fanfictiondreamer

Showitious

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fanfictiondreamer

There is so much that went on with my life and I want to talk about, so much that I have held back about myself. When I was a young girl, I had a major fascination with fictional characters, something I believe is part of my Asperger's. However, that fascination became something that I lost control of. I had this weird, unexpected incident in which my fascination with some of these fictional characters became even more than I anticipated. Sometimes, when I take one look at those characters, they get stuck in my head for extended periods of time. A lot of the time, I don't even want to keep thinking about them, but I couldn't push them out of my head no matter how badly I wanted to. 

 

I will never forget the first time I saw Starfox. My brother received Starfox 64 as a get well soon present from my aunt, uncle and cousins. Coming near my 9th birthday, my brother showed me the game. At first, nothing happened, I was watching the game. Everything seemed normal. But then, the second he turned off the game, that's when I started to experience it. The game was still playing in my head. The characters themselves, I could still see their faces and hear their voices as though the game was still on. It was intense and it wasn't stopping, no matter how badly I wanted it to. There was nothing I could do to push it out of my head. The experience itself stayed with me over night, like garlic breath. It took a few days for it to eventually die down, but as soon as I saw the game again, it was right back to day 1 and I had to go through the whole declining process all over again. But even during remission process, I know that I still have it.

 

Starfox wasn't the first time I experienced something like this and it wasn't going to be the last of it, either. Soon enough, more and more shows and characters began to follow. Sometimes, they started at first glance, other times, I had to look at them a few times before I couldn't stop thinking about it. It became ongoing and it took on a life of its own. I didn't know the real name to something like this, so I decided to name it Showitious, after the first thing that I began to experience this from. I didn't ask for this and if I had the choice to push this out, I would have day 1. However, I have lived with this for so long that I have gotten use to it. It still isn't easy and I don't think it will ever stop but I have learned to live with it like anything else.

 

Still, I have to wonder, is there anyone else who has experienced anything like this before? I know both of my cousins who are also autistic has this as well. I wonder who else has this.

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Hidi

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Putting the snarky humour aside, we could argue that I've become more-or-less addicted to TF2, and a lot of things about it. For me, I can like something a lot for a period of time, but then after a while, I just forget about that thing. With TF2, I've been playing that game and still enjoying it for two years now.

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fanfictiondreamer

A lot happened to me at age 9. I can still remember it being the time that I began creating the Ultimate Story. I have been dreaming up stories since I was 6, so it was nothing new to me. As the story grew, I began to use it as a coping mechanism for my Showitious. A lot of the characters involved in this are now part of my story. It started out as personal entertainment for myself, but now, it has become my therapy. I still struggle with this condition, but I am managing it better and I am learning each day how to live with it. Although, it seems more like I'm doing this to enjoy having this condition. It didn't matter considering that I can't get rid of it and avoiding it solves nothing. It's better to embrace this so that I can figure out how to tackle this and I am using every means to do so. I'm feeling so much better doing this.

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fanfictiondreamer

The following shows/video games that are part of my Showitious:

Starfox  (I have never forgotten)
Pokemon (certain characters)
Digimon (a # of Digimon)
Sonic (at least 3)
Legend of Zelda (my most recent focus right now)

                                                                                                                                                              

 

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fanfictiondreamer

Growing up with Autism has been a challenge and a half for me. I can remember going through my childhood feeling different from other kids for some reason. I had very little interest with making friends, much to my dad and brother's dismay, I was always daydreaming about my favorite shows and, soon enough, my favorite video games. When I was an 8th grader, my mom signed me up for therapy. It was then that I thought "It's official; I'm crazy" because I once believed that therapy is for people who are crazy. I later on learned that wasn't true.

Driving home from having me be signed up for therapy, my mom told me a story about what she went through with me when I was still a baby. She told me that I was always quiet and I was up to speed on walking but I was not talking at all and she became very concerned. She spent 6 months trying to figure out if I had hearing problems because she had a history of hearing loss in her family with her and her brother. It took a while for them to realize that the problem I had affected my communication. It was a problem that involved my brain. I was diagnosed with PDD-NOS at age 3.

After hearing this story, nearly everything that happened to me started making sense. I feel as though this is causing my Showitious, although I still don't know everything about this problem, such as why a select handful of characters from my shows and games are involved. I know I didn't hand select them to be part of this, but because of this, I have to choose them to be important parts of my story. I feel as though I will always be stuck with this.

Edited by fanfictiondreamer

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Fookes

Although I have not experienced showtitious before, I can definitely relate to you being obsessed with certain characters, daydreaming, and Asperger's. :)

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fanfictiondreamer

Hey! How many people feel like this?

https://youtu.be/dYEdTmr-ZqM

This is what Showitious does to me all the time.

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Fookes
6 hours ago, fanfictiondreamer said:

Hey! How many people feel like this?

https://youtu.be/dYEdTmr-ZqM

This is what Showitious does to me all the time.

I don't really understand what you mean... Can you explain to me a bit more in depth if you can?

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fanfictiondreamer

The video talks about people with other things on their minds. As you can see on the video, what they're mentioning are completely irrelevant with what they are doing or dealing with. To say "we all suffer from our minds being elsewhere" is pretty much the story of my life and it never stops regardless of how badly I want it to.

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fanfictiondreamer

Ok, I'm going to talk about my favorite video game, Starfox Adventures and why I'm so obsessed with it.

I have seen on this site some people talking about the game. Some people like it, some people don't. Some people thought it was a good game, some people believe it should have not been made. And this whole thing about the original idea of having it be just Dinosaur Planet and that some people support that a lot more than what it actually became. I'm not against that and I'm not offended by the criticism of my favorite video game. You do make a lot of valid points about it, but it is what it is and the game was made into exactly what it is.

As to why I'm into it, the game came out around the time that I was having a very tough time at school. I was starting 8th grade that Autumn and I had a teacher named Mr. Glickman. My brother had him and he portrayed the guy as a joker of sorts. However, to me, he was hardly that. When I had him, he was very mean to me. Nearly everyday that I went to school that year, it was one battle after another with him. You could even say he was a jerk. I can't remember everything that he did to me, all I remembered that he criticized in ways that a teacher shouldn't and he belittled me. I felt like I was such a bad child but never once did my parents punish me for what I did. However, that was the first year that I punished myself. I felt so much like a bad child that I stopped asking for the Gamecube or any of the games since I felt like I didn't deserve them, plus I was so attached to my brother's N64 that I just couldn't have another game console. Of course, I got the Gamecube that Christmas and Starfox Adventures.

When the game first came out, I was resistant over the idea of getting it, but it intrigued me. When I actually got it, it took me a few days before I actually decided to play it. But when I played it for the first time, I almost immediately fell in love with it. I have also been resistant of playing it because I was still dealing with what happened to me when I first saw Starfox 64. Now, I'm beginning to suspect that I was so absorbed in it because of a trauma that I was dealing with the year I first saw that game. When I was thinking about going through the same thing with Starfox Adventures, I immediately remember Glickman and it all started making sense. My obsessions with these games were caused by the trauma of dealing with someone who were treating me very badly. That and my Autism. Those instances combined created this. To this day, I'm still dealing with the affects to those damages. My ongoing obsessions to these games is an indication of that. I truly believe that this is the true cause of my Showitious.

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fanfictiondreamer

I talked to my brother about this condition of mine. He seems to understand it more and more. He also believes that I have more power to conquer this than even I realize or have given myself credit for. He really wants me to see that Fox in Space video and I have been hesitant about it because of my history with Starfox. One of the things that may need to do to manage this better is come to terms with the source of this problem by letting go of some of the scars from my past. I need to let my dad know that even though he has caused me a lot of angst throughout my childhood, through yelling at me; not dealing with my issues without being quick to anger, I should tell him that I understand he did the best he could trying to take care of me with everything around him weighing heavy on him, between his back pains, mom working full time to provide for the family and not understanding why I am the way I am, I understand why he was the way he was and I need to help him ease his guilt of how he was to me. That way, I can start healing and this condition may no longer be as intense as it is now so it will be easier to manage. I also need to sort out a lot of the issues with my brother so I can let go of the pain that he has caused me and I don't need to be afraid to tell him anything, anymore. I also wish to use this to help others with their problems so that they can let go of their tensions and learn to deal with their pain better. That would be wonderful.

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fanfictiondreamer

I just posted a video about this subject. They are both on Twitch and Youtube. If you would like to see it, check them out for yourselves. This is the link for the video on Twitch:

https://www.twitch.tv/videos/144418854

This is something that really is important to me and I would really love to get people to know about this.

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Fookes

On second thought... I think I do experience it! Sometimes I get certain scenes from video games, movies, TV shows, etc. stuck in my head! One of them is that one scene in Zootopia with the sloths at the DMV. :p Sometimes I also make up my own scenes with my own characters and they get stuck in my head too... XD

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fanfictiondreamer

Throughout most of my life, I have...unique ways of dealing with stress. Every now and again, I come across something that often cause me too much stress. My mind has a tendency to alleviate me of that stress, too often without my consent. I'm sure many of you have been aware of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I have often thought that it is caused by an extremely traumatic incident, such as life and death situation. Turns out it can take on much less severe incidents than that, such as bullying. That's horrible.

At age 8, I was picked on someone and he bothered me everyday. My mind formed a sort of coping mechanism that took on a form of fictional characters, such as Starfox. I have always lived with that since I was turning 9. Since then, more and more of them formed from just the normal stressful incidences, such as dealing with my dad and brother.

Too often, my PTSD has taken on a life of its own, which is pretty much what defines Showitious. Whenever that comes around, a lot of those characters for me become my favorites, whether I wanted to or not. It is complicated so it can be difficult to understand. Then again, the human mind is very complex and therefore, it is understandable why it can be so difficult to comprehend our behaviors, what makes us tick and what causes us to become so emotionally overwhelmed. That's what Psychology is for.

For me, whenever something comes around that has helped to shelter me from the most difficult parts of my life, such as dealing with my 8th grade homeroom teacher, such games like Starfox Adventures becomes my most favorite game of all times regardless of its obvious flaws. That's just how I am.

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fanfictiondreamer

Hey, everyone. I just want to let you know that I plan on posting something on here. I have made something called the "Scrapbook of Dread" which highlights a lot things that I have been dealing with involving my Showitious. I have been taking some pictures of my scrapbook and I plan to post those pictures on here. So, if it's absolutely necessary, please by all means have this forum moved to the Picture House column. 

I will post them on here whenever I can.

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fanfictiondreamer

I think I may have found a way for me to clarify what this is like:

Imagine, if you will, a television that the second it turns on, you can never turn it off no matter how badly you want to or even need to.

Imagine that television always serving as a distraction every second that it's on, with having to shut it out be extremely difficult.

Imagine that television following you everywhere you go, including places where you need to really focus on other things, such as school.

Now imagine you being the only one being able to see and hear that television because it's in your head.

THAT'S what I've been going through most of my life and it can be exhausting sometimes.

That's probably the best way for me to describe it. If you went through something like this, would you be able to manage this? For me, I didn't have any other choice BUT to figure out how to manage it because IT NEVER STOPS!!!!

That's all for now.

 

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Sideways

It's comforting to know I am not the only person here with Asperger's. I can relate to what you describe, as I will go through phases like what you describe. Whether it's Transformers, Sonic, Starfox.. Music I will do the same thing. I will get stuck on the same album or song for a week or two before I "lose interest" and go to something else. I've learned to focus on other things as I grew older so I could focus on my job and life.

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fanfictiondreamer

I finally did something that I've always wanted to do. I've started a list of sorts of the characters that I've been having this experience with. It can be found right here: https://legendsofthemultiuniverse.fandom.com/wiki/Category:Characters_involved_in_Fanfictiondreamer's_Showitious

This makes me very happy to get this out in the open. It feels like I'm actually seeing this issue right in front of me rather than just inside my head. It feels so vidicating, like I'm putting so much of my burdens out there for everyone to see.

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