Star Fox Legacy

[Shadow Matrix]

Hey guys. This fan-fiction I'm making right here, is not going to involve the casual stuff after StarFox 64. As a matter of fact, I'm going to go back in time and write about the old starfox team. Basically I'm going to explain in my own way of what happened to the whole old Starfox team that was lead by James McCloud, Fox's son. I'm going to explain more about James McCloud, Pigma Dengar and Peppy Hare, and three other members that I added to the old Star Fox Team. This Story will be told first person some times by Peppy Hare because he was the only one who saw almost everything that happened to his team and surrived and was able to tell his tale to Fox McCloud. I'm also going to explain more about Andross, like I'ma make some stuff up about his experiments he was working on and how he became a mad scientist and was eventually sent down to Venom. All that stuff, basically I'm adding my own deals into those plot wholes. Just like how this is a fan fition, it is not real, all though I think it should be, Lol.

Anyway I'ma stop bragging and introduce you guys to the story. Enjoy and post feedback about if you want.

Prologue

" I never thought I'd surrivive out of everyone else.. I don't know if I was just lucky... If the God himself was watching over me. As of right now, the month of December still crushes me inside. The month that had christmas, where everyone was together enjoying life, but for me, it was the month my team lost their lives. I'll never forget the trecherous pig who killed them all... Eagle Daniels, Shard Williams, and James McCloud.... My friends, my brothers.. I'm sorry I couldn't have seen this sooner. I'm sorry to you Fox, that I wasn't the strong Hare you thought I was that could save your father.. I'll never forget them. I'll never stop hunting the Pig who killed them.. I promised to get my revenge and so help me I will hunt Pigma Dengar down until all life in my body is taken from me. As of right now, I hunt him and only him, to avenge my fallen brothers. I will settle the score between me and my former comrade. I will do what is right and allow you all to finally rest in peace...... This is Peppy Hare signing off, personel log number three. "

As Peppy turns off the camera facing in front of him that is recording his voice and movement, the door behind him opens and Fox McCloud enters Peppy's small and solitary bed room. Hearing almost the whole log recorded on Peppy's camera, Fox could feel as if Peppy could still not forget about his past when he was on the StarFox Team with his father James McCloud. He knew the death of James had hurt him greatly. Even with two years passing, it seemed Peppy kept getting reminded of the horrible betrayal which each passing day. Fox had to talk to Peppy so he could feel better.

Fox grabbed a stool that was set next to Peppy's bed and he put it right next to Peppy's rolling chair and sat in his stool. He stared at the side of Peppy's head, seconds passed and he soon tapped Peppy's shoudler. "You alright Peppy? " he asked. Peppy nodded and slid the one tear that fell down his right cheek with his finger. He turned his head and faced Fox. His near light red eyes worried Fox even more. Peppy finally spoke. "Y-Yeah its just that time again. Its the month. " Fox sighed. "The month where your lost your team? " Peppy nodded. "Yeah... I can't let it go Fox... " he said. Fox put his right hand on Peppy's shoulder. "I know Peppy. I know how hard it is for you to move on from that incident. "

Another tear fell from Peppy's eye. "Fox... I remember everything... I haven't forgot one small thing about the incident.. I remember every single last thing... It h-h-hurts... " he said. A tear from Fox's eye fell from his face, he quickly wiped it from his cheek. "I'm sorry Peppy... I miss my dad too. I Miss Eagle and Shard. They were good people who didn't deserve to die the way they did. "

Peppy sighed. "Fox, I'm sorry to tell you this, but... Can I be left alone please? Just for a little while? " He said, his voice breaking.

Fox nodded. "Of course Peppy.. " Fox rose up from his chair. " Be sure to try and get some sleep Peppy. " he said as he started to walk out the door.

Peppy put his head on the surface of his desk and slowly fell asleep.

The night quickly passed away and morning came. Fox woke up from his bed, he quickly got himself dressed and went to Peppy's room to check up on him, the doors to Peppy's room opened and Peppy was not in the room. "Where did he go? " Fox asked himself. He walked away from Peppy's room and headed into the Kitchen. He ssaw Peppy sitting on a chair next to the kitchen table reading a newspaper. Fox walked over to Peppy, he sat across the table from him. "Hey Peppy? " Fox asked.

Peppy lowered the newspaper. "Yeah Fox? " He responded in his normal and regular voice.

Fox smiled. "Good to know you feel better. " Peppy nodded. "Yeah, I just needed some time alone.. Thank you for giving me that Fox. "

Fox nodded. "Hey Peppy... Can you do me a favor? " he asked. Peppy smiled and nodded. "Of course I can, anything for you Fox. What is it? " he said as he rose up his cup of hot coffee and sipped it. Fox gulped. "C-Can you tell me??? " he asked. Peppy laid the cup back on the table. "Tell you what Fox? " he asked. Fox sighed. "Since you remember everything from what happened to your old team. I was wandering, if you could tell me the whole story and not just parts of it like before.. The whole thing.. " he said.

Peppy sighed. "Well Fox... The story is quite long and it is painful for you to hear. I fear you will not take it so well and you will end up like me.. " he said. Fox nodded in denial. "No Peppy I won't.... And the story may be long, but I have the paitence for it, and I can handle any type of pain.. I've gone through a lot of pain before and you know it. I've seen death of my friends and your teammates. I've felt some of your pain. A simple story won't phase me so hard.. Please Peppy, tell me everything... "

Peppy grabbed his coffe and took another sip from it. He slammed his newspaper onto the table. He removed his glasses and looked at Fox in the eyes. "Alright then.. But not so much interuptions.... Okay? And I don't want you falling asleep or you telling me, 'OH ITS BORING FAST FORWARD! ' understand? " Peppy shouted.

Fox nodded. "Yes Sir! " he shouted back.

"Okay then... It all started back, two years ago........................... "

Well thats all for now, thanks for reading and feel free to post any type of feedback.

[chaos_Leader]

Umm... This is being done already, with almost the exact same title, and on a larger scale:

http://starfox-onlin...tar-fox-legacy/

Obviously I can't expect you to stop this if you don't want to, just know that there are others writing things with the same title.

[Shadow Matrix]

Umm... This is being done already, with almost the exact same title, and on a larger scale:

http://starfox-onlin...tar-fox-legacy/

Obviously I can't expect you to stop this if you don't want to, just know that there are others writing things with the same title.

Hmm wow. The one random time I get a reply from a fan-fiction i make, I don't get a review, I just get someone telling me there is another fan-fiction being done with the exact same title. Hmm. Amazing.

I know there is another fan fiction with the same title.. Your point? Its not like the plots of the fan fiction are EXACTLY the same or mostly similar to one another.

[chaos_Leader]

Hmm wow. The one random time I get a reply from a fan-fiction i make, I don't get a review, I just get someone telling me there is another fan-fiction being done with the exact same title. Hmm. Amazing.

I know there is another fan fiction with the same title.. Your point? Its not like the plots of the fan fiction are EXACTLY the same or mostly similar to one another.

Your snarkiness aside, it was a little inconsiderate of me to leave you hanging like that with next to nothing. Let me make it up with a fuller and more comprehensive review then.

You open this with a number of questions regarding what actually happened, namely what you brought up in Peppy's little recording right off the bat. These original characters you've implied, Eagle Daniels and Shard Williams, spark some curiosity. The remainder of what you have so far is basically a framing setup with Fox sitting down with Peppy and Peppy getting ready to tell the story. there's a few typos and homonym swapping incidents scattered about, but nothing overly detrimental. This piece does its job as a hook, but I'd really need to read more before I can glean a more useful analysis from this.

Take care,

chaos_Leader

[Shadow Matrix]

Your snarkiness aside, it was a little inconsiderate of me to leave you hanging like that with next to nothing. Let me make it up with a fuller and more comprehensive review then.

You open this with a number of questions regarding what actually happened, namely what you brought up in Peppy's little recording right off the bat. These original characters you've implied, Eagle Daniels and Shard Williams, spark some curiosity. The remainder of what you have so far is basically a framing setup with Fox sitting down with Peppy and Peppy getting ready to tell the story. there's a few typos and homonym swapping incidents scattered about, but nothing overly detrimental. This piece does its job as a hook, but I'd really need to read more before I can glean a more useful analysis from this.

Take care,

chaos_Leader

Thank you. And sorry for the snarkiness, just reall really tired when i typed that up. didn't mean to like give you attitude, it really wasn't like anything personal to you to be honest. its just obnoxious when i spend like an hour on one part of the fan fiction, then someone just types 1 sentence. whether it is. "GOOD JOB! I LIKE THIS!" "MAKE MORE" or something what you said, it just annoys me. but don't take it personal. Thank you for the review though i appreciate it.

[Shadow Matrix]

Chapter 1: Rebellious Actions

"Like you already know, ten years ago. Your father and I were still enlisted the Cornerian Army after a long 15 years of service. Along with my  comrads, Pigma Dengar, Eagle Daniels, Shard Williams and Sarah Riza. Boy, you wouldn't believe all the adventures and fighting we had when we were a full team of six. I'll never forget the day it all changed, where  poor Andross's trial had occured. " Peppy said.

Waking up and hearing the sound of his alarm go off, the young and muscular hare slowly woke up from his bed and slapped the clock, and turned off the alarm. The hare got up from his bed, his vision being clouded by nothing but darkness, he flipped the switch and turned on the lights. After stretching out his muscles, the hare dressed himslf in his normal Cornerian outfit. He wore a bullet proof vest, under a white t-shirt which was under a large blue and yellow stripped coat. He stomped down on the floor with his heavy reinforced black combat boots, and felt the rough leather on his blue trousers. As headed out his room, he picked up a pistol on top of his drawer, and slid it into his coat. He went outside his room and into the hallway filled with even more lights.

The hare walked down the hallway, his footsteps being the only sound echoing throughout the silent hallway began to aggravate the hare. While walking down the hallway, a door to the Hare's right, slided open and a Young, muscular and tall Fox emerged through the door. The fox wore black sunglasses, along with the same uniform as the Hare, but the uniform was all colored  black, except for the Fox's white T-shirt that was partially hidden by the black coat he wore. The hare smiled as he looked at him.

"How'd you sleep man? " he said.  The Fox yawned and stretched, and then returned the Hare's smile with his own. "Ugg.. Not so well. Been having some crazy dreams. " he said.  "Is it about your son James? " The Hare asked.

"Oh yeah... I'm telling you Peppy, Fox is just like craving to get into a fighter ship and fly. " James said.

"Heh, your little kid is wanting to be like his old dad, you gotta give him some props for that. " Peppy said.

"Props? The kid is 16 years old, and hes like so reckless and over confident.  " He said.

"Hey James.. Weren't you the same?? " Peppy asked. James chuckled. "Shut up man. "

They both took their conversation and walked down the very silent hall together. Seeing no one else in the hallway. "Damn.. Where is everyone?? " James asked. "No idea.... Maybe they're still sleeping or something. " Peppy said. "Hmm, seems like they don't care too much for breakfest. " James said. "Probably, who knows.. I guess the old phrase, 'the early bird catches the worm' doesn't follow their beliefs or something. " Peppy said.

"Is that why you got up this early Peppy? " he asked. "Me?! Oh no I came down here to look for Professor Andross. I didn't come out bed for food. " he laughed. "Well I did, you know your muscles need food. " James said. "Well your brain needs knowledge too. I am checking up on Professor Andross' research. I heard from him he was making something extremely big the other day. " Peppy said. "Really now? Huh, I wonder what crazy thing that old bastard is making. " James chuckled. Peppy looked at James. "Who knows, he might be making a cure for natural diseases  or something. " Peppy said. "

Oh please Peppy. As much as a 'Genius' he currently is, I seriously doubt he'd make that. You know how he is cunrrently focusing on making more destructive weapons now. " James stated. Peppy looked at James and sighed. "Yeah your right.... " James looked at Peppy and frowned. "Ugg.. Sorry man, I didn't want to crush your hopes like that.. "

"Its fine James.. I just want the people I am defending to actually be safe and protected. I mean, we've been fighting the Heretic Wolves for a long time. We've been kicking their asses! Yet, the people of Corneria are extracting diseases from the air. People now have contracted that "Aramien" disease from Macbeth and Fichina. "

"I know Peppy. It sucks too, because no one has found a cure for that disease yet. People are bunring up from fevers. They are becoming insane and becoming succidial and homocidal. Its ridiclous. Hopefully  Andross can make a cure for that, if he stops working on the weapons. "  After finshing his statement, they heard multiple footsteps coming down from the end of the hallway. Many soldiers and residents inside the Cornerian compound ran past James and Peppy. The both of two were completely confused of what was currently happening. James looked at Peppy.

"Whats with all the commotion? " he asked. Peppy shrugged his shoulders. "Not sure.. It was all quiet when we were walking together. Now its all rowdy. Wait a minute. Is that?? Oh hey! Its him. "  James looked around. "Who are you talking about? " Peppy shouted. "Eagle!! "  Then a white colored bird who was running with the crowd stopped and turned around. His green eyes looking around the crowded area for the person who shouted his name. He saw a tall hare and tall Fox with sunglasses. He smiled and walked through the crowd of panicking people and walked towards them. His white fur with red stripes were incrdibly noticeable and even through a crowd, he could be easily spotted.

"Hey guys. Nice morning huh?  People running, screaming and panicking. Best morning ever. " he said sarcastically. James chuckled.  "Hey man do you know what is going on? " He asked. Eagle shrugged his shoulders. "No idea man.  So far what I've heard is that the bastard Professor is being accused of something. " he said.   James' eyes shot up and he looked at Eagle. "Andross? Oh great what happened now? "  Eagle looked at James. "I'll explain on the way, come with me. "

The three of them ran outside the Cornerian Compound. From the area they were in, they could see part of the city of Corneria from a huge distance. Eagle jumped in the driver's side of a jeep, and turned it on. Peppy got in the passenger seat, and James jumped in the back. He pushed his foot down on the pedal and the jeep along with multiple jeeps dashed off towards the city.

"Why are we heading to the City? " James asked. "Apparently, one of General Pepper's men, have gained information that multiple bombs have been planted in the city. They are assuming that Andross has created and planted bombs in the city." Eagle said.

James' eyes darted up and he looked at Eagle. " BOMBS?!! In the city?! "

[chaos_Leader]

Thank you. And sorry for the snarkiness, just reall really tired when i typed that up. didn't mean to like give you attitude, it really wasn't like anything personal to you to be honest. its just obnoxious when i spend like an hour on one part of the fan fiction, then someone just types 1 sentence. whether it is. "GOOD JOB! I LIKE THIS!" "MAKE MORE" or something what you said, it just annoys me. but don't take it personal...

No worries man. I get the same way every now and then, sometimes even worse.

So, from one Legacy writer to another, here's a review:

This felt like an infodumping chapter, using the "As you know, Bob" character dialog format between Peppy and James. Going off on a tangent here: the infodumping method works, but it's boring, like eating plain oatmeal for breakfast; all the necessary nutrients are there, but it's not really much to go "wow!" about. This isn't really a critique of your skill, and has far more to do simply with the nature of infodumping. Getting plot/setting information is essential to the story; one of the major elements that sets compelling, interesting stories apart from the usual drab --the "plain oatmeal" if you will-- is how that information gets out.

One method writers use is simply to not give any (or minimal) information, and let the story unfold in front of the audience, letting them piece the world together from what happens. This is called incluing, or to "clue in" the readers to what's going on. It's not "let the readers make up their own minds" like I hear all the time, but rather "leave the readers a trail of bread crumbs and telltale signs" that paint a certain picture. Done well, it's really cool and intriguing, and hooks the readers into the story like a harpoon; done badly, the readers haven't the faintest idea what's going on, and are hopelessly confused.

Another method is to streamline the exposition process, possibly integrate it more into the plotline without stepping out and having the "As you know, Bob" conversation. There's many many ways to do this, and all really depends the circumstances of the story. One example is to plant the focus characters in a situation where they'd naturally be exposited to, like the ubiquitous Mission Impossible self-destructing briefing tapes.

These are simply options that I'm pointing out that you could use to streamline your expository process, which this chapter seems to be about.