JCMasterman

Star Fox: Strange Alliance

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JCMasterman

We are having a stimulating conversation on fanfics...

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The Shaper

If only they were strange, sadly this is the truth.

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Shadow Matrix

If only they were strange, sadly this is the truth.

Agreed. Not just on this site but on many others.. And IN real life..

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The Shaper

Agreed. Not just on this site but on many others.. And IN real life..

Yeah Star Fox is my favorite game franchise, but our fans are insane. There are many normal ones out there, then there's the ones who hate the change of format assault and adventures brought in, then their are the strange ones who obsess over Krystal who come in different forms such as the fan, the hater (yes the count seeing as they hate Krystal so much they obsess over it), the strange one (the one who is always drawing the yiff), the lover (who loves Krystal so much they actual make comics and fanfics about it, I'm not naming anyone). And there are also fans that see only the "gay" part of star fox.(Once more I'm not naming anyone) They follow the same rules as the Krystal fans.

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JCMasterman

Yeah Star Fox is my favorite game franchise, but our fans are insane. There are many normal ones out there, then there's the ones who hate the change of format assault and adventures brought in, then their are the strange ones who obsess over Krystal who come in different forms such as the fan, the hater (yes the count seeing as they hate Krystal so much they obsess over it), the strange one (the one who is always drawing the yiff), the lover (who loves Krystal so much they actual make comics and fanfics about it, I'm not naming anyone). And there are also fans that see only the "gay" part of star fox.(Once more I'm not naming anyone) They follow the same rules as the Krystal fans.

That's the power of videogames (and the internet) for you.

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The Shaper

That's the power of videogames (and the internet) for you.

No that's the power of fandom. It can be good or bad.

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JCMasterman

No that's the power of fandom. It can be good or bad.

I meant as in the power to influence players and make them fans of a particular character. After all, that's where the exposure starts; then they start building upon the aforementioned fandom.

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The Shaper

I meant as in the power to influence players and make them fans of a particular character. After all, that's where the exposure starts; then they start building upon the aforementioned fandom.

In a way yes but most of the fans see the side they want to happen instead of what actually does.

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JCMasterman

In a way yes but most of the fans see the side they want to happen instead of what actually does.

That's true. Some people can have wild imaginations. (And sometimes strange ones.)

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The Shaper

That's true. Some people can have wild imaginations. (And sometimes strange ones.)

The most notable fans are the ones with weird messed up imaginations, sometimes their the ones who put the interest on the map, but sometimes for the wrong reasons.

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JCMasterman

The most notable fans are the ones with weird messed up imaginations, sometimes their the ones who put the interest on the map, but sometimes for the wrong reasons.

I suppose. But then again it's no less entertaining to visualize what these people come up with in your own mind. I give them credit, because that shows they're not afraid to showcase how they view certain things about their favorite franchises.

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Shadow Matrix

I'm glad Nintendo and the people who make star fox are not Krystal obessed fans and gay homo fans who'd actually

make it so Fox and Falco can fall in love.

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The Shaper

I'm glad Nintendo and the people who make star fox are not Krystal obessed fans and gay homo fans who'd actually

make it so Fox and Falco can fall in love.

If they did, war were declared. (On Nintendo)

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sjrathbun812

Just read the second chapter. it was pretty good.  :)

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JCMasterman

Just read the second chapter. it was pretty good.  :)

Thanks! Glad you like it.

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Xortberg

Just read the three chapters you have posted, and I'm quite relieved to say it is one hell of an improvement as far as both storytelling and grammar are concerned. Still not perfect, but any improvement is worth noting, and in my personal opinion, you've gotten much better since your last fic. Unfortunately, Krystal fics aren't my thing, but you've managed to at least catch my attention, and this is so far a rather decent backstory. It's nowhere near as rushed as the last one was, too, so more points there.

If you haven't got a beta reader, you should get one. While your sentence structure and grammar have improved quite dramatically, I did still notice some errors, so some extra help in spotting them would be nice. I wouldn't be able to survive if I didn't have someone else to proofread my stories, so I know just how helpful they can really be.

The main problem I noticed was the fight scene in chapter three. I have the same problem that you appear to, in that the scenes just aren't descriptive enough for the reader to really visualize without just filling in their actions for themselves. While not inherently bad, a lack of detail in a fight scene can sometimes make the whole thing seem rushed, so watch out.

Other than all that, there's not a whole lot for me to criticize. Your sentence structure, pacing, and voice have all improved quite a bit, and you've always had at least passable grammar. All I can really say is to keep working to improve, and I'm somewhat eagerly awaiting the next chapter.

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JCMasterman

Just read the three chapters you have posted, and I'm quite relieved to say it is one hell of an improvement as far as both storytelling and grammar are concerned. Still not perfect, but any improvement is worth noting, and in my personal opinion, you've gotten much better since your last fic. Unfortunately, Krystal fics aren't my thing, but you've managed to at least catch my attention, and this is so far a rather decent backstory. It's nowhere near as rushed as the last one was, too, so more points there.

If you haven't got a beta reader, you should get one. While your sentence structure and grammar have improved quite dramatically, I did still notice some errors, so some extra help in spotting them would be nice. I wouldn't be able to survive if I didn't have someone else to proofread my stories, so I know just how helpful they can really be.

The main problem I noticed was the fight scene in chapter three. I have the same problem that you appear to, in that the scenes just aren't descriptive enough for the reader to really visualize without just filling in their actions for themselves. While not inherently bad, a lack of detail in a fight scene can sometimes make the whole thing seem rushed, so watch out.

Other than all that, there's not a whole lot for me to criticize. Your sentence structure, pacing, and voice have all improved quite a bit, and you've always had at least passable grammar. All I can really say is to keep working to improve, and I'm somewhat eagerly awaiting the next chapter.

Honestly I didn't expect you to even spit in my direction after what you said last time, really. What makes you come back to reading my stories? What makes you not assume that whatever I write next will be just as bad? I'm sorry but I find it very baffling.

You pretty much put your thoughts on the end of a baseball bat and pummeled me with it in the critique of "A Krystal Encounter",I still thanked you because that's the kind of guy I am. Like I said to you before, I knew it wasn't the best I've written. I'm just saying that if you write stories like I do, you could've at least encouraged the changes rather than make me feel like total shit(excuse my language). Think whatever you want about me Xort because it doesn't matter. Aside from that, I'm glad you liked the new idea and I'll continue to do my best.

P.S. I've never seen what you've written, do you post on FF.net or here?

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Xortberg

Honestly I didn't expect you to even spit in my direction after what you said last time, really. What makes you come back to reading my stories? What makes you not assume that whatever I write next will be just as bad? I'm sorry but I find it very baffling.

I came back to your new story for a few reasons. First off, you accepted my criticism without getting defensive, which meant to me that you were genuinely trying to improve yourself. That, on top of the fact that you obviously possess some talent for this had me intrigued. I was honestly afraid that this story might have been just as bad, but so long as I could tell if you were actually taking criticism to heart, I wouldn't have minded. I'm sorry for being baffling, but understand I have nothing against you, nor do I think you're a bad writer. Like I said, even in "A Krystal Encounter", you were much better than me when I first started out, so I really want you to improve.

You pretty much put your thoughts on the end of a baseball bat and pummeled me with it in the critique of "A Krystal Encounter",I still thanked you because that's the kind of guy I am. Like I said to you before, I knew it wasn't the best I've written. I'm just saying that if you write stories like I do, you could've at least encouraged the changes rather than make me feel like total shit(excuse my language). Think whatever you want about me Xort because it doesn't matter. Aside from that, I'm glad you liked the new idea and I'll continue to do my best.

P.S. I've never seen what you've written, do you post on FF.net or here?

Yeah, I was pretty brutal, but like I said in that topic: no one was pointing out what were, to me, obvious flaws. And as I just stated, helping you improve was the entire reason I started critiquing you, so I bluntly stated my opinion in the hopes that it would get your attention. Obviously, it worked, since you've shown signs of taking what I said to heart.

As far as what I think about you: To put it bluntly, I farking love you. Not only do you have a good/above average grasp on the English language (something that fewer and fewer people are in possession of nowadays), you have the stones to post your work online and take even the negative criticism and use it to better yourself. I myself sometimes have trouble accepting criticism, even if it is constructive, so I can definitely respect that in you. Totally sorry if I ever gave off the wrong impression, but I honestly have no problem with you or your writing.

I have several little short stories on FF.net, but none are Starfox related so I posted links to my profiles there in a topic in Non-Starfox Works. Mostly Kingdom Hearts and Digimon, with a Tales of Vesperia fic in the making.

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JCMasterman

Thanks dude, sorry if I seemed immature and wotnot.  :lol: I really didn't intend to start any kind of argument with my response, and judging by your answer, I can tell that you felt the same. Trust me, I scoured your critique from top to bottom and tried to fit it into my writing; I really hope I didn't miss anything.

Best of luck to you as well in your writing endeavors.  :wink:

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sjrathbun812

I think that everybody here is better at writing then I am...They obviously spend more time on it. So I think I'll stop posting fan fics 'til I get better. I suck at the moment. Lol.

Like Xort  said, I did think the fighting scene was a bit rushed...So I do think you need to be a bit more descriptive. Other then that, I think you are a fine writer. :yes:

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JCMasterman

I think that everybody here is better at writing then I am...They obviously spend more time on it. So I think I'll stop posting fan fics 'til I get better. I suck at the moment. Lol.

Like Xort  said, I did think the fighting scene was a bit rushed...So I do think you need to be a bit more descriptive. Other then that, I think you are a fine writer. :yes:

You shouldn't doubt yourself like that, all it takes is some time away from whatever you do and motivation to edit your work. I admit that it can be challenging at first but finding your style and sticking with it will come with time.

As for the fight scene well...I'm not the best with describing them. I'm wondering if there's even a "method" to writing about them.  :|

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sjrathbun812

Well, keep trying! Guess that go's for me to, huh. Well, everything in the world takes time. You can't expect to start at something and dramatically become an amazing writer. Actually, my sis has been drawing ever since she could pick up a pencil.  She is now 18.  :shock:

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Xortberg

As for the fight scene well...I'm not the best with describing them. I'm wondering if there's even a "method" to writing about them.  :|

I have the same issue. My general solution is to just describe it in far too much detail, then end up pruning the unnecessary stuff to make the finished product. Of course, I rarely write fight scenes to begin with, so I don't run into the problem all that much.

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Milkyway64

I have very little actual writing experience myself not counting overtly long, lulzy forum posts and 2 RPs set 5 years apart, but I still manage to be -okay- at it. In my personal experience, I pull this off with a variant of monkey see, monkey do.  I picked up alot of the tricks and do's and don't's just from watching other works.

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JCMasterman

Hey, just as an update, Chapter 3 is finished. It's called "Soul of the Wolf."

Just in case anyone's interested.  :wink:

And one more thing... Merry Christmas!  :P

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