Robert Monroe

Starfox Assault MEGA RANT. Rob lays down the law at long last.

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AlGore'sleftshoe

"You all just hate me because I'm new!"

 

  • Personal Text:Your pathetic opinions are isignificant

 

Uuuh huh. Yep. That's exactly what our problem is. You being new. Yep.

 

Has nothing to do with the fact that you've been outright told by mods not to double post and up above you deliberately did so and acknowledged that fact either.

 

Forums aren't that hard to figure out bro

so your trying to imply that I care, and that "My taste in anime is better than yours." is any better than my own personal text? If it hurts that much I can change it, if you can do the same with yours. see what I did there? yeah. being a hypocrite doesn't make you better.

Joseph,

They were always the same game? You mean to tell me Namco wasted 3 years on it!?! That is just some lazy development from Namcos side -.-

 

At least with Adventures, the team behind it actually put in effort lol

Effort? the graphics and fighting gameplay was impressive, but the Arwing and action adventure meld DID NOT work well AT ALL, it felt like two TOTALLY different games. at least in Assault the vehicles and jumping in and out seemed to have worked very well, at least well enough to where they can bring in some interesting mission concepts, it just needed more sophisticated mission objectives. Point an shoot like in previous StarFox games just won't work anymore. come to think of it, I want StarFox to be more like Mercinaries X BattleField 3 rather than Halo Reach.

As for the multiplayer for StarFox, I'd like to see a combination between 643d multiplayer and StarFox Assault multiplayer, but be able to build custom maps. *Speaking of Halo Reach; Forge. But obviously the objects used in construction should be huge; made to be built around for the Arwing and LandMaster, and perhaps other included vehicles. like being able to build a super structure you can fly around tunnels inside with the Arwings or Wolfens, and Drive around in a LandMaster through various terrain, imagine fortifying a large building, having players in LandMasters rolling around in crevasses along the building's exterior, gunning down as other players on the other team fly in with Arwings or LandMasters and try to attack them from inside out?

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Drasiana

 

They were always the same game? You mean to tell me Namco wasted 3 years on it!?! That is just some lazy development from Namcos side -.-

 

At least with Adventures, the team behind it actually put in effort lol 

 

Keep in mind a lot of that development time pre-Assaultification would have been on the arcade counterpart, and after the arcade version was scrapped they probably had to significantly redesign the game to work as a single player, regular ol' video game. I think they also had less manpower for it than Adventures got, but don't quote me on that.

 

They probably could have done better with it (there is NO EXCUSE for some of that dialogue holy hell) but there were just a bunch of clusterfucky factors surrounding it, I don't want to say Namco on their own was entirely at fault so much just the circumstances of development.

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ArwingFan

Leftshoe, you antagonized the guy on youtube and SFO you're not completely innocent. That said don't get so depressed over a game. You can still enjoy and appreciate Assault, Rob isn't going to jump out of your computer screen and burn your copy of it.

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AlGore'sleftshoe

 

 

 

Keep in mind a lot of that development time pre-Assaultification would have been on the arcade counterpart, and after the arcade version was scrapped they probably had to significantly redesign the game to work as a single player, regular ol' video game. I think they also had less manpower for it than Adventures got, but don't quote me on that.

 

They probably could have done better with it (there is NO EXCUSE for some of that dialogue holy hell) but it was just a bunch of clusterfucky factors surrounding it, I don't want to say Namco on their own was entirely at fault so much just the circumstances of development.

 

hire voice actors that DON'T use stupid cartoony voices? lol

I don't really think it was that much of a clusterfuck, I thought it came together reasonably well, my only real complaint for most missions is that I want more sophisticated MISSION OBJECTIVES.

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Drasiana

hire voice actors that DON'T use stupid cartoony voices? lol

I don't really think it was that much of a clusterfuck, I thought it came together reasonably well, my only real complaint for most missions is that I want more sophisticated MISSION OBJECTIVES.

 

It was literally a cartoon, so no. If they'd had the budget for it they should have spent more time with the voice actors they did have since it sounds like they made them cram through their lines in an hour with no room for retakes (there's a few pieces in the game with completely flubbed lines). Most of the more pressing issues that a bit of development time/budget could have fixed have already been addressed.

 

By Rob.

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AlGore'sleftshoe

Leftshoe, you antagonized the guy on youtube and SFO you're not completely innocent. That said don't get so depressed over a game. You can still enjoy and appreciate Assault, Rob isn't going to jump out of your computer screen and burn your copy of it.

LOOK PEOPLE; SEE THIS THREAD DESIGN? AS SOON AS I SAY SOMETHING I HAVE TO REPLY TO SOMEONE ELSE, I DON'T HAVE THE PATIENCE TO JUMP BACK AND RE-RE EDIT A COMMENT.

I've ALREADY SAID that I trolled him, but like I said a thousand times before he said a lot of colorful things too. depressed? I am moderately depressed yes, but to be childish and be depressed over a stupid vidya game? yeah I love video games with a passion, but I NEVER took his argument seriously, hell I said before it was a joke to me.

it just annoys me on how people accuse me of stating my opinions as facts. *I don't do it like that, but that doesn't mean I have good reasons to think the way I do about it*, but claiming he is "Doing justice", nothing makes me want to speak up more than an ego. I'm sorry but I just don't like that kind of ego. I'm not going to pretend he doesn't exist if he comes to me on things either, if he gives his input on my posts, ignoring him is just flatout rude, arguably almost as bad as saying. "Oh lol, your silly." ~ I KNOW i'm not the only one who's done that here.

I'm going to make a point to counter him if I disagree, and if I do agree I will share my own thoughts on the matter and how I do agree with him on his remark. Opinions vary, opinions fight, opinions are like onions apparently, if you cut them up too much they'll make people cry.

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AlGore'sleftshoe

It was literally a cartoon, so no. If they'd had the budget for it they should have spent more time with the voice actors they did have since it sounds like they made them cram through their lines in an hour with no room for retakes (there's a few pieces in the game with completely flubbed lines). Most of the more pressing issues that a bit of development time/budget could have fixed have already been addressed.

 

By Rob.

Sargasso is one of my favorite missions in the game but...."Oh ooh oh oh ahh ahh ahh I'm done for!!!" .......................................................................the fuck!?

some of the lines were pretty genuine and badass too, it was a mixed bag. "What are you doing!? that shield will be right back. GO GET OUT OF HERE!!" that part was more intense than....literally any line in most of this game, or any of the other games. "What is it bird season all of the sudden?" That implies that laughs are to be had as well. some of the things the characters say are really random and funny, I want to see more of that because...lol.

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Xidphel

LOOK PEOPLE; SEE THIS THREAD DESIGN? AS SOON AS I SAY SOMETHING I HAVE TO REPLY TO SOMEONE ELSE, I DON'T HAVE THE PATIENCE TO JUMP BACK AND RE-RE EDIT A COMMENT.

 

I'm more concerned about someone's brain design.

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Drasiana

There was also one line by Slippy where he straight-up stutters the line (not intentionally, mind you), and a few of Krystal's lines were weird and shaky. It sounds like they just recorded a cold read done in an empty hallway. Not the fault of the voice actors, but the directors. Hell, I was unimpressed with both Fox and Krystal's voices in Assault but in Brawl -- with the same voice actors -- they were much more lively and solid.

 

The "bird season" line was one that I'm amazed made it into the game since while it was meant as a goofy joke, it implies that somewhere in Lylat there is literally a season where people hunt and murder bird people

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AlGore'sleftshoe

I'm more concerned about someone's brain design.

Ugghhh................. this whole thread is just a chaotic fustercluck. Not the worst wisecrack I've seen though, but......

I am REALLY tired, ok?

HORY SHET. I need to finish up my more important shit and try to at least get my minimum of 5-7 hours of sleep before tomorrow morning. See, playing with the lot of you here has little importance, I've got so much to do ALL THE TIME, so of course I'm not going to be willing to RE-RE-RE-Edit a friggin comment here to continue this....whatever the hell you want to call it. Also good timing on your reply, the notification actually woke me up from a daze.

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Robert Monroe

Alright, alright, break it up kiddos. Daddy Rob's here to spread facts and break rumors.

TAKING IT FROM THE TOP!

 

he has some irrational hate of the game

No, I don't. I have a very valid and reasonable dislike for the game that I've speak an unreasonable amount of time going into detail about why I dislike it. If anything, I dislike how people who enjoy the game are so willing to blindly ignore the game's blatant flaws, which is what spurned me on to write this megarant.

I actually loved the StarWolf fight, between Wolf and Panther's badass charisma and shooting down battleships and team StarWolf themselves AND that orgasmically epic music, it just blows me away. their AI is actually pretty good, but not great. hardly even good but they fly into shit and die all the time in 64 so that's a plus.

And this right here is an example of that. The battleships were hardly a presence there. The AI was worse than SF64. THey don't crash into anything in Assault because they don't GO anywhere. They fly in a circle and if you enter their aggro zone they take pot shots at you. Falco and Krystal are never engaged by them, compare to SF64 where it is a consistant heated dogfight (by the way, you'd know all this if you'd have read my entire review! Just saying). In SF64 they can only crash on Venom II... rarely, or if you're good at kiting.

 

SF2....oh go can you kill me first? Adventures wasn't a good thing to happen, but it was a good game. I know SNES has aged, but it's a classic. 64 definitely doesn't pass for a modern game, but it's still a great game nontheless.

Um, you do know that I only said I was going to review SF2, right? I never said or implied one way or another that I was going to hate on it. Sorry to make you worried about your golden calf there, buddy. Also, you keep saying this line: "Starfox 64 doesn't pass for a modern game". Well no shit? It came out in 1997. Its 18 years old. You know what else doesn't pass for a modern game? Freakin' ASSAULT, which commits much of the same flaws as SF64, but WORSE, and does MORE, and came out EIGHT years later. You tell me with a straight face a game with superior technology and hardware that makes the mistakes as its 8 year old predecessor and MORESO passes as "a modern game". Seriously. Assault was outdated the day it was born.

 

he doesn't give it the rating it deserves.

I actually haven't given it any rating at all yet. Also, I think numerical ratings are a shit. See Xidphel's lovely quote from Yahtzee. If I had to give Assault a numeric score, it'd be somewhere between a 4 and a 6. It functions. That's all it does. Sometimes gets fun, most of the time gets irritating.

 

but guess what? they're REALLY FUN GAMES, is that all that matters in the end?

No, it isn't all that matters. It is important to know and understand WHY and HOW a game is well made, or not well made. Like any art form, any medium, any sort of entertainment or otherwise. Understanding is important. I believe this applies to all things.

 

looking at all the bigotry that's hit the gaming industry, apparently I'm too open minded to be a part of it.

Dumbass I ain't in the industry either. I'm just a 26 year old turbonerd playing a 10 year old game I really dislike because it really dissapointed me on my goddamn birthday and dashed my hopes of Starfox becoming a bigshot like Metroid and Zelda. And because I want to. And because I know people will enjoy reading my pitiful petty nerd rants. I'm just a fan, in the end. Just like you.

 

ut guess what? I'm not going to go into NEAR as much depth on how and why I hate it that much, not like what Rob does.

Good for you. That's your choice. My choice is to analyze every bit about the game to try and understand what went wrong. There's nothing wrong with either.

 

"Lays down the law" seriously that's as conceded as it gets, I honestly don't think I've ever met someone that has that much ego, seriously chill.

Why do you care so much about my ego? Seriously. You don't even know me, bro. You're the one who needs to seriously chill, because you're taking stuff from a total stranger way too harsh and personal.

 

but I still don't see how he can hate a game that much, he went way over the top with this criticism, it's just a game,

Question: why the FUCK do you even care? No, really, why do you care? Are you the Assault Guardian or something? Will your mom DIE from a bizzare machine if too much shit is said about Assault? Its like you said: just a game. The fuck do you care about some fat young adult nerd's opinions about it?

 

he's trying REALLY hard to make it seem like Sonic 06 bad,

Naaaah. Assault is functional, which is a fucka lot more than can be said about Sanic 06.

 

with the hateboner thing I thought it was the other way around, everything I've posted so far he's blasted me to bits with HIS angry antics. He HATES me

Well you did go to my Youtube, call me a faggot several times about MY tastes in video games, followed me here to SFO, and sent me ugly PMs ranging from furthering your insults about me to comparing how shitty my social life is compared to yours. I'd say you've given any reasonable human being to fucking hate your guts, because you're an asshole.

And the kicker? I don't hate you. At all. You're at most a mild annoyance with a big mouth and terribly typing habits who needs to learn how the fuck the quote and edit buttons work.

 

I DO NOT CARE about him, at all.

So, million dollar question: Why are you posting here? In this thread, I mean? If you don't care about me, then bug off and leave me alone. As it seems now, it is as if your entire existence revolves around me. Revolves around me negatively to be sure, but revolves around me. Its kind of fucking creepy, to be honest.

 

*Laughs* yeah-haha, I guess I should take your word for it. your funny.

Xidphel is one of the nicer, well meaning guys around here. Certainly more than I've been here. You should take his word for it when peopl are trying to accomodate you rather than just laugh at them untrustingly. You want people to treat you better? Then start ACTING better. Respect ain't a goddamn hand out: its earned.

 

I don't care about this silly review,

The absurd amount of times you've raved about how unfair it is says otherwise.

 

and I'm sure he wouldn't take my reviews seriously either.

I wouldn't, because you've the typing habbits of an eplieptic chimpanzee with mason jars for hands. And you lack the basic ability to evaluate things objectively in any shape or form.

Now then, I think this piss fight has gone on long enough. This is a thread to discuss Assault and its shortcomings, yes, but I don't want to see it devolve into a giant ass fucking quote war/fight. If you wanna disagree, that's cool. That's your choice. Your freedom. EVERYONE's freedom. Pharaoh Shadon has brought issues up a plenty and he's done so politely and I've addressed them, and there hasn't be any problems. I kindly suggest everyone who wishes to do the same follow his example.

Also, Orbital Gate coming tonight!

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Joseph.

 

 

 

Keep in mind a lot of that development time pre-Assaultification would have been on the arcade counterpart, and after the arcade version was scrapped they probably had to significantly redesign the game to work as a single player, regular ol' video game

 

They probably could have done better with it (there is NO EXCUSE for some of that dialogue holy hell) but there were just a bunch of clusterfucky factors surrounding it, I don't want to say Namco on their own was entirely at fault so much just the circumstances of development.

 

 

Oh ok so i was half right. The Team didn't merged anything but they didn't completely waste 3 years working on Assault. Namco was working on Armada during 2003 but things happen so they manged to make Assault around a year and a half.....

 

At least the music in Assault is good x)

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Xidphel

Ugghhh................. this whole thread is just a chaotic fustercluck. Not the worst wisecrack I've seen though, but......

I am REALLY tired, ok?

HORY SHET. I need to finish up my more important shit and try to at least get my minimum of 5-7 hours of sleep before tomorrow morning. See, playing with the lot of you here has little importance, I've got so much to do ALL THE TIME, so of course I'm not going to be willing to RE-RE-RE-Edit a friggin comment here to continue this....whatever the hell you want to call it. Also good timing on your reply, the notification actually woke me up from a daze.

 

1. That video. I need to steal it.

2. Does that mean that you'll leave SFO and free up the time we're cluttering up?

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Pharaoh Shadon

I never noticed how much Assault leaves up to interpretation and/or assuming. Playing through even as a kid I always got what I think they were trying to imply (Or at least I'm pretty sure I did) so I just went with it. But after different perspectives (mainly from here) I think they shoulda chose a MUCH different way to tell their story. The only few problems I had with this story at first was the random Wolfens in the astroid belt (And I think one more thing I can't remember)

 

Lets think of star wolf showing up at the final level. The way I feel, people will say "Where did they come from? IT MAKES NO SENSE!!!!!!! DX" 

While I would think "Well the great fox self destructing left that barrier open for a while, so it's safe to assume that Wolf and his team sped in during that moment before the barrier regenerated.

 

So the reason why I didn't mind was because I'm not the kind of person to really care about holes as long as some kind of implication can be answered/there (Which is what bugs me about the wolfens, literally nothing tells you why it's there.) Technically we are at the heroes point of view so if Fox doesn't know, then we don't need to know either. Although it would be REALLY nice to know DX

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Robert Monroe

Implication is not a bad thing per se - indeed some of the best writing ever has come from what ISN'T outright said. However, there is a line between intended implication, and what Assault does, which is to say fuck-all nothing. Assault doesn't imply, because it doesn't say anything at all, period. There's nothing to muse over or wonder - all speculation is practically making shit up from nothing.

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Robert Monroe

Updated with the Orbital Gate, a level that's greatest accomplishment is just copying the least liked levels from Starfox 64.

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Dr. Orange

Holyfuck I love this thread. It's like the dinner of knowledge and review AND a show to top it off. 

 

This is a good thread. 

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Scourge

I was in a bad mood

 

then I read this thread and had a laugh

 

Now I'm not in a bad mood

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Vy'drach

This post has inspired me to try and do a text-based Let's Play on here about Bloodborne, to the best of my abilities.

 

I expect to have to use this image a lot in it:

 

RTk7oDt.png

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Joseph.

I got Assault when it came out along with the Game Cube and after having it for years I discovered some hidden secrets. 

 

- Branching Path in Mission 1: Turns out you can branch out of your regular path in space but it does absolutely nothing other then hearing new dialog from krystal and fighting squads of enemy fighters for a higher score. To do this destroy every enemy fighter before facing the Prototype Gundam enemy (Play on Bronze to make it easier) Once your introduce to the Gundam ,destroy it really fast (Kill it before slippy starts talking) Doing so will cause krystal to alert you from enemy fighters below you. You'll slightly branch from your regular path facing squads of enemies.   

 

 

- Aparoids appear in Mission 1 during the space battle: Ether the developers made a mistake or Aparoids were meant to be seen and fought during the space battle but were cut off during the last second. To fight Squads of Aparoids destroy the Orbs the Gundam releases First. Then destroy the Gundam really fast. Theses are the same Aparoids that appear in Mission 5 where they show up after you defeat this wired looking Aparoid space ship that shoots green energy balls. They appear in swarms and they also don't attack the player. 

 

 

Every character has 2 taunts in multiplayer:  Press Z  As soon as you shoot another player to activate a hidden taunt.

 

 

These small touches the developers put into the game are nice and all but then you realized its a half finished game...

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Robert Monroe

I knew about the "branch" but not the aparoids in Mission 1. Ill have to try that now to see wtf.

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Ori

I knew about the "branch" but not the aparoids in Mission 1. Ill have to try that now to see wtf.

 

Actually yes, I can confirm those weird-ass... infected... Arwing-like... things that show up as targets and kinda dance around when you destroy stuff fast in some levels, including Fortuna. Didn't know about branching path though.

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AlGore'sleftshoe

I got Assault when it came out along with the Game Cube and after having it for years I discovered some hidden secrets. 

 

- Branching Path in Mission 1: Turns out you can branch out of your regular path in space but it does absolutely nothing other then hearing new dialog from krystal and fighting squads of enemy fighters for a higher score. To do this destroy every enemy fighter before facing the Prototype Gundam enemy (Play on Bronze to make it easier) Once your introduce to the Gundam ,destroy it really fast (Kill it before slippy starts talking) Doing so will cause krystal to alert you from enemy fighters below you. You'll slightly branch from your regular path facing squads of enemies.  

 

 

 

 

Once again; the dogfighting in Assault is BY FAR the best, you can actually FLY, LIKE YOUR SHIP FLIES, in SF64 the all-range felt like I was flying a B1 Biplane because I can hardly go up.

 

 

when have I ever been directly mean to you? I feel like I'm at a fucking blanket party, even when I say NOTHING, everyone gangs up and batters me out of pure hatred, yet I tolerate everyone better than most people would, why? because I'm NOT a nice person, but I'm not a total asshole either.

 

 

seriously I sense A LOT of nostalgic influence here, I can smell it with my big nose a mile a way. But, I've already won the argument on youtube, therefore it is meaningless for me to even try with you, you're still trying to force your...opinion, down my throat, but I'm telling you right now, it is NOT working. perhaps some of the things I said were a joke, perhaps I don't type well on here ON PURPOSE, but in highschool I've taken HONORS and CITS composition. I just don't care enough to use any of that here, because it would be a waste of my valuable and heavily limited time.

Oh hell, Metroid a big shot? StarFox has more love than fucking Metroid, Metroid Prime is literally the only Metroid game that EVER sold better than the StarFox games, and even so Prime was....good at best. StarFox games have marginally better sales even though there were far more Metroid games, anyone who says Metroid can compete with a game like Zelda or Halo is lying through their teeth. I guess I took my "trolling" too far, but I came back, not followed you here.

as I said before, I left the group because I didn't have time to use it, and I didn't like the community, even though I hardly said anything. You called me faggot a lot too, you also called me Retard, and furfag. did I make fun of you AT ALL for being a Brony? no, because I'm not going to go that far for a pety insult, and because 4 of my best friends are Bronies and a pega-sister. hell I might even be garnered into it, but not likely, just not my thing.

also, maybe I just like picking people apart, maybe I like pointing out some of the things you've tried to hide, but I've already done that. but you've been here longer, your fortunate to hold the small-town advantage, I've heard A LOT of bad things about this community, and almost all of them have proven true. but I persist, because maybe someday, years from now people will learn to view me a different way, but given the study of human nature, I'd say the chances are slim.

If you have a problem with me, just be honest. it has no effect on me.

 

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AlGore'sleftshoe



ONE MOAH TING

I'm sorry a fucking GameCube game scarred you for life. but if that is true than you take video games WAY too seriously, do I get pissed about video game discussions? you think!? well once again I'm an angry person, naturally. but I would hardly say I take video games all that seriously, I care more about Theoretical physics for god sake.


I'd be willing to make friends even with you, I've made friends with worse. I wouldn't mind if you stopped insulting me, than it could work. There are a number of things I'd gladly contribute here, related to StarFox and not, but the community is so against me that I don't see the point in even wanting to bother with it.

I NEVER Implied Assault was in anyway perfect, none of the StarFox games are. They're all great games, that is a fact, not an opinion; same goes with how imperfect they all are. *Aside from Command ofcourse*

I understand that it is important to discuss the imperfections of all the games. If Nintendo would even bother, they could learn from those imperfections and make a truly perfect game. But it isn't helping when you flatout call a good game, bad. You can have your opinion, like you said. but don't wave it around in my face, or shove it down my throat.

Now then; you can choose to overreact and hate me some more, or you can awknowledge my point and we can continue a decent discussion, perhaps the things being said about SFO aren't as true as they seem.

 

 

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Xidphel

 

when have I ever been directly mean to you? I feel like I'm at a fucking blanket party, even when I say NOTHING, everyone gangs up and batters me out of pure hatred, yet I tolerate everyone better than most people would, why? because I'm NOT a nice person, but I'm not a total asshole either.

 

 

I said that because apparently we're being mean to you and this is eating up the rest of your time apparently. Furthermore, we apparently all hate you. You leaving will be mutually-beneficial.

 

You called me faggot a lot too, you also called me Retard, and furfag. did I make fun of you AT ALL for being a Brony?

 

I may have used the word retard but the other two, I've never used.

 

but I persist, because maybe someday, years from now people will learn to view me a different way, but given the study of human nature, I'd say the chances are slim.

 

Again, a VERY good reason to stop.

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      "Hey Foxster, look I know you're minding your own business Fox, but we gotta talk now" said Falco. Fox spewed his soda out of his mouth.
      "Don't tell me, General Pepper's hologram again?" asked Fox.
      "No. I just couldn't help but notice that you're lazing around when you said you were gonna repair my Arwing today" replied Falco.
      "It's already fixed. I just need to spruce up the fuselage and tweak the engine a bit" said Fox.
      "What? You mean you're not gonna fix it today?" asked Falco. "Ha, typical of you, Fox"
      "Look Falco, I'm trying to relax here, it's been a stressful week for all of us" said Fox.
      "It has? I'm holding together pretty well. Everyone else has been too. Can you pass the potato chips?" asked Falco. Suddenly, Peppy Hare burst out of the upper hallway of the Great Fox and raced downstairs putting on his best coat.
      "Enemy ships? Where? Don't start without me!" said Peppy, proving once and for all that the Star Fox team was not holding itself together well at all.
      "No! P-O-T-A-T-O. Potato. Potato chips." said Falco.
      "I don't get it," said Peppy. "I don't know what those things are"
      "Fine then, be that way" said Falco, brushing off Peppy's apparent perceived weirdness.
      "We're gonna try to relax today, old man" said Fox.
      "Yeah, I guess I am getting old, aren't I?" said Peppy, sighing, and wiping a tear out of his eye.
      "Hey you wanna join us?" asked Fox.
      "No, I'll be fine, I'm just gonna go turn on the jupebox a bit and sulk around thinking about the past" said Peppy. Fox raced up to Peppy.
      "Nah, Pepster. You just need some pep talk. People need pep talk, pep talk is what makes people peppy!" said Fox.
      "Pa-pa-pep talk? You're serious?" asked Peppy.
      "As serious as I can be. Live up to your namesake! You're not old at all, in fact, you're gonna keep going and going and going forever!" said Fox, handing Peppy a self help pamphlet and four hundred Corneria bucks.
      "Those were some of the best fruits of my commissions, old pal. Don't sweat it, buy the little lady something nice with that" said Fox.
      "Yeah, hold on a minute, let me count this out. Thanks Fox, you're a swell interstellar feller. Um, as for the lady, what lady?" asked Peppy. Fox shrugged.
      "Anyway, feel better Peppy you're not too old" said Fox. Peppy's ears seemed perkier and he sat down on the couch with Fox and Falco.
      "I wonder what's on the tube today" said Peppy reaching for the TV remote. Falco turned his head towards Fox.
      "So, Fox, about my Arwing. See, Katt Monroe wanted me to take her to Fortuna this weekend to see the ocean. Her craft got eaten by one of
      Andross's robots and in just a few hours she's gonna be here" said Falco.
      "Can't deal with it," said Fox, helping Peppy figure out where the dubbed Macbethian soap operas were and how to navigate through them.
      "Do a-do a, achoo!" sneezed Peppy. Falco jumped in the air, sprawling his feathers everywhere, yelling.
      "I'll get you a tissue, Pepster" said Fox, reaching for a tissue. Falco just chuckled mischeviously.
      "You were saying, Mr. Peppy?" asked Falco.
      "Do a barrel roll! God it feels good to say that after all these years" said Peppy.
      "Well, there was that time you were locked in a padded cell saying that over and over, believing you were dictating commands to the team" said Falco.
      "Shut up Falco, he overcame his PTSD years ago" said Fox.
      "Hey, cool it, I'm on his side. One hundred and ten percent. But Katt Monroe wanted me to take her to Fortuna this weekend, and I can't take her there without my Arwing" explained Falco.
      "Grr, oh for gosh sake, I'll go get my tools and head for the docking area" said Fox.
      "That's more like it Mr. Fix it!" said Falco.
      "For the love of the galaxy Falco, please do not call me that" replied Fox, rummaging through his tool shed.
      "Where did I put the spare parts for the attenuator, darn it. Oh, there they are. Never mind!" said Fox, continuing to search for parts.
      "Fox, Fortuna's just a half an hour away don't blow this" said Falco. Fox swore under his breath, and muttered angry things in Corneria language.
      "Falco please be reasonable, I'm trying to help you" said Fox.
      "Peppy, I'm gonna need somebody with your decades of experience to come help me sort this stuff out" said Fox.
      "Good, I see the enemy core" said Peppy. Fox's eyes were in shock.
      "What did you say?" asked Fox. Peppy laughed. "Nothin, just pullin' yer leg"
      Meanwhile, Miyu Lynx was hanging upside down like a bat, she was also playing catch with Slippy using a magic 8 ball.
      "Catch the ball you calf-frog!" said Miyu.
      "I am not a calf-frog I'm a full grown bullfrog!" said Slippy.
      "The day I stop calling you a calf-frog is the day Rob64 stops constantly complimenting me on my perfume!" replied Miyu.
      "Then I quit!" said Slippy, sobbing.
      "Aww, don't feel bad. Come back. Oh well, I think I'm gonna take a nice hot bubble bath" said Miyu, who was unusually perky and happy for reasons not yet known. Was she in love with someone?
      Later...in the darkest corners of the universe...
      We join a briefing room within the Grand oblivion Mothership of Emperor Andross, Wolf O' Donnel and Leon. Panther and Pigma were on holiday. Yeah.
      "Welcome. O'Donnel and Leon? Front and center! Now then, gentlemen, I, the great and noble Emperor Andross shall have you both realize that this is a fully committed fraternity that relies soley on the upmost strength, integrity, and dedication of its members. As you are both well aware, the Star Fox team is still causing trouble for our beloved Venom and its neighbors. Soon we will be unable to occupy or colonize any planet in need of our services, and I fear that day drawing ever near. Fox and his notorious group of space bandits survived our deliciously unscrupulousattack on Eladard. Here is a detailed schematic of all your failings. Phantron, powerpoint please" ordered Andross. Phantron was a tiny robot who helped Andross for no rewards or monetary compensation because he did a very poor job of helping the emperor most of the time.
      "Not that picture!" said Andross, kicking Phantron right in the nuts and bolts. He fell over in a scrap heap. Wolf glanced down at Phantron with a look of pity.
      "Does your robot need help, Andross?" asked Wolf.
      "Yes, the uncanny assistance of your repulsive face!" said Andross,
      picking up a discombobulated Phantron and throwing the train wreck of an excuse for an automaton directly
      at Wolf. Wolf fell over.
      "Get it off me, get it off me" yelled Wolf, rolling on the floor. Andross rolled his eyes, and pushed a button activating Phantron's torture device.
      Phantron began inserting excruciatingly sharp electronic needles into Wolf's body.
      "Aaaaaugh. You're horrible, emperor. Horrible!" said Wolf.
      "Haha, yes, I know" said Andross with a proud pompus glare.
      "Get your insipid machine off me" said Wolf. Leon laughed.
      "Don't get your flipping fur all frazzled. I think he likes you. My, this is fun to watch" said Leon.
      "Leon, get the robot off of Wolf" said Andross. Leon was deriving sick pleasure from watching Wolf suffer, as usual.
      "Leon! You obey the me! The emperor! You fight for the emperor, you live for the emperor, you are a soldier for the emperor, remember?" yelled Andross.
      "Yes, Master, sorry. Here Wolf, let me help you" said Leon, pulling the robot off of Wolf's face.
      "There, there!" said Leon wiping Wolf's face clean with a napkin from his delectable Planet Borgalort cold beef sandwich, that he was munching on.
      "Gentlemen, are you finished? Good. I'll handle the presentation from here onwards. As we were saying, the Star Fox team is still not out of commission. They continue to do their dirty work all across the universe, making it increasingly and relentlessly difficult for us to pursue our goals of interplanetary domination and conquest. The galaxy will never know true might, leadership, and power until we eradicate them and those who approve of their reckless ways. Be aware that the Galactic Federation knows full well that I intend to use some of the populace here on Venom as scientific research projects to create super soldiers for my army, on a strictly voluntary basis of course. I did not want to resort to such methods but your repeated failures have led me to wonder about my own convictions and now I see full well that you two are incapable, incompetant, and downright lousy!You will be sent out my air lock chamber soon if you fail your next mission. Go destroy Star Fox. Seek out, kill, and destroy, and don't come back here until every last Cornerian is brought to me" ordered Andross.
      "Your majesty, every single Cornerian? Beamed to your mothership? What for? Are you lonely?" asked Wolf.
      "A good soldier doesn't question," said Andross, rubbing his palms together in a contemplative fashion. "Destroy Star Fox and round up every last Cornerian citizen and bring them all to me. Use the Space Dynamics multi-billion dollar Galactic Sweeper Beaming Device I have installed on your ship to do so. This is an order. You do it if you value Venom, and if you value your life!" said Andross with an evil grin.
      Back with the good guys:
      "It's all fixed up, Falco" said Fox.
      "That's great and all, but Katt Monroe was supposed to be here an hour ago, and I can't find my cell phone to call her with" replied Falco.
      "Well, that's a problem I guess. But, then again, Peppy's a veteran in need of care and I have to get him his spagetti and meatballs" replied Fox.
      "It's ok, Fox. I'll just stick to this baloni sandwich I found in the fridge. It's an old salty dog, just like me" said Peppy, eating.
      "oh no!" said Falco, looking out the window with a look of horror. He saw his phone floating through space.
      "I'll go get that thing!" said Fox, putting on his uniform and racing to his Arwing. He saw a note that read the following:
      "You'll be shot down if you miss a beacon. Gone to watch Miss Laleethia Levanorsi sing Corneria the beautiful at Sargasso. Love, yours truly, SLOB64"
      "Slob64, my old derogatory nickname for Rob64. Ha. Anyway, I gotta get going"
      Later...
      Fox reached out of ship while wearing his protective suit and pulled the cellphone back in. He laughed as he read the texts that got Falco's
      feathers in a frantic fit.
      "Falco, you are such an idiot, such a card" said Fox chuckling. "But I forgive you, you loveable scamp!" he added.
      Back in the mothership, upstairs, we join a very kind-hearted bathing beauty in a serene spa-like room full of plant life and statues and meditation CD's scattered about!
      The beautiful and impeccable space princess, spa owner, pilot, book author, and well-known Cornerian philanthropist Miyu Lynx was
      upstairs in a bubbling and warm hot tub relaxing herself. She had just finished washing her legs with a sponge, watering her plants and had been listening to some really good beepy tech-ish music, if you follow. She took a deep breath, and exhaled, slowly sinking herself into the water.
      "Ahhhh, I love everyone and everything" said Miyu. Her pet bird Pindove squawked.
      "That's my girl. She loves everyone, and everything" said Pindove.
      "Yeah, yes, I sure do" said Miyu in a breathy voice.
      "Wait does that mean you love me too? For realz?" said Pindove, blushing.
      "Sure does, Pindove. I'd never eat you, cuz I'm just too sultry for poultry" said Miyu. She splashed her hands around in the water happily. Then she looked at her palms.
      "I have such incredible hands" said Miyu.
      "Hands. Yes. Incredible, maybe. But I'd say flawless and superior"
      "Ohhh, Pindove, I am the light, you are the darkness, the world is my seed crystal and Katina was so sublime before the emperor seized it" said Miyu.
      "Squawk! So sublime, so sublime" replied the bird.
      "I wish this day would never end. I shant ever be happier" said Miyu. Suddenly, her door broke down, and Falco raced through the room yelling in some ancient alien language. Miyu screamed.
      "Eeeeep!" shrieked Miyu.
      "Where is it?" yelled Falco.
      "Eep! Eeeeep!" Miyu screamed again. Falco raced from one end of the room to the other repeatedly, knocking his head against the wall as he did so,
      tossing plant pots to and fro.
      "Get out of here now, whatever you are, you bad intruder!" said Miyu, throwing a bar of soap at Falco.
      "Fa-Fa-Falckie? Falckie is that you?" asked Miyu. Falco took one look at the cute and sweet Miyu in her bikini.
      "Falckie, are you okay?" asked Miyu. Falco's eyes were widened, and his right eye was twitching repeatedly.
      "Falckie, it's okay Falckie, Falckie? Falckie?" asked Miyu. Miyu splashed water at Falco, causing Falco to go crazy and start looking in all directions
      like a chicken with its head cut off, frantically licking and biting his wings.
      "No need to get your feathers in a fluster, Falckie. Go back to your post okay, Falckie?" said Miyu. Falco's right eye just kept on twitching, and he finally unfroze his body and broke out of his darn near catatonic state and once again became madly energized, running from wall to wall, giving himself head injuries in the process, until finally he landed in the water, doing a cannonball and splashing nearly all of it out of the tub. As his feathers began feeling the bubbling, he squawked repeatedly, flapping his wings, struggling to swim around to get to the surface as more water flew out of the tub. Finally there was no more water, the room was a swimming pool, and Falco was flopping around like a fish while Miyu tried to reassure him that he was not a fish.
      "You can stop now," said Miyu. Falco looked like he was struggling to breathe, Miyu tossed a mint into Falco's mouth and he spit it out in her face.
      Miyu put a towel on and ran out of the room, racing down into the living room with Peppy.
      "He's lost it, Pepperoni. I was in a vane romantic wonderland until that bird went crazy and barged in while I was having the greatest moment of my life!" said Miyu.
      "Wha-what's that?" asked Peppy, who seemed to be in a television induced coma.
      "Oh no, not you too" said Miyu
      "Huh? Oh, Miyu. Help yourself, there's good stuff in the freezer, I'm just worried about Fox is all" said Peppy.
      "Worried about Foxy? Really? What's he up to, Gramps?" asked Miyu.
      "It's nothing. He's on a bit of a wild goose chase though, pumpkin.
      He's out in his Arwing chasing Falco's cell phone through outer space" said Peppy.
      "That...makes...sense" said Miyu in a sarcastic sassy tone.
      "It's all part of the sacred Cornerian duty" explained Peppy. Falco came flopping down the stairs, and landed on the floor face-up, opening and
      closing his beak repeatedly, and begging for water and pain killers. Then Fox came back in his Arwing, landed, came out, and ran into
      the living room.
      "Falco, I got your cell phone! Here ya go!" said Fox. Miyu pointed at the bird on the floor. Falco looked dead as a doornail. Fox could not believe his eyes.
      "Falco, are you okay?" asked Fox.
      "He'll be okay he just needs some good iced tea. Iced tea always helps. Fry him a pancake maybe" suggested Peppy.
      "No, don't fry him a pancake, Pepperoni's just messing with ya, he likes to do that, I should know, he and I are close!" said Miyu.
      "Well, I think he's probably okay. He was like this when we were room-mates back in the academy sometimes before finals" said Fox.
      "Yeah, it's just all this stress, I think" said Miyu.
      "We're gonna have to build a monument to him. He was a good feller!" said Peppy.
      "You mean like that monument we built for Slippy once when we thought he died? Cut it out Peppy!" said Fox.
      "Blur-blur-wing blabbit!" said Falco, speaking jibberish.
      "Wing blabbit? He's talking jibberish, that can't be good!" said Fox.
      Suddenly, a transmission appeared on screen:
      Fox, this is General Pepper. Andross is at it again, he's ordered the Star Wolf team to capture top secret Cornerian military equipment and
      sell it on the black market in order to aquire funds to build a doomsday device capable of beaming up every citizen of our planet into
      his mothership for some sort of purpose of which we know nothing about. You must head for Corneria at once, it is in grave danger.
      I promise your paycheck will be enough to pay the rent.
      "Oh my goodness, that's just what I needed to hear" said Fox. Miyu comforted Fox.
      "It'll be okay. We'll all get through this somehow" said Miyu. She glanced over at Falco.
      "Did he just burp?" asked Miyu.
      "Yes, I think he did," replied Fox. Miyu decided to hug Falco.
      "You poor poor innocent birdie you didn't deserve this! Foxy woxy found your phone, yes he did" said Miyu, kissing Falco's beak. Falco turned red, and began racing through the ship. Then Fox held up his phone, and threw it behind the sofa.
      "Go get it boy! Go get the phone!" said Fox. Falco chased after the phone like a hunting dog, and brought it to Miyu, looking up at her with
      intense approbation, honor, and respect.
      "Falckie, you've never really acted like THIS around me before!" said Miyu, biting her lower lip. She had only seen him behave this way around Katt or Fox.
      "Falco, cut it out. That's your phone, not hers! Snap out of it!" said Fox, snapping his fingers. As soon as Falco heard Fox's fingers snap, he came back to his senses. Then Fox relayed the message from General Pepper, Then Fox relayed the message from General Pepper. They weren't required for another hour or so, so Falco took a bath to relax.
      In Falco's tub:
      Falco was lathering his feathers when suddenly a giant machine arose from the water. It was the Blue Marine in its primitive state. Slippy
      had been testing it out in the hot tub, but this time it was on purpose to help Miyu get revenge on Falco.
      "Oh crud, jeez laweez, what the heck is that?" said Falco. The machine chased him, taking photos of his tail feathers as he ran. As Falco raced downstairs
      in a fit yet again, Miyu and Slippy laughed and high fived each other.
      "Put her there, you big bad bullfrog you!" said Miyu to Slippy.
      THIS STORY HAS TWO CHAPTERS! GO TO CHAPTER 2 NOW! Lol. Or get yourself a cup of coffee first.
      Pepper was seated in his office, chomping roughly on taffy and assorted candies. The walls were lined with
      quotes from many past Cornerian generals. He seemed rather cool and collected, but hiding underneath that
      exterior was a ferrocious commanding warrior hound with an incredible spirit. Pepper and Peppy often tossed back various strategies
      to one another, then relayed them to the rest of the team.
      "Good day, Peppy. I've worked out something that should prove to do well for the team's effort. If you have any questions, just ask" said Pepper.
      "Howdy. Well, alright then" said Peppy, seating himself directly opposite Pepper. Pepper slid over a piece of paper detailing the route he determined that the team should take.
      "What do you think? Does it meet your satisfaction?" asked Pepper.
      "Well, I'll tell ya one thing it meets sir, it meets mah eyeballs" replied Peppy.
      "Still working it out, I see. Have some taffy, good for what ails ya. In fact, one of these taffies before the toils of war saves us from gallons
      of blood on the battlefield, I swear by it to this day" said Pepper. Peppy unwrapped the taffy that the general gave to him and began chewing it while
      looking over the strategy.
      "Sir, I-I-I," Peppy could not finish his sentence.
      "Out with it you blasted bunny rabbit, what is it?" yelled Pepper, slamming the desk.
      "Well sir, it's just that I have an idea for a minor alteration to your plan" said Peppy.
      "What's wrong with it?" asked Pepper. Peppy pulled out a small crayon and began drawing over things, and then showed Pepper the piece of paper.
      "You think the team should go to Fortuna before Macbeth? You're mad!" said Pepper.
      "Listen sir, I know there's a lot of gigantic dinosaurs on Fortuna with helmets and shields and if we could conquer Macbeth first and take back that weapon Andross stole from your artillary base, we'd have a better chance against the dinosaurs. Also, think about it, it's a sneakier way to approach Venom, I happen to have stolen some of Andross's plans, and he's expecting the Star Fox team to take the first route, not the third" explained Peppy. Pepper looked over Peppy's new plan.
      "Bravo, sir. But hogwash. Are you blind, bunny boy? I wasn't planning on taking the team through the first route, in fact my spies
      fed Andross the phony intelligence that we were gonna go that way. Though I commend your sense of strategy, you're overlooking an important detail. We don't have enough fighters to
      deploy to free the rest of the galaxy. Also, if you look over my notes and blueprints you'll see that Fox will enter the black hole after
      setting out from the second route. Bottom line, we don't have enough fighters yet!" said Pepper.
      "Yes we do. I read in the Widow's Nebula that some members of Star Wolf have defected from Andross and are willing to help" said Peppy.
      "That's a bunch of hooey I don't believe it for a second" said Pepper, spitting his taffy in anger.
      "well, I see your point, General" said Peppy.
      "I should hope you do, sir. Content of character is very important to me. I've dealt with enough turncoats and traitors in my day" said Pepper.
      "What if I cloned myself into some kinda fancy souped up super weapon?" asked Peppy.
      "It is the unconquerable soul of a soldier, not the nature of the weapon he uses, that insures victory" replied Pepper.
      "Well I'll be, the unconquerable soul of a soldier, how bout that. Guess that's why we're outnumbered" said Peppy.
      "What did you say? Listen Peppy, my plan will work with some tweaking. The second wormhole in the Asteroid belt leads to a timeline in which
      our military is much more advanced" said Pepper.
      "I see. Well, maybe I'm just getting too old for this. How bout a corn dog and a cold beef sandwich?" asked Peppy.
      Peppy began devouring his corn dog ravenously.
      "Yeehaw, lord bless mah soul, this is the best meal I've ever eaten" said Peppy.
      "It may be your last. Eat heartily" said Pepper.
      "Well, I'm on my way now. Gotta go relay all this stuff to the team" said Peppy, getting into his Arwing.
      "Wait sir, I forgot to warn you of the warphole to Fichina on your way back to the Great Fox...oh well" said Pepper.
      As Peppy left, his only regret was that he failed to share his new chili recipe with the general.
      In a dark room, sitting at a table, the SF team planned their mission. Each member was sipping coffee and soda and enjoying themselves, for a while,
      then they began to wonder what was taking Peppy so long.
      "Where's the Pepster? I kinda miss him a little" said Miyu, pressing her nails against the table.
      "He's probably getting the map from the general. It should outline our course for this mission" replied Fox.
      "I think we should go the third route this time and take Andross by surprise" suggested Falco.
      "The last time we took the third route I had a disasterous experience with Wolf O' Donnel" replied Fox.
      "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that Fox. I really need to learn to shut my big beak" said Falco.
      "Yeah, ya do!" said Fox.
      "Ca-ca-ca-can I say something?" asked Slippy.
      "Sure, Slip!" said Fox, flipping a quarter in the air and making it land on his nose. He then began spinning it on his nose.
      "I just wanted to say that I'm glad we're all here and that we should be thankful we have each other" said Slippy.
      "Yay, hugs all around!" said Miyu. Falco groaned, but Fox just chuckled.
      "Anything else, Slippy?" asked Fox.
      "Well, I was just gonna agree that trying to one up Andross by taking the third route might not be the best idea, there
      are black holes and time warps and things on that third route" said Slippy, stuttering. Miyu sipped her soda.
      "Peppy's late, he's usually here by now to chart the course and show us where we're going" said Miyu.
      "You know how Peppy is," said Falco. "He's probably asleep in a luxury hotel on Eladard or something. Peppy is anything but his namesake!"
      "Don't trash Peppy. He's the smartest, most wise and considerate guy I've ever met in my life, second only to you, Falco!" said Fox in a sarcastic tone.
      "Bushy tail, you earned yourself a cold beef sandwich!" said Miyu, tossing Fox a sandwich.
      "Thanks Miyu, this is delicious!" said Fox, taking a huge bite out of his sandwich. Miyu snapped her fingers, and another sandwich fell into the room.
      "There was more where that came from. Who else wants some sandwiches?" asked Miyu.
      "I sa-sa-sa-sorta want one. With some ba-ba-ba-ba-barbecue sauce, that'd be nice" said Slippy.
      "So you want barbecue sauce manufactured by the sheep people of the Baa Baa Galaxy or what?" asked Falco
      Later, after much sandwich eating soda sipping fun...
      "Well, Peppy isn't coming apparently, I tried to communicate to him on the messenger and his screen went to static!" said Slippy. But Falco was playing cards with Robert, and Fox and Miyu were having too much fun feeding one another to pay attention to Slippy.
      "Pour me some more Ginger Basil Grapefruit spitzer, Miyu!" said Fox.
      "Coming right up, your majesty" said Miyu, pouring Fox's drink. Fox guzzled it down, as Miyu deposited a grape in his mouth. Then she poured more
      spitzer into his glass, and into her glass as they toasted.
      "Some cheese with it?" asked Miyu.
      "Cheese would be great, you know in case you didn't know I love cheese" replied Fox.
      "To a long long riveting romance" said Miyu putting on a pretend accent of some sort, as she and Fox toasted again.
      "I gotta hand it to you Miyu, you're great at arranging little get togethers like this!" said Fox. Falco could not stop chuckling, and Slippy was
      about to panic.
      "I don't arrange the get togethers mah lord. They arrange me, but then I get back at em and one up em with my devout sense of preperation and
      servitude to the cause!" said Miyu.
      "Yeah, well, you're the best Miyu. Say Falco, we should all get together like this more often" said Fox.
      But Falco was playing cards:
      "Two aces, Rob!" said Falco. Slippy thwacked Falco with a frying pan.
      "Tell Fox and Miyu to get their ba-ba-ba butts into high gear now!" said Slippy.
      "Oh, okay. Yeah, good point" said Falco.
      "Tell them, now! Peppy's screen is static, his ship might have been shot down for all we know" said Slippy.
      "Okay Slip. Say Fox, have you forgotten something Fox? This is not a get together. It sure as hell wasn't arranged by Miyu! And the fate of the galaxy is at stake here.
      Is there something about cheese and grapefruit spitzer that sends you two off the deep end or something?" asked Falco.
      "The deep has no end, it keeps unraveling itself with one more tangled web, each getting more tangled and intricately woven than the other" replied Miyu.
      "Hahaha, my sentiment exactly," replied Fox, slamming the table with his fist.
      "Oooh, careful Foxy. Careful!" said Miyu.
      "We're doomed!" said Slippy.
      "Not necessarily. I've got a bullhorn for these silly tipsy whipsies!" said Falco. Falco used his bullhorn.
      "YOW! Falco, what are you doing?" yelled Fox.
      "Trying to bring you back into reality. Things are actually pretty grim right now we don't know where Peppy is!" said Falco.
      "Alas, poor Peppy," said Miyu, leaning back and staring into her fancy glass.
      "Remember that one time when he didn't show up till morning?" asked Fox.
      "Yeah, I do actually. But we should probably go meet with the General on his ship and get an update just to be safe" said Falco.
      So the team got their act together and flew their Arwings to meet with General Pepper.
      "Hello team. All the intelligence data and indications are that Peppy has gotten himself stranded on
      Planet Fichina in the middle of a blistering snowstorm! He doesn't even have a coat!" said Pepper.
      "What do you suggest we do sir?" asked Fox.
      "I don't suggest. I give orders.
      I order Miyu and Slippy to head towards Fichina, while Fox and Falco go and take out the Attack Carrier that has invaded Cornerian airspace" said
      General Pepper. Fox gave a military salute to Pepper.
      "Yes sir, Pepper sir" said Fox. He and Falco raced to their Arwings. Miyu and Slippy hesitantly teamed up, and went to their respective ships.
      We join Miyu and Slippy:
      "So, Slippy, this might be our first mission together, huh?" said Miyu.
      "Blurbitt!" replied Slippy. Miyu moved the Crystal Stick into gear and steered the ship into Fichina.
      "Blurbitt, huh? I like that actually" said Miyu. Suddenly, something came over Slippy as they entered Fichina's foggy atmosphere.
      "You missed a gold ring!" yelled Slippy trying to take charge of the Arwing's control pad.
      "No I didn't, Slipster what the heck are you doing?" yelled Miyu. Slippy sent the ship hurtling towards the ground, and Miyu jumped out and grabbed
      Slippy with her in a parachute. They both hit the ground and watched their Arwing blow up into smithereens.
      "Slippy, what was that?" asked Miyu.
      "I think it's just my allergies" replied Slippy.
      "Oh, yeah, terrific, Slipknot. You do realize you just got yourself the pink slip from me" said Miyu.
      "Is that a reward?" asked Slippy.
      "No, it's um, like, the opposite?" said Miyu.
      "You mean I'm still a calf frog in your eyes? Even after the little trick I hel[ped you orchestrate?"
      "Oh, Slippy, I'm a lynx, you're a frog, you know?" said Miyu.
      "Fair point" conceded Slippy. Miyu held Slippy's hand and attempted to comfort him as they trudged forward into the snow towards the red dot
      on their radar.
      Later...
      A giant missile nearly hit Slippy and sent him flying off far far away.
      Miyu entered the base, shown as a little red "dot" on her GPS navigator. She zapped all the guards with her ray gun and freed Peppy who was in a giant
      cage.
      "Pepster Pops, you're alive!" said Miyu, hugging Peppy.
      "Yeah, well hold on a minute pumpkin puss, I gotta check my pulse. Yeah. I'm still alive" replied Peppy.
      "Peppy, we've gotta find a way off of this planet. Did the baddies take your Arwing?" asked Miyu.
      "Remind me what a-what a...Arwing, as you call it, what is that thing anyway?" asked Peppy.
      "Oh, Peppy. You know what an Arwing is. Let's get out of here and get lunch!" suggested Miyu.
      Miyu and Peppy went to the Fichina Diner.
      "Miyu and Peppy, your tables are ready!" said a voice. Miyu and Peppy raced to their tables. Peppy looked over the menu. The waitress came over.
      "Hi, my name is Bloomeelia Glowdentissa, I'll be serving you today, how can I help you?" asked a cat girl in a maids outfit.
      "I'll have mashed potatoes with gravy and some beans" said Peppy.
      "Fichina's finest! And how may I help you?" said Bloomeelia, glancing at Miyu.
      "Grapefruit," said Miyu. "Just...grapefruit!"
      "Good choice! My friend Rallassa almost exclusively orders grapefruit here every time! I'll be right back!" said Bloomeelia.
      "So, Miyu, I've been thinkin, you know I have this chili recipe I'm thinkin' about perfecting once the war is over" explained Peppy.
      "Oooh, that sounds heavenly. Do tell me more" said Miyu, batting her eyelashes and gazing into Peppy's eyes.
      "Yeah. I'm thinkin' it needs some good ol' fashioned old time Cornerian spices" said Peppy.
      "Can't have enough of those," said Miyu, filing her fingernails.
      "Yeah. Some thyme maybe. Meatballs!" yelled Peppy, slamming the table. Bloomeelia came back with the mashed potatoes and grapefruit.
      "Thank you kindly Miss" said Peppy.
      "Yes thank you, rock on!" said Miyu.
      "You too, funky soul sister!" said Bloomeelia.
      "Do you and her know each other?" asked Peppy.
      "I ran into her once back in Academy. She dropped out early on though to become a sorceress" said Miyu. Miyu pressed the grapefruit against her mouth and
      nose and buried her face in it, soaking in the divine goodness of the moment.
      "Anyway, so I've got this chili thing all planned out" said Peppy.
      "Is your rabbit friend okay?" asked Bloomeelia.
      "He gets like this. His memory is fried" replied Miyu.
      "Well, I'm a sorceress and if I know one thing about memory, doing a special thing you haven't done in years usually gets your memories
      jogging like biscuit fueled fiends!" said Bloomeelia.
      "That gives me an idea of how we'll get the Arwing back from that base!" said Miyu.
      Later...
      "Peppy, you know your Arwing is in there, just because it's heavily guarded doesn't mean we can't get in there" said Miyu.
      "So many guards. Course, there are those barrels over there" said Peppy.
      "Exactly," replied Miyu. "We're gonna have to do it"
      "Get who to do what?" asked Peppy.
      "We're gonna do a barrel roll gosh darn it! I've waited my whole life for this chance" said Miyu.
      "I'm too old, Miyu" yelled Peppy.
      "No you're not!" said Miyu.
      "I'm not?" asked Peppy.
      "No, I think you're as prepped, ready, and as peppy as you've ever been" said Miyu, pushing Peppy into a barrel. She got into the barrel with him.
      "This is a tight squeeze. Crammed in here, but not bad. Not bad at all actually" said Peppy. The two began rolling down the hill, and they sent most
      of the guards running home, flattening some, to a degree. The barrel finally smashed into a wall and broke open.
      And there...in the midst of all...was the Arwing of Peppy, inside the base. Miyu and Peppy raced into the base.
      "Well, we did it, we did a barrel roll together" said Peppy, brushing off his pants.
      "Oh, Peppy. What would Vivian Hare think?" asked Miyu.
      "Who?" said Peppy, confused.
      "Ugh, do we need to do another barrel roll?" yelled Miyu.
      "I don't know but it never pays to underestimate Star Fox, that's for sure" said Peppy. Peppy was about to get into his Arwing
      with Miyu and fly off into the
      sunset when suddenly the dome like base's doors automatically shut, and a vortex appeared.
      Wolf and Falco came out of it.
      "Well well, look what the monsoons brought in. You know it's rather fitting that it end like this, as this planet
      is now the headquarters of Emperor Andross's entire base of operations. I'm only telling you this because I'm confident
      we will defeat both of you" said Wolf, putting out a cigarrette. He held a ray gun up to Peppy and Miyu and proceeded
      to tie them up.
      "You'll never get away with this, Bird Man and Wolf" said Peppy.
      "Falcky's joined up with Wolf and Andross? What the heck is going on?" said Miyu.
      "That can't possibly be Falco, his feathers are too ruffled" said Peppy.
      "No, it's really me. Been tempted to do this for ages, Fox always tried to one up me, he
      thought he had the upper hand of the deck, but now I'm the ace of spades. I now know the truth, that
      Pepper's been playing you all for fools and has you all eating out of his paws like termites, he broke the deal
      he had with Andross, not the other way around" said Falco.
      "Oh please, next you're gonna tell me Fox Mcloud's father actually died of cheese addiction" said Peppy.
      "Yeah, I'm sure some guy named Ben Cheese had something to do with it" said Miyu.
      "Please don't hurt us!" said Miyu.
      "Sorry lady, this is just our duty" replied Wolf.
      "Yes, Andross knows what he's doing" said Falco.
      "You see what's happening here? The bird finally started using his brains. You two can make up for your shortcomings if you so desire, I'm
      perfectly willing to get you two on my side as well, though I doubt you'll take me up on the offer" said Wolf.
      "I'd rather be put in a zoo!" said Miyu.
      "I'd rather be forced to deliver candy door to door in a bunny outfit" said Peppy. Falco groaned. Wolf continued speaking.
      "Cornerians are going to soon be upgraded, and those who refuse will be immediately terminated" said Wolf.
      "Upgraded? You mean experimented on and treated like an animal, right? Not gonna happen Wolf" said Peppy. Wolf pulled
      out a remote and activated a trap door with a growing wormhole underneath. He used the remote to lower the pillar Miyu and Peppy were tied to further and further down, hoping they would fall victim to the wormhole wherein Andross would kill them. He began mocking them.
      "Hey, no sweat dear fellows. Trust your instincts, don't ever give up, hahaha" chuckled Wolf. Wolf then got in Peppy's Arwing with Falco and was just
      about to take off, when Miyu began chewing on the ropes with her sharp teeth. She cut Peppy free the same way, and grabbed
      on to him just as he was about to fall into the hole. They began blasting inside the Arwing, causing the entire machine
      to start flashing. Wolf and Falco evacuated the ship and it burst into flames.
      "Congratulations, you destroyed your own ship!" said Wolf.
      "Not so" said Peppy, texting Pepper on his phone. A vortex opened and a fresh new Arwing appeared.
      "What the heck?" asked Wolf.
      "It pays to eat out of Pepper's paws, Wolf. But it doesn't pay to eat out of the hands of Emperor Andross, who's
      about to get his just desserts by the way" said Peppy, getting into his Arwing.
      "Take me with you" said Miyu, gazing into Peppy's face with starstruck eyes.
      "No, I'd feel too bad if something happened to you" replied Peppy.
      "Please, Vivian Hare's dead, and I...love you" said Miyu.
      "Oh, alright, if it means that much to you, I'd rather die with you than anyone else" said Peppy. Peppy
      and Miyu got into the Arwing, and flew into the wormhole to meet up with Andross. Wolf and Falco
      got into a seperate ship and followed in pursuit.
      The Final Battle Begins:
      Sure enough, there was Andross, complete with his diabolical mechanically constructed new face and metal hands.
      "The lynx and the rabbit, I'm not used to this. Very well, I'll destroy you both just the same" said Andross, as he
      began attempting to send enourmas blocks of energy towards Peppy's Arwing. Peppy fired many shots into Andross's hands
      destroying both of them. Finally Andross attempted to suck the arwing into his mouth.
      "Peppy, what do you do in this situation? Remember? You DO A BARREL ROLL!" said Miyu.
      "Understood, my precious lynx!" said Peppy, who made the Arwing do many consecutive barrel rolls succesfully avoiding
      Andross's sinister clutches. Finally Peppy began blasting the flashing red eyes of Andross, and Andross's face-ship split
      into pieces, leaving only a box with a giant brain inside of it. Peppy fired a nova bomb at it and it exploded. Miyu kissed Peppy's cheek and Peppy
      felt very relieved to be back in the game, and also incredibly amazed and amused, as he had defeated Andross for the first
      time with no help from Fox whatsoever.
      "Fox probly still thinks Andross is on Venom" said Miyu jokingly.
      "Yeah" said Peppy. "We rock!"
      "What about Wolf and Falco though?" asked Miyu.
      "Just got a text from Pepper. They've been taken into custody. Falco was exposed to a brainwashing helmet.
      The effects will wear off soon enough" said Peppy.
      Later...
      We join Falco and Katt in their apartment.
      "I can't believe I fell for Andross's garbage" said Falco.
      "It's okay, chickie poo. Your feathers have been ruffled enough. Come lather my fur why don't you?" said Katt.
      "Gee thanks, I think I'll pass for now" said Falco.
      "So, are you gonna take me on that vacation to Fortuna in that delicate ship of yours?" asked Katt.
      "Yes, but don't call it delicate that diminishes its value. Let's go, Katt!" said Falco.
      The Conclusion:
      "Wow, Peppy, I'll never consider you an old timer again" said Fox.
      "Congratulations to you and Miyu!" said Slippy.
      "Next week we're getting married" said Peppy.
      "I think I'm gonna cry" said Slippy.
      "I'm gonna cut the cake now. Know what it says on it?" asked Fox.
      "What?" asked Peppy.
      PEPPY WANTS YOU
      TO DO A BARREL ROLL
    • TheRadFox987
      By TheRadFox987
      Greetings, fellow Cornerians I am here.