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Kirby Becomes Addicted to Salsa

The Green Fox

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    I never believed or imagined how powerful the allure of good salsa could be until the fateful day that I became addicted to it. I never guessed that I could become consumed by something I consume, which is food. Now me, I'm not a picky eater. I'll eat anything. You name it. Waddle Dees, Chicadees, Kings of Dededes, anything. Eating my foes was what gave me my tremendous apocalyptic power, what gave me my strength and my ability to stand tall, despite the fact that I am a tiny pink puffball who can barely reach the kitchen cupboard to pull down a container of condensed soup. I never imagined that I would fall in love with salsa, but I did. I didn't become a Super Salsa Saiyan when I ate salsa though, but Dedede did once, I think.

      Salsa became both my best friend, and my worst enemy. It all started on a rainy day in February, when King Dedede, possessed by the Nightmare, was trying to take over my peaceful and colorful dimension of rainbows and hallucinations. I was battling that tree thing that shoots other things at you, and I was swallowing everything that came near me. Finally, the tree thing shot out a big glob of salsa, and as soon as it came into contact with my tongue, my taste buds reacted so strongly, that they literally jumped out of my body, and then back into me. Now, this was a good eat. This was truly one of the most memorable eating experiences I had ever had. My taste buds felt tremendous pleasure, even though I didn't gain any powers, cuz see,  normally, when I swallow something, I reach a climax where I usually become what I eat.

    They say you are what you eat. Well, this is certainly true for me, most of the time, as I am Kirby, the legendary one who becomes what he eats. This time, even though I didn't become a Super Salsa Saiyan or whatever, I definately felt like salsa was meant for me. And I was meant for it, it, of course being salsa. I went to mexican restauraunts frequently, and would only eat the salsa, the chimichongas did nothing for me. I ate salsa every day. Salsa was near and dear to me. I loved to consume salsa every day. But when King Dedede was taking over my kingdom after he stole the Star Wand or whatever the heck it was, I felt like something was different. I couldn't eat Waddle Dees anymore. I couldn't gain special powers anymore, because eating my enemies just didn't appeal to me. What did appeal to me was salsa and tortilla chips. So as I was marching merrily through Green Green Happy Land or whatever it's called, my enemies noticed something different in me.

    "Why aren't you trying to eat us Kirby? You're supposed to suck us up like a vacuum!" said Waddle Dee.

    "TASTE SALSa, minion of the penguin who is evil!" I replid, tossing salsa in the face of the subserviant creature of the dark one, known as Dedede.

    "WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY HIS NAME?" asked my enemy.

    "You're not supposed to say the name of You Know Who!" I responded with vigor. I then chugged some more salsa, and had a dream where the god of food came down and talked to me.

    "KIRBY, there comes a time when food addictions go too far. I had this same issue with Pac Man when he stopped eating pac pellets and became addicted to asparagus! This salsa thing has to stop, for the fate of the world is at stake! You must stop Dedede and swallow the baddies, or I will ban salsa from the earth!" stated the god of food with authority. His hammer of judgement came down on me, and then I woke up in the real world again. I then decided then and there that it was time for me to quit eating salsa. And let me tell you this folks, I never ate salsa again. Ever.


                  THE END

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