My Confession Journal

[fanfictiondreamer]

OK, so there’s something that I want to confess and it’s something that I was finally able to find a way to put into words.

As a kid, I used to watch and enjoy Kids WB and it’s shows. However...there were some things that bothered me. It was back when Pokemon finally joined the roster for the first time. I loved that, I loved that it inevitably did, but...there were the commericals.

So many of those commercials were funny, but some...really bothered me. It was the ones with the crossovers between the different Kids WB shows or hearing them break the 4th wall and say “Kids WB”. That one bothered me for a different reason, but that’s another story about another time. This confession is about the commercials.

There were a number of them that were crossovers, especially the ones with Pokemon. They bothered me because of how my mind functions. I have created crossovers in my head for years and too often, it can be very hard to control my imagination. I could feel those ideas forcibly shoving themselves into my head and it had been very overwhelming to me. On top of that, I have been harshly criticized about my stories by someone who was close to me. To add that, it was too much for me to handle. I couldn’t take it. Everytime I saw it or heard it, I was so overwhelmed that I panicked and ran away because it was the only way for me to deal with them.

I just wanted absolute control, that’s all that it’s been about, as much as so many others out there don’t understand. I’ve struggled with this for years and although it’s been getting better for me, I still struggle, but it feels more subtle and better managed than before. I can in some way take charge of my stories and my imagination and I continue to create stories as a means of maintaining control, whether some people understand and/or respect that or not.

So, here’s a little tip: don’t shove ideas into my head!! I’m dealing with different parts of my mind doing that to me already and I’m fighting that every-single-day, I don’t appreciate any outside influences doing the same.

And on that note, that should be it for this confession. I’ll make more of these entries when I think of any more.