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JCMasterman

"A Krystal Encounter" My First Star Fox Fanfic

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JCMasterman

I could turn into a furry..... :(

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sjrathbun812

^ Indeed!

Edit: I read the 5th and 6th chapters now....He'll come back to Starfox.....Right? RIGHT?  :lol: Can't wait 'til the next chapter!  :D

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"User"

Heh, I guess reality creeps in in unsuspecting ways... :oops:  If it's a bad review, I'll take the criticism and revise whatever they didn't like. If it's a good review, then I'll use that as a stepping stone to continue writing. A win-win if you ask me.

I can assure you that this review will be quite epic. Although I'm not allowed to divulge it's contents.  :shock:

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JCMasterman

^ Indeed!

Edit: I read the 5th and 6th chapters now....He'll come back to Starfox.....Right? RIGHT?  :lol: Can't wait 'til the next chapter!  :D

One's journey ends, another begins...  :wink:

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Xortberg

Unfortunately, we must push the main review back a little while; it’s taking much longer than anticipated, and with NaNoWriMo coming up my limited free time will be virtually nonexistent. So, while everyone waits for a hopefully hilarious video review, here’s my take on it in text. Keep in mind that everything I say is meant constructively - I want us to all leave here having learned something about writing.

This fic sucks. Bad. I mean, seriously, a self-insert? That’s like… writing’s number one no-no. Never put yourself in a story. Also, if Twilight has done one good thing, it’s knowledge: romance should never be the main plot. You have done both of these. Now, for a story to be good, certain requirements must be met: consistent storytelling, a pleasant and consistent voice, and pacing are all three very important aspects of being a successful writer. You have succeeded at none of them. In fan fiction, it is also important to respect the canon, i.e. keeping characters in-character, keeping the abilities of characters within the bounds set by the source material, and keeping your facts straight regarding anything that needs to be known. You have also failed at this.

Now, time to get in-depth!

We’ll start by going over exactly why self-inserts are bad. In my personal opinion, characters are the most important part of any work. Of course, you and others might believe differently than me, but it cannot be denied that without good characters, it’s hard to enjoy what could have otherwise been a good story. I hated season 4 of Digimon simply because every character in it was annoying.

Self-inserts are bad for this because any time you try to put yourself in as a character, you will get yourself wrong. This is just a fact of life. You, despite actually being you, don’t have nearly as firm a grasp on yourself as you may think. As humans, we tend to have difficulty viewing our own faults, and tend to also play our strengths up as much as possible. When it comes to inserting ourselves into fiction, these tendencies increase insanely - after all, it’s fiction. Everything is meant to be untrue by fiction’s very nature! As such, self-inserts tend to not be accurate portrayals of ourselves as characters, but rather a projection of what we would like to be. It’s too easy for a self-insert to become either a Mary-Sue or a useless piece of cardboard only good for making you feel important. Even if you do manage to pull off an accurate portrayal, most of us have boring lives, and therefore are not suited to deal with what makes fiction exciting in a way that helps move the story along.

Next, we’re looking at romance as a plot. Many things have tried to pull it off, and none have succeeded. Twilight became a national phenomenon among teenage girls, but it’s not good. It’s just a wet dream for girls. Final Fantasy VIII tried to pull it off, but it sucked too. There’s a reason you don’t see Harlequin romance novels sitting at the tops of the best-seller list. Romance in and of itself does not make a good story.

Granted, you do at least try to divert attention from the fact that your story is just there for gratuitous furry dick-slapping, but much like Gary Oak’s girth, the fact simply can’t be ignored.

Thirdly, storytelling must. Be. Consistent. Make sure you don’t contradict what you’ve previously written. This is horribly important. If you can’t even be arsed to make sure that you’ve stayed consistent to the facts you’ve laid out in your writing, how can you expect that your readers will care?

This isn’t even something that you’re only guilty of a time or two; examples can be found all throughout your fic. For example:

"Wait a minute, how can you speak English? I thought you only spoke Saurian?" I asked.

"When you were treating my wounds I searched through you mind and found your native language. But wait, you know about Sauria?" She asked.

These two simple lines are guilty of inconsistency on multiple levels. First off, if she can read his mind and learn his language in a matter of moments, how can she not also learn of how he knows everything he does? Secondly, if she only speaks Saurian and had to learn his language to speak with him, how does she communicate with anyone else? Also, later on in this very chapter Justin meets up with the rest of the Star Fox crew and they have no problem at all conversing with him! Either they already all knew English and Krystal just up and decided that she didn’t need to talk to them or they spoke some other language that Krystal had to learn first, and if that’s the case, they shouldn’t know English.

That’s just one example, too. I have 14 pages in Word Processor right now of various errors found in your story that I copypasta’d for easy reference.

Fourth: voice needs to be consistent, and it needs to fit the situation. Now, most of the time you managed to pull this off well enough. Still, sometimes you have little spells where your voice becomes completely different for no other reason than (I assume) you figured it was necessary. If this was being written in third person, it would be less of an offense, but this is a first person POV story, so you need to keep all description consistent with the main character’s personality. For Justin, this voice would be a rather informal one, since he’s a teenager. However, sometimes you inexplicably just drop a bomb like this:

"Think about what you would tell them, and send those thoughts to my pendant."

"Mom, Dad, everybody. I love you all so much and I want you to know that I'm okay. I have left with Krystal and the rest of the StarFox team. I don't know if I'll be coming back. So I leave these final words in farewell. No one could ask for a better family, and I wish you all the best. If you don't believe me than this pendant right here is proof. Don't worry, because somewhere in the galaxy, an Arwing soars like a shooting star."

Yes, that was pretty and poetic. No, I seriously doubt Justin would be able to compose something so sophisticated in such a short time. That’s the kind of text block that someone slaves in front of for at least half an hour, making sure everything flows perfectly. Realistically, he would have said something like “Love you, Mom and Dad. I know it’s crazy, but I’ll be out in space for a while. Love you, Justin.”

Of course, he would most definitely been less nonchalant than I was, but he wouldn’t have been nearly as stuffy and poetic as he was in the story.

Fifth: PACING. I can not even begin to stress how much your work needs pacing. I raged countless times reading this because PACING DAMMIT YOU NEED PACING. In the first chapter - which lasts like… a day, maybe two - Justin finds Krystal injured, helps her, meets team Star Fox, decides almost on a whim to join them on an intergalactic picnic, and falls in love with Krystal, who returns his affection.

What? Wait, I think I blinked. Did I miss something? How does that happen over a couple days? HOW? If I found an injured blue anthro fox - no matter how hot she was - my first reaction would not be “She’s injured! I must help her!” No, it would be more along the lines of “Holy shit! What is that?” *slaps self in face* “Not dreaming? Fuck!” And then I’d probably scream like a little girl. If a giant starship appeared in my front yard and deposited a team of anthros who offered to let me join them in being intergalactic space mercenaries, I think I’d need some time to think about things. If I met some girl - no matter how hot - I am pretty damned sure WE WOULD NOT FALL IN LOVE OVER THE COURSE OF TWO DAYS.

On a side note, I would like to reference back to consistency. Part of consistency is believability, and believe you me: if Krystal attempted a light speed jump and crash landed on Earth, the government would notice and send someone to check it out. If she managed to slip under the radar, the Great Fox would most definitely not. By the time it had arrived, the area would be swarming with government agents. None of this happens. What?

Now, onto the part that, for no adequate reason, pissed me off the most: verb tense errors. Let me begin with a disclaimer: I am in no way perfect when it comes to verb tense. They are the most common errors I make. Still, I raged so freaking hard at the fact that you could not keep a consistent tense to save your life. I make a mistake here or there in every chapter of anything I work on, but you are incorrigible! You make them constantly, and sometimes even make them in a single sentence! I was almost literally tearing my hair out at all the verb tense mistakes you made. Such as:

A maximum of 4 combatants could battle it out in a single match and whoever is left standing wins.

“Could battle it out…” and “…is left standing…” are different verb tenses. In the same sentence. Holy shit, I’m raging already. I think I’ll leave verb tense alone for now, lest my computer screen wind up with a fist-shaped hole in it.

Anywho, on to that whole deal about keeping things canon. You kinda failed at it, IMO. Granted, fan fiction is one of those things where a degree of interpretation is not only helpful but required, but there’s some things that are undeniably true that you flouted. Arwings cannot jump to light speed. I’m pretty certain the Star Fox characters are actually about ten inches high - though don’t quote me on that. But there’s one thing, above all, that stands out as a horrible offense against the canon. I barely know the Star Fox series, and even I realized what a horrid mistake you made:

"Hey Justin," said Falco before I walked away.

"Yeah?"

"Welcome to the team." Falco said as he gave me a thumbs-up.

WHAT?! At this point, Falco has known Justin for all of TEN MINUTES! They met briefly on Earth, and have now been talking for only a few minutes, and Falco ALREADY ACCEPTS HIM AS A MEMBER OF THE TEAM? No sir. Falco is not in character here at all. This is unforgivable.

Well, maybe I could let it slide. Especially given just how much truth is in this statement:

"My powers have always been strange to others. I felt so lonely when I was younger, and since Fox rescued me from Sauria, they've been treating me like someone who can't defend herself. I sense the same feeling in you."

Oh, that slaps me on the knee. You nailed Krystal right on the head there. Can’t defend herself indeed.

Tl;dr, your writing is bad. You have potential to improve, but you have a lot of work to do. To be quite honest, when I first started, I was about ten times worse than you are now, but I managed to learn what was up. Don’t think you can’t do it too.

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The Shaper

That's quite the review xort. I'm going to have to agree with what he said here. Yes I read it, and another thing I'm not a fan of humans joining star fox or being in relations with anthros. Just saying.

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JCMasterman

Xort...thank you. I appreciate your time on this, it definitely helps. I know now that nothing will stop me from getting better.

Even  so, this story was mostly just a wild thought that came to mind one day. I suppose it's my fault for trying to build on it like I did. Being able to write creatively and grab peoples' attention in the process is one of my dreams in life, so it came as no surpise to me when I saw that the story was bad. I knew it had flaws, I knew it had a rushed romance, I knew it was unrealistic, and above all...I knew that it wasn't the best. It was mostly meant to satisfy my imagination and not necessarily stretch everyone else's suspension of disbelief. I asked myself, ( and I'm sure others have thought of this as well) "I wonder what would happen if I met Krystal?" and before I knew it, I was already typing up ideas. So think what you will about what I'll produce in the future but for now, thank you for reminding me of what I enjoy doing, and how much better I can be.

And what's this about a video review? Tell me you're joking.  :(

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The Shaper

They usually go for written reviews, unless they really hate something. I doubt there would be any romance in the story at all though, but that's just my opinion if all the events did take place. Poor choice of words let me fix that. If the government didn't get involved, if you did help Krystal and didn't freak out when you saw her, I still doubt there would be romance between you two.

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Xortberg

Xort...thank you. I appreciate your time on this, it definitely helps. I know now that nothing will stop me from getting better.

Even  so, this story was mostly just a wild thought that came to mind one day. I suppose it's my fault for trying to build on it like I did. Being able to write creatively and grab peoples' attention in the process is one of my dreams in life, so it came as no surpise to me when I saw that the story was bad. I knew it had flaws, I knew it had a rushed romance, I knew it was unrealistic, and above all...I knew that it wasn't the best. It was mostly meant to satisfy my imagination and not necessarily stretch everyone else's suspension of disbelief. I asked myself, ( and I'm sure others have thought of this as well) "I wonder what would happen if I met Krystal?" and before I knew it, I was already typing up ideas. So think what you will about what I'll produce in the future but for now, thank you for reminding me of what I enjoy doing, and how much better I can be.

And what's this about a video review? Tell me you're joking.  :(

Glad to know you can take criticism. Normally I wouldn't be so harsh in a review, but nobody here or on FF.net was giving you any sort of constructive criticism, so I felt I needed to dole out some harshness. And like I said, it's perfectly within the realm of possibility for you to get better. All that really stands in your way is your willingness to work on your flaws. I'm pretty sure you won't have a problem with that, though.

As for the video review, nope. Not a joke. We plan on making it as ridiculous as possible. It's mostly for shits and giggles, and partly so that the people on here that I might offend will finally be able to put a face to my douchebaggery.

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Guest l Shade l

That's quite the review xort. I'm going to have to agree with what he said here. Yes I read it, and another thing I'm not a fan of humans joining star fox or being in relations with anthros. Just saying.

Yeah me neither bro...  If Humans and Anthro's got together and mysteriously found a way to make love and give birth.... Humanity would cease to exist. Humans+Anthros+Birth to child= Atmans? The thing that I realy didn't like, was the fact that he was a human and he turned into an Anthro. 

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Milkyway64

Yeah me neither bro...  If Humans and Anthro's got together and mysteriously found a way to make love and give birth.... Humanity would cease to exist. Humans+Anthros+Birth to child= Atmans? The thing that I realy didn't like, was the fact that he was a human and he turned into an Anthro.

Of which the circumstances and abilities it granted him (namely, the ability to wipe the floor with Wolf and Leon effortlessly despite Wolf being, well, Wolf.) were also... painful to swallow.

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Guest l Shade l

It hurts doesn't it Milky... Its SO SAD :( THE MOST BAD ASS CHARACTER... WAS BEATEN.... :( [Cries]

ITS LIKE SAYING MARIO WAS BEATEN BY BOWSER... IT HURTS :(

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The Shaper

It hurts doesn't it Milky... Its SO SAD :( THE MOST BAD ASS CHARACTER... WAS BEATEN.... :( [Cries]

ITS LIKE SAYING MARIO WAS BEATEN BY BOWSER... IT HURTS :(

Badass no, a good pilot and not a easy kill, yes.

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JCMasterman

Just a quick note: the final chapter has been uploaded to FF and I hope you all enjoy it. Now that it's behind me, I can work on "Strange Alliance."  :cool:

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Shadow Matrix

Unfortunately, we must push the main review back a little while; it’s taking much longer than anticipated, and with NaNoWriMo coming up my limited free time will be virtually nonexistent. So, while everyone waits for a hopefully hilarious video review, here’s my take on it in text. Keep in mind that everything I say is meant constructively - I want us to all leave here having learned something about writing.

This fic sucks. Bad. I mean, seriously, a self-insert? That’s like… writing’s number one no-no. Never put yourself in a story. Also, if Twilight has done one good thing, it’s knowledge: romance should never be the main plot. You have done both of these. Now, for a story to be good, certain requirements must be met: consistent storytelling, a pleasant and consistent voice, and pacing are all three very important aspects of being a successful writer. You have succeeded at none of them. In fan fiction, it is also important to respect the canon, i.e. keeping characters in-character, keeping the abilities of characters within the bounds set by the source material, and keeping your facts straight regarding anything that needs to be known. You have also failed at this.

Now, time to get in-depth!

We’ll start by going over exactly why self-inserts are bad. In my personal opinion, characters are the most important part of any work. Of course, you and others might believe differently than me, but it cannot be denied that without good characters, it’s hard to enjoy what could have otherwise been a good story. I hated season 4 of Digimon simply because every character in it was annoying.

Self-inserts are bad for this because any time you try to put yourself in as a character, you will get yourself wrong. This is just a fact of life. You, despite actually being you, don’t have nearly as firm a grasp on yourself as you may think. As humans, we tend to have difficulty viewing our own faults, and tend to also play our strengths up as much as possible. When it comes to inserting ourselves into fiction, these tendencies increase insanely - after all, it’s fiction. Everything is meant to be untrue by fiction’s very nature! As such, self-inserts tend to not be accurate portrayals of ourselves as characters, but rather a projection of what we would like to be. It’s too easy for a self-insert to become either a Mary-Sue or a useless piece of cardboard only good for making you feel important. Even if you do manage to pull off an accurate portrayal, most of us have boring lives, and therefore are not suited to deal with what makes fiction exciting in a way that helps move the story along.

Next, we’re looking at romance as a plot. Many things have tried to pull it off, and none have succeeded. Twilight became a national phenomenon among teenage girls, but it’s not good. It’s just a wet dream for girls. Final Fantasy VIII tried to pull it off, but it sucked too. There’s a reason you don’t see Harlequin romance novels sitting at the tops of the best-seller list. Romance in and of itself does not make a good story.

Granted, you do at least try to divert attention from the fact that your story is just there for gratuitous furry dick-slapping, but much like Gary Oak’s girth, the fact simply can’t be ignored.

Thirdly, storytelling must. Be. Consistent. Make sure you don’t contradict what you’ve previously written. This is horribly important. If you can’t even be arsed to make sure that you’ve stayed consistent to the facts you’ve laid out in your writing, how can you expect that your readers will care?

This isn’t even something that you’re only guilty of a time or two; examples can be found all throughout your fic. For example:

"Wait a minute, how can you speak English? I thought you only spoke Saurian?" I asked.

"When you were treating my wounds I searched through you mind and found your native language. But wait, you know about Sauria?" She asked.

These two simple lines are guilty of inconsistency on multiple levels. First off, if she can read his mind and learn his language in a matter of moments, how can she not also learn of how he knows everything he does? Secondly, if she only speaks Saurian and had to learn his language to speak with him, how does she communicate with anyone else? Also, later on in this very chapter Justin meets up with the rest of the Star Fox crew and they have no problem at all conversing with him! Either they already all knew English and Krystal just up and decided that she didn’t need to talk to them or they spoke some other language that Krystal had to learn first, and if that’s the case, they shouldn’t know English.

That’s just one example, too. I have 14 pages in Word Processor right now of various errors found in your story that I copypasta’d for easy reference.

Fourth: voice needs to be consistent, and it needs to fit the situation. Now, most of the time you managed to pull this off well enough. Still, sometimes you have little spells where your voice becomes completely different for no other reason than (I assume) you figured it was necessary. If this was being written in third person, it would be less of an offense, but this is a first person POV story, so you need to keep all description consistent with the main character’s personality. For Justin, this voice would be a rather informal one, since he’s a teenager. However, sometimes you inexplicably just drop a bomb like this:

"Think about what you would tell them, and send those thoughts to my pendant."

"Mom, Dad, everybody. I love you all so much and I want you to know that I'm okay. I have left with Krystal and the rest of the StarFox team. I don't know if I'll be coming back. So I leave these final words in farewell. No one could ask for a better family, and I wish you all the best. If you don't believe me than this pendant right here is proof. Don't worry, because somewhere in the galaxy, an Arwing soars like a shooting star."

Yes, that was pretty and poetic. No, I seriously doubt Justin would be able to compose something so sophisticated in such a short time. That’s the kind of text block that someone slaves in front of for at least half an hour, making sure everything flows perfectly. Realistically, he would have said something like “Love you, Mom and Dad. I know it’s crazy, but I’ll be out in space for a while. Love you, Justin.”

Of course, he would most definitely been less nonchalant than I was, but he wouldn’t have been nearly as stuffy and poetic as he was in the story.

Fifth: PACING. I can not even begin to stress how much your work needs pacing. I raged countless times reading this because PACING DAMMIT YOU NEED PACING. In the first chapter - which lasts like… a day, maybe two - Justin finds Krystal injured, helps her, meets team Star Fox, decides almost on a whim to join them on an intergalactic picnic, and falls in love with Krystal, who returns his affection.

What? Wait, I think I blinked. Did I miss something? How does that happen over a couple days? HOW? If I found an injured blue anthro fox - no matter how hot she was - my first reaction would not be “She’s injured! I must help her!” No, it would be more along the lines of “Holy shit! What is that?” *slaps self in face* “Not dreaming? Fuck!” And then I’d probably scream like a little girl. If a giant starship appeared in my front yard and deposited a team of anthros who offered to let me join them in being intergalactic space mercenaries, I think I’d need some time to think about things. If I met some girl - no matter how hot - I am pretty damned sure WE WOULD NOT FALL IN LOVE OVER THE COURSE OF TWO DAYS.

On a side note, I would like to reference back to consistency. Part of consistency is believability, and believe you me: if Krystal attempted a light speed jump and crash landed on Earth, the government would notice and send someone to check it out. If she managed to slip under the radar, the Great Fox would most definitely not. By the time it had arrived, the area would be swarming with government agents. None of this happens. What?

Now, onto the part that, for no adequate reason, pissed me off the most: verb tense errors. Let me begin with a disclaimer: I am in no way perfect when it comes to verb tense. They are the most common errors I make. Still, I raged so freaking hard at the fact that you could not keep a consistent tense to save your life. I make a mistake here or there in every chapter of anything I work on, but you are incorrigible! You make them constantly, and sometimes even make them in a single sentence! I was almost literally tearing my hair out at all the verb tense mistakes you made. Such as:

A maximum of 4 combatants could battle it out in a single match and whoever is left standing wins.

“Could battle it out…” and “…is left standing…” are different verb tenses. In the same sentence. Holy shit, I’m raging already. I think I’ll leave verb tense alone for now, lest my computer screen wind up with a fist-shaped hole in it.

Anywho, on to that whole deal about keeping things canon. You kinda failed at it, IMO. Granted, fan fiction is one of those things where a degree of interpretation is not only helpful but required, but there’s some things that are undeniably true that you flouted. Arwings cannot jump to light speed. I’m pretty certain the Star Fox characters are actually about ten inches high - though don’t quote me on that. But there’s one thing, above all, that stands out as a horrible offense against the canon. I barely know the Star Fox series, and even I realized what a horrid mistake you made:

"Hey Justin," said Falco before I walked away.

"Yeah?"

"Welcome to the team." Falco said as he gave me a thumbs-up.

WHAT?! At this point, Falco has known Justin for all of TEN MINUTES! They met briefly on Earth, and have now been talking for only a few minutes, and Falco ALREADY ACCEPTS HIM AS A MEMBER OF THE TEAM? No sir. Falco is not in character here at all. This is unforgivable.

Well, maybe I could let it slide. Especially given just how much truth is in this statement:

"My powers have always been strange to others. I felt so lonely when I was younger, and since Fox rescued me from Sauria, they've been treating me like someone who can't defend herself. I sense the same feeling in you."

Oh, that slaps me on the knee. You nailed Krystal right on the head there. Can’t defend herself indeed.

Tl;dr, your writing is bad. You have potential to improve, but you have a lot of work to do. To be quite honest, when I first started, I was about ten times worse than you are now, but I managed to learn what was up. Don’t think you can’t do it too.

Took all the words right out of my mouth bro like for real..  About the part when you said  "Thats pretty and Poetic but I hardly think Justin could come up with something so sophisticated in  a short amount of time. "

To be honest Xort you'd be suprised to see what kids his age and younger could really come up with in a short amount of time. Kids younger then the age of 15 can compose amazing and sophisticated poetry y'know.

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The Shaper

Took all the words right out of my mouth bro like for real..  About the part when you said  "Thats pretty and Poetic but I hardly think Justin could come

up with something so sophisticated in  a short amount of time. "

To be honest Xort you'd be suprised to see what kids his age and younger could really come up with in a short amount of time. Kids younger

then the age of 15 can compose amazing and sophisticated poetry y'know.

Shadow Matrix, meet Xort. He is one of SF-O's "higher intellects" and displays it often.

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Shadow Matrix

Shadow Matrix, meet Xort. He is one of SF-O's "higher intellects" and displays it often.

I can see that, nice to know that they are some serious critics who don't get too soft when critizing the writter's work. Hell I'm glad there are critics like Xort out there. I mean sure they may be rough and they may seem like an asshole but thats because you people who are offended by what Xort say about his writing or about someone else's writing are too senisitive. People like Xort are trying to help the writter improve, if he didn't care about this person's writting he wouldn't have commented about it in the first place. Oh and thanks for the Introduction Emperor :D

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Xortberg

Took all the words right out of my mouth bro like for real..  About the part when you said  "Thats pretty and Poetic but I hardly think Justin could come up with something so sophisticated in  a short amount of time. "

To be honest Xort you'd be suprised to see what kids his age and younger could really come up with in a short amount of time. Kids younger then the age of 15 can compose amazing and sophisticated poetry y'know.

I know they can. I did, or so I'd like to believe. The very fact that this particular line existed in this fic shows that Justin has the ability to write poetically. Still, this was a situation where he was most likely overwhelmed with sensory input, and his mind was probably functioning on complete overdrive. I doubt it had much incentive to focus, at that particular time, on amazing and sophisticated poetry. Even if it did, it would likely have taken much longer than what he took. I wasn't trying to say he couldn't think poetically, but rather that at that point in time, he was horribly unlikely to.

Shadow Matrix, meet Xort. He is one of SF-O's "higher intellects" and displays it often.

I'll take that as a compliment.

I can see that, nice to know that they are some serious critics who don't get too soft when critizing the writter's work. Hell I'm glad there are critics like Xort out there. I mean sure they may be rough and they may seem like an asshole but thats because you people who are offended by what Xort say about his writing or about someone else's writing are too senisitive. People like Xort are trying to help the writter improve, if he didn't care about this person's writting he wouldn't have commented about it in the first place. Oh and thanks for the Introduction Emperor :D

AND God damn it how do you remove the gap of words when writing a paragraph that always happens to me. Anyone know why? I finish a paragraph

and I see another line of words below a really short, incomplete sentence.

I try :D

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The Shaper

I'll take that as a compliment.

It was a compliment, even if it seemed somewhat strange with the " in the sentence.

I can see that, nice to know that they are some serious critics who don't get too soft when critizing the writter's work. Hell I'm glad there are critics like Xort out there. I mean sure they may be rough and they may seem like an asshole but thats because you people who are offended by what Xort say about his writing or about someone else's writing are too senisitive. People like Xort are trying to help the writter improve, if he didn't care about this person's writting he wouldn't have commented about it in the first place. Oh and thanks for the Introduction Emperor :D

Xort didn't write that by himself, Milkyway helped as well so he deserves some credit  but Xort is a pretty cool guy here if your on his good side, if your on his bad side then........He'll unleash his debating fury on you.

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Xortberg

It was a compliment, even if it seemed somewhat strange with the " in the sentence.

Xort didn't write that by himself, Milkyway helped as well so he deserves some credit  but Xort is a pretty cool guy here if your on his good side, if your on his bad side then........He'll unleash his debating fury on you.

I actually did write all that. Milky's help comes into play if we ever get around to the video review.

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The Shaper

I actually did write all that. Milky's help comes into play if we ever get around to the video review.

I'm sure it will be quite interesting if you guys ever actually do finish it.

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Milkyway64

Knowing our motivation, unlikely. :P

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The Shaper

Best SF fanific!! :cool:

Theres better fanfics out there. I'm not here to pass judgment however it's just this topic is almost a year old so next time you decide you post somewhere please read the thread date. If it's over a month you best shouldn't post in it.

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"User"

If the last reply in a topic is older then a couple of months or so it's considered dead and shouldn't be posted in. Of course, there are exceptions like The Journal Zone topics for instance but as a rule of thumb try and check the date of t he last post before giving a reply :)

(And on a side note yes, any fan fiction with Krystal in it is better ;) )

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