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setting: this story takes place in an alternate timeline, where the team never split up, and the whole aparoid thing vever happened, instead andrew oikonny takes his uncle's throne and sets a trap for starfox.


As the Great Fox approached the edge of Venomian territory, team starfox launched the first group of arwings, and Fox McCloud, Falco Lombardi, Peppy Hare, Slippy Toad, Katt Monroe, and Krystal were speeding towards the distress signal coming from deep within the planet  Venom.

But as they got closer, Peppy could sense something was wrong. he contacted the other half of the team, "Miyu, take the great fox back to corneria and regroup," he said." but we just finished preparing the prototype arwing  mk IIII's said Fara Phoenix.  just do as I asked Peppy replied.  Miyu pressed some buttons and the Great fox disappeared into hyperspace with a flash.

back on venom...

looks like we got company Falco said.

the group barrel rolled and blasted the first wave of fighters to nothing, then Krystal suddenly boosted away from the rest of the group, this way, she said, I can feel the presence of whoever sent that distress call

almost immediately the others hit their boosters. it wasn't long before they came to a large building of some kind, they flew in through a hatch that was left open for them.......bad idea......

almost immediately things began to go wrong.

shields are failing slippy said.  I'm losing engine power was falco's reply weapons offline Katt said prepare for emergency landing said Peppy

landing stuts extended, Fox said, at least something works. luckily the deceleration thrusters fired correctly and the 6 arwings landed safely, though something was really screwing with their instruments.

well, long time no see, a voice squealed.

Pigma, they all said.


back on the Great fox...

how long until we get to Corneria Fay asked

Rob, what's our ETA to Corneria city Miyu said.

we will reach Corneria in approximately 68 hours the robot replied in it's monotone voice.well I need to get some rest and think things through Miyu said, Fara you have the bridge.

Aye and good night Fara said.

it wasn't long until Miyu awoke from a weird dream, and couldn't go back to sleep. She had too much to think about right now, with andrew oikonny declaring war on Corneria, and now Fate has put Her in command of the Starfox team, what's left of it anyway.

but she couldn't go up to the bridge now, she couldn't let the others see she was getting stressed out, or they might question her orders in combat. so she lay in bed and tried to figure the dream out instead. large grey room, strange but somehow familiar voices, people screaming, then she remembered something, the rookie was a telepath, so she finally decided that the dream was Krystal trying to contact her telepathicly, which must mean their equipment is in pretty bad shape and they're in danger.

should she turn the ship around? she thought, we do have the new arwing mk IIII's that are totally impervious to rf and emp radiataion, as well as a plasma cannon in edition to the dual hyper-lasers enhanced engines and massively improved shields.

but on the other hand we're a pilot short and that is never a good thing.

no, they would continiue back to Corneria, surely Bill would be back form his mission by then...right..........

---------------------end of Ch 1--------------------------------------------------------

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~~~~~~~~~~CH 2~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Miyu got out of bed and walked up to the drink dispenser.

"Coffee,hot, and black." she ordered, and almost instantly a fresh cup of coffee appeared. Miyu took the coffee and went over to the computer terminal in the room.

"Might as well make an entry in the ship's log," she thought.

Miyu pressed the record button and began making the entry:

"Commandeering Captain's Log, 1840 hours, Cornerian time. Andrew Oikonny is now in control of his uncle's army, and has declared war on Corneria.To make matters worse, when we went to investigate a distress call, something went wrong, and now Fate has put me in command of the team.... or what's left of it anyway. I still don't know exactly what happened....."

She paused to take a big drink of coffee, then continiued. "but six members of the team have been separated from us, and their status is currently unknown, though I'm almost certain they are POW's. Oikonny probably intends to trade them off for a rather large sum of money.

"we are currently en route to Corneria to regroup. and hopefully pick up Bill Grey to fill the fourth prototype arwing mk IIII, as we are a pilot short."

She pressed another button and ended the recording. Then she finished her coffee and went for more. Someone pressed the door buzzer.

"Come in," she said. The arrival was startlingly none other than James McCloud, Fox's father. "H-How can this be?" Miyu thought to herself.

"Miyu,listen very carefully," James said, "Fox and the others are alive, I can sense it.and You will be able to save them, I know you're stressed out right now, But Peppy was right to leave you in command, I'd have done the same thing."

"But what can we do now?" Miyu asked.

"Never give up, trust your instincts," James replied, "The answer will come to you in time. Time is short, for Andrew has quite the following, and he has captured Beltino Toad's research facility on Corneria, but Beltino wasn't there at the time. I don't know where he is, but I can sense that he's still free, at least right now anyway.

Good Luck.... " he said, and disappeared.

Miyu didn't know if she was imagining it or not, but James's words did give her a sense of reassurance, and she was able to finally get some sleep.

..............end of Ch2 pt1.............................................................................

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ok this is a bit later than i planned to be working on this, but here it is

a small word of warning though, this part has one bleeped out curse word, and the next chapter will have violence, it is combat afterall.

~~~~~~~~~~CH2 pt2~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

at around 0500 Corneria time, Miyu awoke to the sound of the ship's alarm.  Great, what now she thought to herself, still half asleep.

then Fara rang her PDA.  "heads up we got incoming" Fara said.

"Gear up and meet me in the launch bay, and tell Fay to do the same" Miyu said.

it was time to give the mk IIII's their first real combat test.

Miyu started running down the long corridor to the launch bay, and was soon joined by Fay and Fara.


in the launch bay:

ROB, raise the defensive shielding to maximum as soon as we're clear, Miyu ordered.

what is it we're going to be fighting, Captain? Fay asked.

I'm not Exactly sure, but we will beat them, and would you please stop with the formalities, this is only temporary." Miyu answered.

alright let's go kick their @**es so I can go to bed Fara said, jumping into one of the enhanced arwings.

"Don't get so overconfident" Miyu said, "we don't know what we're up against, just follow my lead, and hold formation unless I say otherwise." she climbed into her arwing the three of them fired the engines. "check your shields and G diffuser settings" Miyu said into the comm.

"Good to go" Fara said, but Miyu worried that she didn't really check the systems.

"all systems green" Fay said.

"alright let's roast these jokers" Miyu said and pushed the engines up to full power.  the others soon followed.

"Rob get those shields up" Miyu said.

"Affirmitive" the robot answered.

"Playtime is over starfox" an all too familiar voice came over the comm

Star wolf, well at least they knew what they were dealing with, Miyu sighed.

"Weapons hot team, let's get these guys" Miyu said.

~~~~~~~~~end of ch2pt2~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hope to get ch 3 done sometime this afternoon, but it will probably be tomorrow morning

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I'll try to update this as much as possible, though juggling writing a fanfic with administrating a forum and checking DA and SA for new art and adding it to the Miyu Archive is quite the task, so don't worry if I'm a day or two late on updates, and if that occours, it's a good sign that the Miyu Archive is recieving a major update. but I will have a new chapter up every 2 or 3 days for sure, though I will try for daily updates.

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First, I just wanted to say that I split the old topic to get rid of the unrelated posts. Feel free to change the topic if this has a title.

As for the fic itself... Well, I find it odd that you left out Bill while including Katt. Not to mention you've got Miyu and no Faye. The setup is at least interesting.

This needs a lot of work, however, and I don't even know where to begin. I think, before you even start expanding, you need to get a handle on the basics of dialogue scripting. Please use quotation marks "" to set off dialogue from narration, and start a new paragraph every time someone new is talking. There's a lot to be said for developing content before developing structure, but doing something as simple as this will add tons to the readability.

Also, it should be noted that the Roman numeral 4 is IV, not IIII.

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They came up right level with the opposing squadron.

"well well, looks like the great Fox McCloud was too chicken to come out to play" Wolf said.

"shut up Wolf" Fara said, boosting ahead and firing repeatedly at the lead star wolf pilot.

Miyu used the slight distraction to her advantage and, sent a charged laser blast into Leon's ship. it disintegrated one of the wings, and severely damaged the engine, but unfortunately the shields held.

"give up already" Leon said.

"Not a chance, Lizard breath" Miyu retorted, charging another laser blast.

Miyu centered Leon's cockpit in the target sensor, but before she got the chanceto vaporize him, she heard an urgent distress call on the comm. it was Fara, she neede help and fast.

"G diffuser malfunctioning, can only manage 40% engine power"

Fara said.

Miyu jammed the booster control to max power "on my way" she said.

"I've got you now" Wolf said to Fara", "I wonder how much Fox would pay to get you back" he continiued.

"you should know sneaking up on a malfunctioning ship is dishonorable" Miyu said to Wolf, having already released the charged shot.

the blast hit Wolf's ship directly in the g diffuser (if wolfens have them, but let's assume they do). the resulting explosion obliterated his entire engine system, leaving him powerless and at their mercy.

"Finish me Wolf ordered."

"No I'm not like you" miyu said. "if the blast had finished you it would have done this entire star system a great service, but to fire on a defenseless ship is cowardly and dishonorable. now don't get in my way again, you may not be so lucky next time." she continiued.

"I guess I owe you one" Fara said. her ship's systems only now coming back online. 

"No time to celebrate, Miyu said, "we still got Panther and leon to frag"

"Right" Fara said, and went to finish off Leon.

"Sucker" panther said, sneaking up behind Fay, and firing off a few shots.  unfortunately for him, the enhanced shields absorbed them all with only the slightest energy depletion.

"Bad Move Panther" Miyu said, doing a u turn and coming up between them.

"ah, the lovely Miyu" panther said. " why don't you come ride with me"

"Flirting isn't doing you any good" Miyu said, firing several well placed plasma cannon rounde into his ship.

his ship went spiraling out of control, and crashed into Wolf's, cracking the hull slightly, and it began to slowly vent pressure. Panther barely managed to make it inside an old space pirate's station before the entire canopy shattered. he made it, inside, but soon fell unconsious. dragging Wolf's ship with him. Leon soon followed, having narrowly evaded all three pilots and slipped into the hideout.

"Rob, lower the shields" Miyu ordered, we're heading home.

"Affirmitive, shields offline" the robot answered.

'Fay, Fara, good work, now let's form up and get ready to dock" Miyu said.

the three pilots eased back on the engine power, and brought their arwings to a perfect stop on the docking ramps.  they simultaneously hit thecanopy release buttons and jumped out, happy to havesafely accomplished their first test.

"Fara, be a little more careful next time, I almost lost you out there" Miyu said.

"yeah yeah, just fix the g diffuser" Fara said.

~~~~~~~~~end of ch 3~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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