/ (_)\_( )_\ FOX BECOMES ADDICTED TO CHEESE: EPIC NEW VERSION EDITION
) /\/ _ (o)( The Shining Achievement of All FoxKind
\ \_) (o) /
A desolate planet of pollution and waste. Venom's Voleech City was ugly as rotting paste. As I say all of this, Fox had to make haste. He was scurrying behind buildings and blasting at bots, bursting their circuits as they screamed out 'bleeps' and 'blots'. Made of tech, they were, they had no blood clots. Fox's boots continued to make more trit-trots, as he fox-trotted his way into the Death Weapon Factory. Robot armies followed him inside, could it be that Fox had nowhere to hide?
"I need to destroy these weapons so that Andross won't use them against Corneria" Fox thought to himself. He isolated each in a gravitational field, then set a timer on each one, eventually they'd come out well done. Sooner or later, they bursted into flames, sending scrap metal everywhere, killing the robot armies who had no names. Then Fox got an incoming message from Falco, not Slippy. Man oh man, is that bird ever lippy.
"Andross is here, he's bringing death and fear. Get your ass to Corneria, hurry right now! We can't make cheese, they've slaughtered every last cow! We've even got less freedom here than on Venom, I'm just thanking God that my jacket is Denim" said Falco. Fox jumped in his ship as soon as he could, then set off for Corneria, to restore peace and brotherhood. When he arrived on his homeworld he was not very pleased. The cities were in shambles, even Admiral Z's house of cheese. Cheese had been banned under Emperor Andross's new law. No one could have cheese throughout the land, not cubed nor sliced, not even one strand. Children were crying and wailing in pain, where was Fox when they needed him? No cheese is quite lame! The giant block of cheese atop Admiral Z's had melted down, far down to the ground, trapping Cornerians...wait isn't the earth round?
"Cheese can't possibly be that frickin' sticky. Something's rotten in Wisconsin, and this ain't no job for Slippy" thought Fox. Fox got an incoming message from Wolf, who was flying overhead. He didn't like Fox, he wanted Fox to be dead.
"Hey Fox it's the Wolfster, your people are worthless eaters. We added adhesive properties to the cheese, so now they're all stuck. You'll never defeat Andross cuz face it Fox, you suck. Cheese is for losers so kiss your planet goodbye. All you animals must bow before Andross and die" said Wolf. Sick of all the distress and war, Fox couldn't take it, no not anymore. Fox dropped his cell phone, and began losing his mind. He couldn't take what was happening, even so, saving planets was his 9 to 5 grind. But when all seemed lost, Peppy flew by, dispatching himself with a parachute to the ground, sniffing out trouble better than a foxhound. He got out a long stick of measuring tape, and began charting, graphing, and plotting the melted cheese landscape. Finally he knew just what the Star Fox team should do.
"Ah, dang, I'm gettin' carless. Fox, Gimme a spare Lylation Nova Bomb" ordered Peppy. Fox pulled a Nova Bomb out of his pocket and placed it in Peppy's hands.
"Ah, that be the one. Now watch and learn Fox mah boy" said Peppy. Peppy began strapping on giant mecha-gloves to prevent his hands from getting stuck, then started lifting up the cheese straight off the earth. That took strength, power, and mirth? He rolled up the cheese against the nova bomb, then hastened to a cannon, firing it at Andross's ships one by one. If they wouldn't let Cornerians have cheese then let them have what they took. In the form of planetary defense prepared by a master cook.
"DO A CHEESE ROLL!" ordered Peppy.
"Man, where'd you learn to do that?" asked Fox in amazement.
"I learned it at the Cooper's Hill Cheese Rolling and Wake. It's an event near Gloucester, England, where they roll cheese down hills. Now if you don't mind, it's time to defeat the emperor's evil shills!" said Peppy, rolling up the nova bomb in all of the melted sticky cheese from the demolition of Admiral Z's restaurant. Fox began rolling up a nova bomb in cheese, and freed all the citizens who had been stuck. Then Fox and Peppy loaded up the cannons, taking out each one of Andross's minions. Eventually appeared Andross himself, pissed off as hell, like a wargod-elf. Fox jumped into his Arwing, and prepared to take him down. He wasn't gonna lose his beloved planet to that Planet of the Apes reject CLOWN!
"You will die, just like your father" declared Andross.
"Not over my dead body!" said Fox.
"You do realize the irony and foolishness of your response, do you not, Fox?" thundered Andross.
"I realize that you're going down!" said Fox.
"If I'm going down, then I'm taking you with me" said Andross.
"NEVER!" yelled Fox.
"It is foolish to come against me. You know that I control the galaxy!" said Andross.
"The universe is like waaaay bigger than that" replied Fox. "TASTE CHEESE YOU FREAAAAK!" yelled Fox, firing a cheese laced nova bomb into Andross's mouth. Andross's ship exploded and Andross parachuted himself to the ground, along with his robot buddy and number one confidante and fan...Fantron.
"I have a splitting headache," said Andross. "Why must I always lose?" he wailed, pounding the earth with his fist.
"Master, perhaps next time you should attack your own planet, Venom. Then get everyone to think Fox was responsible. Maybe then your people would finally support you and your unquenchable thirst for war" said Fantron.
"Not a bad idea" said Andross in his evil robotic-like Darth Vader-esque voice. But then Fox cornered Andross, plasma blaster in tow. He looked quite proud, he had put on a good show!
"Correction Emperor. That's a very BAD idea!" said Fox. "You're going to Corneria War Crimes Prison for at least thirteen years, you won't get any cheese, just cheap Norwegian beers!" Andross looked confused.
Later that day...
Fox, Falco, Peppy and Slippy, watching cheese burn in a restaurant founded by a hippie!
"Yay, Fox!" clapped Falco, Peppy, and Slippy, as a giant block of cheese slowly melted under a candle's flames. They all clinged wine glasses together.
"LONG LIVE TEAM STAR FOX. AND LONG LIVE THE GLORIOUS GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING...CHEESE!" they all yelled. The three men cheered and shared a group hug, then devoured more cheese and dived into an oversized apple cider jug. Outside the room was the beautiful Krystal, aspy. She had seen enough, Fox just wasn't her guy.
Note: I took the words "THE END" and made them be out of cheese. Then I rolled them up in an awesomely tasty text sandwich.
/ \ (_, THE END
) /\/ _ (o)(
\ \_) (o) /
Star Fox Chronicles, a two chapter tale
It was a high strung day in the Great Fox Mothership. Everyone in Team Star Fox had been hyper. For one thing, it had been an unusually busy month for them. It seemed as if every five days or so a new alert would pop up on the transmission screen. Whether it was shutting down facilities that had been taken over by the few remaining Aparoids, chasing down Star Wolf, rescuing a planets inhabitants from invading evil forces, or even finding General Pepper's favorite missing uniform badge, the Star Fox team had not been able to catch a break to say the least. So, with that having been said, Fox Mcloud was sitting in the comfy lavish couch of the Great Fox Mothership, attempting to relax. His revenue was not as high as he had initially hoped for, as he had blundered some of his recent missions due to not being able to keep up with all of them. He had wanted to take Falco and Peppy on an extended golfing trip to Fortuna. Fox kicked back on the couch, pulling his socks off and after putting his feet on a stool, he sipped his soda.
"I am going to enjoy this weekend if it kills me, and I do mean that literally" Fox muttered to himself. Just then Falco sat by him.
"Hey Foxster, look I know you're minding your own business Fox, but we gotta talk now" said Falco. Fox spewed his soda out of his mouth.
"Don't tell me, General Pepper's hologram again?" asked Fox.
"No. I just couldn't help but notice that you're lazing around when you said you were gonna repair my Arwing today" replied Falco.
"It's already fixed. I just need to spruce up the fuselage and tweak the engine a bit" said Fox.
"What? You mean you're not gonna fix it today?" asked Falco. "Ha, typical of you, Fox"
"Look Falco, I'm trying to relax here, it's been a stressful week for all of us" said Fox.
"It has? I'm holding together pretty well. Everyone else has been too. Can you pass the potato chips?" asked Falco. Suddenly, Peppy Hare burst out of the upper hallway of the Great Fox and raced downstairs putting on his best coat.
"Enemy ships? Where? Don't start without me!" said Peppy, proving once and for all that the Star Fox team was not holding itself together well at all.
"No! P-O-T-A-T-O. Potato. Potato chips." said Falco.
"I don't get it," said Peppy. "I don't know what those things are"
"Fine then, be that way" said Falco, brushing off Peppy's apparent perceived weirdness.
"We're gonna try to relax today, old man" said Fox.
"Yeah, I guess I am getting old, aren't I?" said Peppy, sighing, and wiping a tear out of his eye.
"Hey you wanna join us?" asked Fox.
"No, I'll be fine, I'm just gonna go turn on the jupebox a bit and sulk around thinking about the past" said Peppy. Fox raced up to Peppy.
"Nah, Pepster. You just need some pep talk. People need pep talk, pep talk is what makes people peppy!" said Fox.
"Pa-pa-pep talk? You're serious?" asked Peppy.
"As serious as I can be. Live up to your namesake! You're not old at all, in fact, you're gonna keep going and going and going forever!" said Fox, handing Peppy a self help pamphlet and four hundred Corneria bucks.
"Those were some of the best fruits of my commissions, old pal. Don't sweat it, buy the little lady something nice with that" said Fox.
"Yeah, hold on a minute, let me count this out. Thanks Fox, you're a swell interstellar feller. Um, as for the lady, what lady?" asked Peppy. Fox shrugged.
"Anyway, feel better Peppy you're not too old" said Fox. Peppy's ears seemed perkier and he sat down on the couch with Fox and Falco.
"I wonder what's on the tube today" said Peppy reaching for the TV remote. Falco turned his head towards Fox.
"So, Fox, about my Arwing. See, Katt Monroe wanted me to take her to Fortuna this weekend to see the ocean. Her craft got eaten by one of
Andross's robots and in just a few hours she's gonna be here" said Falco.
"Can't deal with it," said Fox, helping Peppy figure out where the dubbed Macbethian soap operas were and how to navigate through them.
"Do a-do a, achoo!" sneezed Peppy. Falco jumped in the air, sprawling his feathers everywhere, yelling.
"I'll get you a tissue, Pepster" said Fox, reaching for a tissue. Falco just chuckled mischeviously.
"You were saying, Mr. Peppy?" asked Falco.
"Do a barrel roll! God it feels good to say that after all these years" said Peppy.
"Well, there was that time you were locked in a padded cell saying that over and over, believing you were dictating commands to the team" said Falco.
"Shut up Falco, he overcame his PTSD years ago" said Fox.
"Hey, cool it, I'm on his side. One hundred and ten percent. But Katt Monroe wanted me to take her to Fortuna this weekend, and I can't take her there without my Arwing" explained Falco.
"Grr, oh for gosh sake, I'll go get my tools and head for the docking area" said Fox.
"That's more like it Mr. Fix it!" said Falco.
"For the love of the galaxy Falco, please do not call me that" replied Fox, rummaging through his tool shed.
"Where did I put the spare parts for the attenuator, darn it. Oh, there they are. Never mind!" said Fox, continuing to search for parts.
"Fox, Fortuna's just a half an hour away don't blow this" said Falco. Fox swore under his breath, and muttered angry things in Corneria language.
"Falco please be reasonable, I'm trying to help you" said Fox.
"Peppy, I'm gonna need somebody with your decades of experience to come help me sort this stuff out" said Fox.
"Good, I see the enemy core" said Peppy. Fox's eyes were in shock.
"What did you say?" asked Fox. Peppy laughed. "Nothin, just pullin' yer leg"
Meanwhile, Miyu Lynx was hanging upside down like a bat, she was also playing catch with Slippy using a magic 8 ball.
"Catch the ball you calf-frog!" said Miyu.
"I am not a calf-frog I'm a full grown bullfrog!" said Slippy.
"The day I stop calling you a calf-frog is the day Rob64 stops constantly complimenting me on my perfume!" replied Miyu.
"Then I quit!" said Slippy, sobbing.
"Aww, don't feel bad. Come back. Oh well, I think I'm gonna take a nice hot bubble bath" said Miyu, who was unusually perky and happy for reasons not yet known. Was she in love with someone?
Later...in the darkest corners of the universe...
We join a briefing room within the Grand oblivion Mothership of Emperor Andross, Wolf O' Donnel and Leon. Panther and Pigma were on holiday. Yeah.
"Welcome. O'Donnel and Leon? Front and center! Now then, gentlemen, I, the great and noble Emperor Andross shall have you both realize that this is a fully committed fraternity that relies soley on the upmost strength, integrity, and dedication of its members. As you are both well aware, the Star Fox team is still causing trouble for our beloved Venom and its neighbors. Soon we will be unable to occupy or colonize any planet in need of our services, and I fear that day drawing ever near. Fox and his notorious group of space bandits survived our deliciously unscrupulousattack on Eladard. Here is a detailed schematic of all your failings. Phantron, powerpoint please" ordered Andross. Phantron was a tiny robot who helped Andross for no rewards or monetary compensation because he did a very poor job of helping the emperor most of the time.
"Not that picture!" said Andross, kicking Phantron right in the nuts and bolts. He fell over in a scrap heap. Wolf glanced down at Phantron with a look of pity.
"Does your robot need help, Andross?" asked Wolf.
"Yes, the uncanny assistance of your repulsive face!" said Andross,
picking up a discombobulated Phantron and throwing the train wreck of an excuse for an automaton directly
at Wolf. Wolf fell over.
"Get it off me, get it off me" yelled Wolf, rolling on the floor. Andross rolled his eyes, and pushed a button activating Phantron's torture device.
Phantron began inserting excruciatingly sharp electronic needles into Wolf's body.
"Aaaaaugh. You're horrible, emperor. Horrible!" said Wolf.
"Haha, yes, I know" said Andross with a proud pompus glare.
"Get your insipid machine off me" said Wolf. Leon laughed.
"Don't get your flipping fur all frazzled. I think he likes you. My, this is fun to watch" said Leon.
"Leon, get the robot off of Wolf" said Andross. Leon was deriving sick pleasure from watching Wolf suffer, as usual.
"Leon! You obey the me! The emperor! You fight for the emperor, you live for the emperor, you are a soldier for the emperor, remember?" yelled Andross.
"Yes, Master, sorry. Here Wolf, let me help you" said Leon, pulling the robot off of Wolf's face.
"There, there!" said Leon wiping Wolf's face clean with a napkin from his delectable Planet Borgalort cold beef sandwich, that he was munching on.
"Gentlemen, are you finished? Good. I'll handle the presentation from here onwards. As we were saying, the Star Fox team is still not out of commission. They continue to do their dirty work all across the universe, making it increasingly and relentlessly difficult for us to pursue our goals of interplanetary domination and conquest. The galaxy will never know true might, leadership, and power until we eradicate them and those who approve of their reckless ways. Be aware that the Galactic Federation knows full well that I intend to use some of the populace here on Venom as scientific research projects to create super soldiers for my army, on a strictly voluntary basis of course. I did not want to resort to such methods but your repeated failures have led me to wonder about my own convictions and now I see full well that you two are incapable, incompetant, and downright lousy!You will be sent out my air lock chamber soon if you fail your next mission. Go destroy Star Fox. Seek out, kill, and destroy, and don't come back here until every last Cornerian is brought to me" ordered Andross.
"Your majesty, every single Cornerian? Beamed to your mothership? What for? Are you lonely?" asked Wolf.
"A good soldier doesn't question," said Andross, rubbing his palms together in a contemplative fashion. "Destroy Star Fox and round up every last Cornerian citizen and bring them all to me. Use the Space Dynamics multi-billion dollar Galactic Sweeper Beaming Device I have installed on your ship to do so. This is an order. You do it if you value Venom, and if you value your life!" said Andross with an evil grin.
Back with the good guys:
"It's all fixed up, Falco" said Fox.
"That's great and all, but Katt Monroe was supposed to be here an hour ago, and I can't find my cell phone to call her with" replied Falco.
"Well, that's a problem I guess. But, then again, Peppy's a veteran in need of care and I have to get him his spagetti and meatballs" replied Fox.
"It's ok, Fox. I'll just stick to this baloni sandwich I found in the fridge. It's an old salty dog, just like me" said Peppy, eating.
"oh no!" said Falco, looking out the window with a look of horror. He saw his phone floating through space.
"I'll go get that thing!" said Fox, putting on his uniform and racing to his Arwing. He saw a note that read the following:
"You'll be shot down if you miss a beacon. Gone to watch Miss Laleethia Levanorsi sing Corneria the beautiful at Sargasso. Love, yours truly, SLOB64"
"Slob64, my old derogatory nickname for Rob64. Ha. Anyway, I gotta get going"
Fox reached out of ship while wearing his protective suit and pulled the cellphone back in. He laughed as he read the texts that got Falco's
feathers in a frantic fit.
"Falco, you are such an idiot, such a card" said Fox chuckling. "But I forgive you, you loveable scamp!" he added.
Back in the mothership, upstairs, we join a very kind-hearted bathing beauty in a serene spa-like room full of plant life and statues and meditation CD's scattered about!
The beautiful and impeccable space princess, spa owner, pilot, book author, and well-known Cornerian philanthropist Miyu Lynx was
upstairs in a bubbling and warm hot tub relaxing herself. She had just finished washing her legs with a sponge, watering her plants and had been listening to some really good beepy tech-ish music, if you follow. She took a deep breath, and exhaled, slowly sinking herself into the water.
"Ahhhh, I love everyone and everything" said Miyu. Her pet bird Pindove squawked.
"That's my girl. She loves everyone, and everything" said Pindove.
"Yeah, yes, I sure do" said Miyu in a breathy voice.
"Wait does that mean you love me too? For realz?" said Pindove, blushing.
"Sure does, Pindove. I'd never eat you, cuz I'm just too sultry for poultry" said Miyu. She splashed her hands around in the water happily. Then she looked at her palms.
"I have such incredible hands" said Miyu.
"Hands. Yes. Incredible, maybe. But I'd say flawless and superior"
"Ohhh, Pindove, I am the light, you are the darkness, the world is my seed crystal and Katina was so sublime before the emperor seized it" said Miyu.
"Squawk! So sublime, so sublime" replied the bird.
"I wish this day would never end. I shant ever be happier" said Miyu. Suddenly, her door broke down, and Falco raced through the room yelling in some ancient alien language. Miyu screamed.
"Eeeeep!" shrieked Miyu.
"Where is it?" yelled Falco.
"Eep! Eeeeep!" Miyu screamed again. Falco raced from one end of the room to the other repeatedly, knocking his head against the wall as he did so,
tossing plant pots to and fro.
"Get out of here now, whatever you are, you bad intruder!" said Miyu, throwing a bar of soap at Falco.
"Fa-Fa-Falckie? Falckie is that you?" asked Miyu. Falco took one look at the cute and sweet Miyu in her bikini.
"Falckie, are you okay?" asked Miyu. Falco's eyes were widened, and his right eye was twitching repeatedly.
"Falckie, it's okay Falckie, Falckie? Falckie?" asked Miyu. Miyu splashed water at Falco, causing Falco to go crazy and start looking in all directions
like a chicken with its head cut off, frantically licking and biting his wings.
"No need to get your feathers in a fluster, Falckie. Go back to your post okay, Falckie?" said Miyu. Falco's right eye just kept on twitching, and he finally unfroze his body and broke out of his darn near catatonic state and once again became madly energized, running from wall to wall, giving himself head injuries in the process, until finally he landed in the water, doing a cannonball and splashing nearly all of it out of the tub. As his feathers began feeling the bubbling, he squawked repeatedly, flapping his wings, struggling to swim around to get to the surface as more water flew out of the tub. Finally there was no more water, the room was a swimming pool, and Falco was flopping around like a fish while Miyu tried to reassure him that he was not a fish.
"You can stop now," said Miyu. Falco looked like he was struggling to breathe, Miyu tossed a mint into Falco's mouth and he spit it out in her face.
Miyu put a towel on and ran out of the room, racing down into the living room with Peppy.
"He's lost it, Pepperoni. I was in a vane romantic wonderland until that bird went crazy and barged in while I was having the greatest moment of my life!" said Miyu.
"Wha-what's that?" asked Peppy, who seemed to be in a television induced coma.
"Oh no, not you too" said Miyu
"Huh? Oh, Miyu. Help yourself, there's good stuff in the freezer, I'm just worried about Fox is all" said Peppy.
"Worried about Foxy? Really? What's he up to, Gramps?" asked Miyu.
"It's nothing. He's on a bit of a wild goose chase though, pumpkin.
He's out in his Arwing chasing Falco's cell phone through outer space" said Peppy.
"That...makes...sense" said Miyu in a sarcastic sassy tone.
"It's all part of the sacred Cornerian duty" explained Peppy. Falco came flopping down the stairs, and landed on the floor face-up, opening and
closing his beak repeatedly, and begging for water and pain killers. Then Fox came back in his Arwing, landed, came out, and ran into
the living room.
"Falco, I got your cell phone! Here ya go!" said Fox. Miyu pointed at the bird on the floor. Falco looked dead as a doornail. Fox could not believe his eyes.
"Falco, are you okay?" asked Fox.
"He'll be okay he just needs some good iced tea. Iced tea always helps. Fry him a pancake maybe" suggested Peppy.
"No, don't fry him a pancake, Pepperoni's just messing with ya, he likes to do that, I should know, he and I are close!" said Miyu.
"Well, I think he's probably okay. He was like this when we were room-mates back in the academy sometimes before finals" said Fox.
"Yeah, it's just all this stress, I think" said Miyu.
"We're gonna have to build a monument to him. He was a good feller!" said Peppy.
"You mean like that monument we built for Slippy once when we thought he died? Cut it out Peppy!" said Fox.
"Blur-blur-wing blabbit!" said Falco, speaking jibberish.
"Wing blabbit? He's talking jibberish, that can't be good!" said Fox.
Suddenly, a transmission appeared on screen:
Fox, this is General Pepper. Andross is at it again, he's ordered the Star Wolf team to capture top secret Cornerian military equipment and
sell it on the black market in order to aquire funds to build a doomsday device capable of beaming up every citizen of our planet into
his mothership for some sort of purpose of which we know nothing about. You must head for Corneria at once, it is in grave danger.
I promise your paycheck will be enough to pay the rent.
"Oh my goodness, that's just what I needed to hear" said Fox. Miyu comforted Fox.
"It'll be okay. We'll all get through this somehow" said Miyu. She glanced over at Falco.
"Did he just burp?" asked Miyu.
"Yes, I think he did," replied Fox. Miyu decided to hug Falco.
"You poor poor innocent birdie you didn't deserve this! Foxy woxy found your phone, yes he did" said Miyu, kissing Falco's beak. Falco turned red, and began racing through the ship. Then Fox held up his phone, and threw it behind the sofa.
"Go get it boy! Go get the phone!" said Fox. Falco chased after the phone like a hunting dog, and brought it to Miyu, looking up at her with
intense approbation, honor, and respect.
"Falckie, you've never really acted like THIS around me before!" said Miyu, biting her lower lip. She had only seen him behave this way around Katt or Fox.
"Falco, cut it out. That's your phone, not hers! Snap out of it!" said Fox, snapping his fingers. As soon as Falco heard Fox's fingers snap, he came back to his senses. Then Fox relayed the message from General Pepper, Then Fox relayed the message from General Pepper. They weren't required for another hour or so, so Falco took a bath to relax.
In Falco's tub:
Falco was lathering his feathers when suddenly a giant machine arose from the water. It was the Blue Marine in its primitive state. Slippy
had been testing it out in the hot tub, but this time it was on purpose to help Miyu get revenge on Falco.
"Oh crud, jeez laweez, what the heck is that?" said Falco. The machine chased him, taking photos of his tail feathers as he ran. As Falco raced downstairs
in a fit yet again, Miyu and Slippy laughed and high fived each other.
"Put her there, you big bad bullfrog you!" said Miyu to Slippy.
THIS STORY HAS TWO CHAPTERS! GO TO CHAPTER 2 NOW! Lol. Or get yourself a cup of coffee first.
Pepper was seated in his office, chomping roughly on taffy and assorted candies. The walls were lined with
quotes from many past Cornerian generals. He seemed rather cool and collected, but hiding underneath that
exterior was a ferrocious commanding warrior hound with an incredible spirit. Pepper and Peppy often tossed back various strategies
to one another, then relayed them to the rest of the team.
"Good day, Peppy. I've worked out something that should prove to do well for the team's effort. If you have any questions, just ask" said Pepper.
"Howdy. Well, alright then" said Peppy, seating himself directly opposite Pepper. Pepper slid over a piece of paper detailing the route he determined that the team should take.
"What do you think? Does it meet your satisfaction?" asked Pepper.
"Well, I'll tell ya one thing it meets sir, it meets mah eyeballs" replied Peppy.
"Still working it out, I see. Have some taffy, good for what ails ya. In fact, one of these taffies before the toils of war saves us from gallons
of blood on the battlefield, I swear by it to this day" said Pepper. Peppy unwrapped the taffy that the general gave to him and began chewing it while
looking over the strategy.
"Sir, I-I-I," Peppy could not finish his sentence.
"Out with it you blasted bunny rabbit, what is it?" yelled Pepper, slamming the desk.
"Well sir, it's just that I have an idea for a minor alteration to your plan" said Peppy.
"What's wrong with it?" asked Pepper. Peppy pulled out a small crayon and began drawing over things, and then showed Pepper the piece of paper.
"You think the team should go to Fortuna before Macbeth? You're mad!" said Pepper.
"Listen sir, I know there's a lot of gigantic dinosaurs on Fortuna with helmets and shields and if we could conquer Macbeth first and take back that weapon Andross stole from your artillary base, we'd have a better chance against the dinosaurs. Also, think about it, it's a sneakier way to approach Venom, I happen to have stolen some of Andross's plans, and he's expecting the Star Fox team to take the first route, not the third" explained Peppy. Pepper looked over Peppy's new plan.
"Bravo, sir. But hogwash. Are you blind, bunny boy? I wasn't planning on taking the team through the first route, in fact my spies
fed Andross the phony intelligence that we were gonna go that way. Though I commend your sense of strategy, you're overlooking an important detail. We don't have enough fighters to
deploy to free the rest of the galaxy. Also, if you look over my notes and blueprints you'll see that Fox will enter the black hole after
setting out from the second route. Bottom line, we don't have enough fighters yet!" said Pepper.
"Yes we do. I read in the Widow's Nebula that some members of Star Wolf have defected from Andross and are willing to help" said Peppy.
"That's a bunch of hooey I don't believe it for a second" said Pepper, spitting his taffy in anger.
"well, I see your point, General" said Peppy.
"I should hope you do, sir. Content of character is very important to me. I've dealt with enough turncoats and traitors in my day" said Pepper.
"What if I cloned myself into some kinda fancy souped up super weapon?" asked Peppy.
"It is the unconquerable soul of a soldier, not the nature of the weapon he uses, that insures victory" replied Pepper.
"Well I'll be, the unconquerable soul of a soldier, how bout that. Guess that's why we're outnumbered" said Peppy.
"What did you say? Listen Peppy, my plan will work with some tweaking. The second wormhole in the Asteroid belt leads to a timeline in which
our military is much more advanced" said Pepper.
"I see. Well, maybe I'm just getting too old for this. How bout a corn dog and a cold beef sandwich?" asked Peppy.
Peppy began devouring his corn dog ravenously.
"Yeehaw, lord bless mah soul, this is the best meal I've ever eaten" said Peppy.
"It may be your last. Eat heartily" said Pepper.
"Well, I'm on my way now. Gotta go relay all this stuff to the team" said Peppy, getting into his Arwing.
"Wait sir, I forgot to warn you of the warphole to Fichina on your way back to the Great Fox...oh well" said Pepper.
As Peppy left, his only regret was that he failed to share his new chili recipe with the general.
In a dark room, sitting at a table, the SF team planned their mission. Each member was sipping coffee and soda and enjoying themselves, for a while,
then they began to wonder what was taking Peppy so long.
"Where's the Pepster? I kinda miss him a little" said Miyu, pressing her nails against the table.
"He's probably getting the map from the general. It should outline our course for this mission" replied Fox.
"I think we should go the third route this time and take Andross by surprise" suggested Falco.
"The last time we took the third route I had a disasterous experience with Wolf O' Donnel" replied Fox.
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that Fox. I really need to learn to shut my big beak" said Falco.
"Yeah, ya do!" said Fox.
"Ca-ca-ca-can I say something?" asked Slippy.
"Sure, Slip!" said Fox, flipping a quarter in the air and making it land on his nose. He then began spinning it on his nose.
"I just wanted to say that I'm glad we're all here and that we should be thankful we have each other" said Slippy.
"Yay, hugs all around!" said Miyu. Falco groaned, but Fox just chuckled.
"Anything else, Slippy?" asked Fox.
"Well, I was just gonna agree that trying to one up Andross by taking the third route might not be the best idea, there
are black holes and time warps and things on that third route" said Slippy, stuttering. Miyu sipped her soda.
"Peppy's late, he's usually here by now to chart the course and show us where we're going" said Miyu.
"You know how Peppy is," said Falco. "He's probably asleep in a luxury hotel on Eladard or something. Peppy is anything but his namesake!"
"Don't trash Peppy. He's the smartest, most wise and considerate guy I've ever met in my life, second only to you, Falco!" said Fox in a sarcastic tone.
"Bushy tail, you earned yourself a cold beef sandwich!" said Miyu, tossing Fox a sandwich.
"Thanks Miyu, this is delicious!" said Fox, taking a huge bite out of his sandwich. Miyu snapped her fingers, and another sandwich fell into the room.
"There was more where that came from. Who else wants some sandwiches?" asked Miyu.
"I sa-sa-sa-sorta want one. With some ba-ba-ba-ba-barbecue sauce, that'd be nice" said Slippy.
"So you want barbecue sauce manufactured by the sheep people of the Baa Baa Galaxy or what?" asked Falco
Later, after much sandwich eating soda sipping fun...
"Well, Peppy isn't coming apparently, I tried to communicate to him on the messenger and his screen went to static!" said Slippy. But Falco was playing cards with Robert, and Fox and Miyu were having too much fun feeding one another to pay attention to Slippy.
"Pour me some more Ginger Basil Grapefruit spitzer, Miyu!" said Fox.
"Coming right up, your majesty" said Miyu, pouring Fox's drink. Fox guzzled it down, as Miyu deposited a grape in his mouth. Then she poured more
spitzer into his glass, and into her glass as they toasted.
"Some cheese with it?" asked Miyu.
"Cheese would be great, you know in case you didn't know I love cheese" replied Fox.
"To a long long riveting romance" said Miyu putting on a pretend accent of some sort, as she and Fox toasted again.
"I gotta hand it to you Miyu, you're great at arranging little get togethers like this!" said Fox. Falco could not stop chuckling, and Slippy was
about to panic.
"I don't arrange the get togethers mah lord. They arrange me, but then I get back at em and one up em with my devout sense of preperation and
servitude to the cause!" said Miyu.
"Yeah, well, you're the best Miyu. Say Falco, we should all get together like this more often" said Fox.
But Falco was playing cards:
"Two aces, Rob!" said Falco. Slippy thwacked Falco with a frying pan.
"Tell Fox and Miyu to get their ba-ba-ba butts into high gear now!" said Slippy.
"Oh, okay. Yeah, good point" said Falco.
"Tell them, now! Peppy's screen is static, his ship might have been shot down for all we know" said Slippy.
"Okay Slip. Say Fox, have you forgotten something Fox? This is not a get together. It sure as hell wasn't arranged by Miyu! And the fate of the galaxy is at stake here.
Is there something about cheese and grapefruit spitzer that sends you two off the deep end or something?" asked Falco.
"The deep has no end, it keeps unraveling itself with one more tangled web, each getting more tangled and intricately woven than the other" replied Miyu.
"Hahaha, my sentiment exactly," replied Fox, slamming the table with his fist.
"Oooh, careful Foxy. Careful!" said Miyu.
"We're doomed!" said Slippy.
"Not necessarily. I've got a bullhorn for these silly tipsy whipsies!" said Falco. Falco used his bullhorn.
"YOW! Falco, what are you doing?" yelled Fox.
"Trying to bring you back into reality. Things are actually pretty grim right now we don't know where Peppy is!" said Falco.
"Alas, poor Peppy," said Miyu, leaning back and staring into her fancy glass.
"Remember that one time when he didn't show up till morning?" asked Fox.
"Yeah, I do actually. But we should probably go meet with the General on his ship and get an update just to be safe" said Falco.
So the team got their act together and flew their Arwings to meet with General Pepper.
"Hello team. All the intelligence data and indications are that Peppy has gotten himself stranded on
Planet Fichina in the middle of a blistering snowstorm! He doesn't even have a coat!" said Pepper.
"What do you suggest we do sir?" asked Fox.
"I don't suggest. I give orders.
I order Miyu and Slippy to head towards Fichina, while Fox and Falco go and take out the Attack Carrier that has invaded Cornerian airspace" said
General Pepper. Fox gave a military salute to Pepper.
"Yes sir, Pepper sir" said Fox. He and Falco raced to their Arwings. Miyu and Slippy hesitantly teamed up, and went to their respective ships.
We join Miyu and Slippy:
"So, Slippy, this might be our first mission together, huh?" said Miyu.
"Blurbitt!" replied Slippy. Miyu moved the Crystal Stick into gear and steered the ship into Fichina.
"Blurbitt, huh? I like that actually" said Miyu. Suddenly, something came over Slippy as they entered Fichina's foggy atmosphere.
"You missed a gold ring!" yelled Slippy trying to take charge of the Arwing's control pad.
"No I didn't, Slipster what the heck are you doing?" yelled Miyu. Slippy sent the ship hurtling towards the ground, and Miyu jumped out and grabbed
Slippy with her in a parachute. They both hit the ground and watched their Arwing blow up into smithereens.
"Slippy, what was that?" asked Miyu.
"I think it's just my allergies" replied Slippy.
"Oh, yeah, terrific, Slipknot. You do realize you just got yourself the pink slip from me" said Miyu.
"Is that a reward?" asked Slippy.
"No, it's um, like, the opposite?" said Miyu.
"You mean I'm still a calf frog in your eyes? Even after the little trick I hel[ped you orchestrate?"
"Oh, Slippy, I'm a lynx, you're a frog, you know?" said Miyu.
"Fair point" conceded Slippy. Miyu held Slippy's hand and attempted to comfort him as they trudged forward into the snow towards the red dot
on their radar.
A giant missile nearly hit Slippy and sent him flying off far far away.
Miyu entered the base, shown as a little red "dot" on her GPS navigator. She zapped all the guards with her ray gun and freed Peppy who was in a giant
"Pepster Pops, you're alive!" said Miyu, hugging Peppy.
"Yeah, well hold on a minute pumpkin puss, I gotta check my pulse. Yeah. I'm still alive" replied Peppy.
"Peppy, we've gotta find a way off of this planet. Did the baddies take your Arwing?" asked Miyu.
"Remind me what a-what a...Arwing, as you call it, what is that thing anyway?" asked Peppy.
"Oh, Peppy. You know what an Arwing is. Let's get out of here and get lunch!" suggested Miyu.
Miyu and Peppy went to the Fichina Diner.
"Miyu and Peppy, your tables are ready!" said a voice. Miyu and Peppy raced to their tables. Peppy looked over the menu. The waitress came over.
"Hi, my name is Bloomeelia Glowdentissa, I'll be serving you today, how can I help you?" asked a cat girl in a maids outfit.
"I'll have mashed potatoes with gravy and some beans" said Peppy.
"Fichina's finest! And how may I help you?" said Bloomeelia, glancing at Miyu.
"Grapefruit," said Miyu. "Just...grapefruit!"
"Good choice! My friend Rallassa almost exclusively orders grapefruit here every time! I'll be right back!" said Bloomeelia.
"So, Miyu, I've been thinkin, you know I have this chili recipe I'm thinkin' about perfecting once the war is over" explained Peppy.
"Oooh, that sounds heavenly. Do tell me more" said Miyu, batting her eyelashes and gazing into Peppy's eyes.
"Yeah. I'm thinkin' it needs some good ol' fashioned old time Cornerian spices" said Peppy.
"Can't have enough of those," said Miyu, filing her fingernails.
"Yeah. Some thyme maybe. Meatballs!" yelled Peppy, slamming the table. Bloomeelia came back with the mashed potatoes and grapefruit.
"Thank you kindly Miss" said Peppy.
"Yes thank you, rock on!" said Miyu.
"You too, funky soul sister!" said Bloomeelia.
"Do you and her know each other?" asked Peppy.
"I ran into her once back in Academy. She dropped out early on though to become a sorceress" said Miyu. Miyu pressed the grapefruit against her mouth and
nose and buried her face in it, soaking in the divine goodness of the moment.
"Anyway, so I've got this chili thing all planned out" said Peppy.
"Is your rabbit friend okay?" asked Bloomeelia.
"He gets like this. His memory is fried" replied Miyu.
"Well, I'm a sorceress and if I know one thing about memory, doing a special thing you haven't done in years usually gets your memories
jogging like biscuit fueled fiends!" said Bloomeelia.
"That gives me an idea of how we'll get the Arwing back from that base!" said Miyu.
"Peppy, you know your Arwing is in there, just because it's heavily guarded doesn't mean we can't get in there" said Miyu.
"So many guards. Course, there are those barrels over there" said Peppy.
"Exactly," replied Miyu. "We're gonna have to do it"
"Get who to do what?" asked Peppy.
"We're gonna do a barrel roll gosh darn it! I've waited my whole life for this chance" said Miyu.
"I'm too old, Miyu" yelled Peppy.
"No you're not!" said Miyu.
"I'm not?" asked Peppy.
"No, I think you're as prepped, ready, and as peppy as you've ever been" said Miyu, pushing Peppy into a barrel. She got into the barrel with him.
"This is a tight squeeze. Crammed in here, but not bad. Not bad at all actually" said Peppy. The two began rolling down the hill, and they sent most
of the guards running home, flattening some, to a degree. The barrel finally smashed into a wall and broke open.
And there...in the midst of all...was the Arwing of Peppy, inside the base. Miyu and Peppy raced into the base.
"Well, we did it, we did a barrel roll together" said Peppy, brushing off his pants.
"Oh, Peppy. What would Vivian Hare think?" asked Miyu.
"Who?" said Peppy, confused.
"Ugh, do we need to do another barrel roll?" yelled Miyu.
"I don't know but it never pays to underestimate Star Fox, that's for sure" said Peppy. Peppy was about to get into his Arwing
with Miyu and fly off into the
sunset when suddenly the dome like base's doors automatically shut, and a vortex appeared.
Wolf and Falco came out of it.
"Well well, look what the monsoons brought in. You know it's rather fitting that it end like this, as this planet
is now the headquarters of Emperor Andross's entire base of operations. I'm only telling you this because I'm confident
we will defeat both of you" said Wolf, putting out a cigarrette. He held a ray gun up to Peppy and Miyu and proceeded
to tie them up.
"You'll never get away with this, Bird Man and Wolf" said Peppy.
"Falcky's joined up with Wolf and Andross? What the heck is going on?" said Miyu.
"That can't possibly be Falco, his feathers are too ruffled" said Peppy.
"No, it's really me. Been tempted to do this for ages, Fox always tried to one up me, he
thought he had the upper hand of the deck, but now I'm the ace of spades. I now know the truth, that
Pepper's been playing you all for fools and has you all eating out of his paws like termites, he broke the deal
he had with Andross, not the other way around" said Falco.
"Oh please, next you're gonna tell me Fox Mcloud's father actually died of cheese addiction" said Peppy.
"Yeah, I'm sure some guy named Ben Cheese had something to do with it" said Miyu.
"Please don't hurt us!" said Miyu.
"Sorry lady, this is just our duty" replied Wolf.
"Yes, Andross knows what he's doing" said Falco.
"You see what's happening here? The bird finally started using his brains. You two can make up for your shortcomings if you so desire, I'm
perfectly willing to get you two on my side as well, though I doubt you'll take me up on the offer" said Wolf.
"I'd rather be put in a zoo!" said Miyu.
"I'd rather be forced to deliver candy door to door in a bunny outfit" said Peppy. Falco groaned. Wolf continued speaking.
"Cornerians are going to soon be upgraded, and those who refuse will be immediately terminated" said Wolf.
"Upgraded? You mean experimented on and treated like an animal, right? Not gonna happen Wolf" said Peppy. Wolf pulled
out a remote and activated a trap door with a growing wormhole underneath. He used the remote to lower the pillar Miyu and Peppy were tied to further and further down, hoping they would fall victim to the wormhole wherein Andross would kill them. He began mocking them.
"Hey, no sweat dear fellows. Trust your instincts, don't ever give up, hahaha" chuckled Wolf. Wolf then got in Peppy's Arwing with Falco and was just
about to take off, when Miyu began chewing on the ropes with her sharp teeth. She cut Peppy free the same way, and grabbed
on to him just as he was about to fall into the hole. They began blasting inside the Arwing, causing the entire machine
to start flashing. Wolf and Falco evacuated the ship and it burst into flames.
"Congratulations, you destroyed your own ship!" said Wolf.
"Not so" said Peppy, texting Pepper on his phone. A vortex opened and a fresh new Arwing appeared.
"What the heck?" asked Wolf.
"It pays to eat out of Pepper's paws, Wolf. But it doesn't pay to eat out of the hands of Emperor Andross, who's
about to get his just desserts by the way" said Peppy, getting into his Arwing.
"Take me with you" said Miyu, gazing into Peppy's face with starstruck eyes.
"No, I'd feel too bad if something happened to you" replied Peppy.
"Please, Vivian Hare's dead, and I...love you" said Miyu.
"Oh, alright, if it means that much to you, I'd rather die with you than anyone else" said Peppy. Peppy
and Miyu got into the Arwing, and flew into the wormhole to meet up with Andross. Wolf and Falco
got into a seperate ship and followed in pursuit.
The Final Battle Begins:
Sure enough, there was Andross, complete with his diabolical mechanically constructed new face and metal hands.
"The lynx and the rabbit, I'm not used to this. Very well, I'll destroy you both just the same" said Andross, as he
began attempting to send enourmas blocks of energy towards Peppy's Arwing. Peppy fired many shots into Andross's hands
destroying both of them. Finally Andross attempted to suck the arwing into his mouth.
"Peppy, what do you do in this situation? Remember? You DO A BARREL ROLL!" said Miyu.
"Understood, my precious lynx!" said Peppy, who made the Arwing do many consecutive barrel rolls succesfully avoiding
Andross's sinister clutches. Finally Peppy began blasting the flashing red eyes of Andross, and Andross's face-ship split
into pieces, leaving only a box with a giant brain inside of it. Peppy fired a nova bomb at it and it exploded. Miyu kissed Peppy's cheek and Peppy
felt very relieved to be back in the game, and also incredibly amazed and amused, as he had defeated Andross for the first
time with no help from Fox whatsoever.
"Fox probly still thinks Andross is on Venom" said Miyu jokingly.
"Yeah" said Peppy. "We rock!"
"What about Wolf and Falco though?" asked Miyu.
"Just got a text from Pepper. They've been taken into custody. Falco was exposed to a brainwashing helmet.
The effects will wear off soon enough" said Peppy.
We join Falco and Katt in their apartment.
"I can't believe I fell for Andross's garbage" said Falco.
"It's okay, chickie poo. Your feathers have been ruffled enough. Come lather my fur why don't you?" said Katt.
"Gee thanks, I think I'll pass for now" said Falco.
"So, are you gonna take me on that vacation to Fortuna in that delicate ship of yours?" asked Katt.
"Yes, but don't call it delicate that diminishes its value. Let's go, Katt!" said Falco.
"Wow, Peppy, I'll never consider you an old timer again" said Fox.
"Congratulations to you and Miyu!" said Slippy.
"Next week we're getting married" said Peppy.
"I think I'm gonna cry" said Slippy.
"I'm gonna cut the cake now. Know what it says on it?" asked Fox.
"What?" asked Peppy.
PEPPY WANTS YOU
TO DO A BARREL ROLL
Greetings, fellow Cornerians I am here.
Hello everyone. ^^
My name is MidnightMike, and I'm here to show you my tribute animation to the original Star Fox, which celebrated it's 25th anniversary this past March.
I know it might not be as good as you were hoping, but I had fun making it. Here it is. :)
By Robert Monroe
The rant has been moved to a new thread due to post length limitations in my OP here.
Read the rant >HERE. DO NOT POST IN THAT THREAD. IT IS FOR READING PURPOSES ONLY. ALL DISCUSSION OF ASSAULT AND MY RANT SHOULD BE HELD HERE.