9-5 job and I have mental and physical health issues that make it difficult to work a normal job at present. IHSS is short for "In Home Supportive Services".

So yeah, was a fairly big day compared to what my days are normally like.

[Fana McCloud]

Nargh, all good must be weighed with bad it seems. In-law was fuming because I forgot about buying her cancer sti- I mean cigarettes. She has this problem with actually communicating with others when she has an issue so she mostly does one of the following:

1) Grumbles incoherently to nobody in particular.

2) Yells and makes a racket in some fashion, again to nobody in particular, and usually when she's alone.

Bear in mind I'm not paid to run errands for her like my IHSS clients, and my week was rather taxing on me mentally and physically. Whenever I try to compensate for her inability to approach people and discuss problems by approaching her myself she turns into a mute - very little gets done. There's also a liquor store LITERALLY around the corner so if she's short she does have that option when I'm unable to get a carton for her.

I'll probably have to tell her she needs to do her own errands now because I can't deal with someone who won't communicate, and I certainly don't need the drama when I already battle clinical depression full-time. : /

Though if anyone has dealt with someone similar and has ideas I'm all ears.

[sroberson]

I feel you on the clinical depression issues. I have wondered often if I suffer from that given my almost biweekly lapsing into depressive streaks for a few years now. Wish I had advice to give on how to deal with the in-law, but I can't even deal with my somewhat unreasonable roommate haha. Its highly hypocritical for me to ask a question like this, but what would happen if you said you weren't interested in buying her cigarettes anymore? It kind of sounds like how my roommate is...he is pretty lazy. Doesn't drive, so I have to drive him around, refuses to eat random things and is too lazy to cook so he eats out all the time and by extension makes me drive him around more, requests I bring home food all the time and proceed to complain about the quality of it and dispose of it when I spent my money on it...everyone tells me I should stand up and make him solve his own problems, but I need the financial security right now more than the iron will.

[Fana McCloud]

Yeah, that's the real trap that he probably at least subconsciously uses to push you around - your precarious financial situation. One thing does occur to me though: I had to teach myself that cooking doesn't have to be time consuming or laborious, because I really needed to stop eating TV dinners all the time. As a consequence though I also learned it tends to taste better too, and it gives me time to think away from more stressing things. I dunno if his personality would lend towards it but maybe nudging him towards something like that might help, I dunno. Crock pots / slow cookers are good lazy mans' cooking tools and the results can be great. Om nom nom. >:3 If you make changing his eating habits feel positive he might go for it.

But even if you can't change his eating habits, at least put an end to expending your own money towards it - he pays or he doesn't eat, period, and that includes for the gas to drive out to get it. Not even my grandmother in-law is callous enough to make me pay for her cancer sticks, sheesh. I use her card to buy that crap. Doing things for the person you live with is I think an admirable and worthy thing to do but only if they don't make you pay the financial and emotional costs for it beyond what you're obligated to pay.

But yeah, I was always uncomfortable with feeding her smoking habit, but she flips over more than just her cigarettes - when she's running low on just about anything important she gets angsty. Hence why I might have to just stop being her fetch-it woman altogether. But we'll see, I'll have to present the issue to her one way or another and if diplomacy can be had that's great - otherwise it has to end.

One thing I've learned from my current situation is that no amount of financial security will compensate for the emotional and physical drain that demanding people incur, which just keeps you unhappy even if you're technically "surviving" - but it's not living.